Three Updates

 Tuesday night, Tinkerbell sent me some images of T-Rex moving into his college dorm at CMU. How time flies. I still remember T-Rex as the child from my book. I didn't respond to Tinkerbell. As much as I love her, she seems to only reach out when she needs. She will ignore me otherwise. That is not the type of relationship I deserve from her. 

I saw the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist yesterday. Medicine is such a joke. Fifty percent of the time, they are just guessing. I have gone from a person who avoids medications to walking around with five. Two are in case I have an episode of vertigo (they don't stop it), one antibiotic ( for twenty-one days), a steroid (for six days), and a diuretic (duration tbd).

None of the pills cure my issue. They are not sure if they will even help my situation. These are the least evasive solutions. Here is a nifty video on the disease. I need to search for my own solutions, too.

Firefly update. Firefly is now the mother of a second baby girl. It's so amazing how some people change. I haven't contacted her lately, but I am glad she is married and has two kids. Hopefully, the future will continue to be bright.

Firefly Update

 For those of you keeping up Firefly is now pregnant with her second child. I haven't spoken to her lately, so I do not know if this was planned. The baby is due in August, which is the same time as the first. They don't seem to be struggling. They just returned from a trip to Florida and have added a second used car to the family. I believe there is a lot of family help going on there.

She went from nearly dead to having a baby, marriage, and now a second child. Divorce and single parenting will be next if things go according to the law of averages. Just kidding. Let's hope not.

I finished my taxes. What a pain in the ass. I am going to look into having someone do it next year. I doubt it would cost me much more.

Brief Firefly Update

Nothing new to report here. Working harder than I'd like. Otherwise, I am lazy and unproductive.

Firefly posts everything on social. Her baby is adorable. She is doing well. As she wrote, Firefly is off probation in the county for the first time since she was eighteen. She is still working on her probation from the city of Warren. She has been clean for over a year and appears to have good friends around her. Definitely, a success story so far. Firefly has a long way to go, but she's still young. I say good for her.

It shows focusing on a family and having a purpose can bring stability to a person.

Out Visiting

Yesterday I went to see Firefly at the restaurant where she works. I am proud to say she is doing good. She looks healthy. Firefly is a bit stressed but happy. Her baby is a chubby bundle of joy. I think little Ava has given her something to focus on. I am really happy for her.

We chatted for an hour while I ate and she worked. The restaurant was slow, so we had time to swap a few stories. Firefly is engaged to her boyfriend. They hope to get married in September, but as with all kids their age, money is tight.

Went to see Jay and his wife after. Jay finished the remodel of his basement and is now embarking on a new project.  His 82 year-old mother just bought a condo, and Jay will be working on that.  It keeps him busy. He enjoys remodeling and gets antsy when he doesn't have a project.

My arm is still on the mend. I have mostly stopped using the sling. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to find out the next steps in my recovery. Otherwise, things have been peaceful here. 

Weekend

Sunday, Sam goaded me into driving forty-five minutes across town and going to the Twelve Oaks Mall by threatening to get a new "boyfriend." I was reluctant to leave the comfort of the condo and didn't feel like shopping, but I acquiesced.

The mall was not packed, but there was a good flow of people walking about. Nothing like the Christmas crowds of twenty years ago. The store I liked best, Lord & Taylor, closed a few years ago. I can't find a replacement.

I ended up by two overcoats at Macy's. One is black, and the other is a wine color. I couldn't beat the prices. $100 and $130. Sam is a great shopping partner. She has no problem telling me what looks good and what looks terrible. She tends to encourage me to buy, though, which can be expensive.

I also bought a jacket and shirt at Buckle. Those were Sam's idea and a bit of an impulse. I don't go shopping very often, though, so it is okay. Sam didn't end up buying anything. I think she just wanted to get out.

We ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. There was a 1.5-hour wait, but we managed to slide into the bar area within five minutes. Surprisingly, neither of us ended up having cheesecake. I had grilled salmon, but most of the meals on their menu are more calories than one should eat in a day, and THAT is without the cheesecake! I wonder how people can eat out all the time.

I was texting with Firefly last night. She is doing good. Firefly likes being a mom. Her bay is cute. Firefly is one year clean. I told her I was proud if her.

Aches and Pains, They Come With Age

Sam, Alexis, and I went to the Birmingham art fair on Sunday. Alexis complained the whole time. It was too hot for her. The beer at the restaurant was not cold enough. I didn't mind getting out, but I would have been just as happy staying home on my birthday.

I received birthday well wishes from my kids, including my unofficial fourth child, Tinkerbell, her boyfriend, my close friends, and both new mothers. Ava was the only one who didn't reach out, which is unsurprising. There is no getting close to that girl.

I haven't spoken to Ava since we got back from Ohio. I don't think she is going away any time soon, but I am letting her do her own thing. She is not much for small talk or sharing when we are apart. I am supposed to see her next week. I will try getting her to commit to one more short trip before the end of the year. Ava doesn't mind traveling with me or the drama it creates in her own life.

Tuesday, I managed to injure my back without doing anything. It just started bothering me at work and was unbearable last night. Sadly, I don't have any exciting tales to go along with the pain. Thankfully, Alexis hooked me up with some muscle relaxers so I can start loading the truck tonight.

I am falling apart. I made an appointment to have my left shoulder looked at today. From everything I have been told, it sounds like I will have to have surgery on it to have the front tendon re-attached. I will probably have that done closer to winter. 

Things are getting boring on the blog. I think I will dig up some archives posts before I get too busy this weekend.

Fifty-Eight

And don't believe a word they're telling to you
Don't believe a word they're telling to you
They let me down
When will I find where I fit in?
I hate this town...

Today is Sunday, September 18th, and I turned fifty-eight today. I know, it's hard for me to believe too. I am trying to make the best of my good years. Though I have to admit that I am slowing down.

I put the Lego display together on my work table one last time before starting the process of boxing everything up for transport. My cat, Sienna, is upset because I won't let her in the spare room where everything is in boxes, but I don't want to have to put anything back together if she starts jumping on things. I figure I will have enough to rebuild from the 40-minute drive to Novi.

I am working out the logistics. My truck is not big enough to take everything on one trip. I've decided to pack up what I can take Thursday night after work and then make a second trip Friday with the twins to complete the set-up. Sam has volunteered to help me dismantle and take things home Sunday night. I am excited. Hopefully, I will make a few like-minded connections at the show.

I texted Billie Friday for her birthday. Her baby was born two days after Firefly's baby. Both had girls. Billies was premature, and she delivered via a C-section. The baby weighed 5 lbs, 6ounces. She said everything was going well.

But now I never know the things to say to you
That help me prove that I'm still on your side
I never show just what you do to me...All Signs Point to Lauderdale, A Day To Remember

Otherwise, it is a quiet rainy day that promises to turn hot and muggy later. I would be fine spending the day at home, but Sam wants to attend an art show in Birmingham this afternoon. 

It's a Girl

 In lighter news, Firefly had her baby Wednesday, August 24th, 8 lbs 8 oz. 21 inches long. A good size baby for such a tiny girl. It was a natural birth. Firefly's labor was only about 5 hours. She got off pretty easy. The baby, Ava, yes, that is the baby's real name, and the mother is doing well. 

Time

There were more dreams over the weekend. One was a conversation with Billie. I still have a hard time processing the end of that relationship. I am happy for her, but our discussions never resolve my conflicted feeling. 

Lately, I am acutely aware of how much time I spend waiting for time to pass. It's like I am wasting my life away. This morning I am waiting to hear from Ava. She is supposed to spend the night tonight, but scheduling has become more problematic. Usually, when she is quiet, it is not a good sign. 

Firefly had a lovely baby shower over the weekend. She says her apartment is full of baby things, but she is still worried. Firefly seems happy. Hopefully, she can keep her spirits lifted once the baby is born.

It seems these posts lately do not go in the direction of my thoughts. Mostly, because my thoughts are cloudy. I don't know about anyone else, but I am waiting to see what the future holds. Times feel uncertain. Too many things can go wrong. 

Week In Review

Elon Musk is not only the wealthiest man on the planet. He continually shows he is also the biggest dick on the planet. That is more than I wanted to say on that matter.

Last night, I made plans to meet Firefly at Green Lantern Pizza. It is a place Sam and I often go to eat. I had the hostess seat me, and Firefly arrived a few moments after.

Firefly was dressed in yoga pants and a lightweight, long sleeve shirt. The grey top was one she purchased when we were on our road trip and had an image of the Parthenon in Nashville, Tennessee, on it. The oversized top mostly hides her advanced pregnancy.

 Firefly's hair is blonde, but her nature orange is showing through. She looks healthy. Her face is clear and fuller. I didn't change after work because I dressed casually in jeans and a dark blue button-down shirt.

We hugged and sat down to order. Things have been falling into place for Firefly. She and her boyfriend moved into a condo recently. It is in a good area not far from my work. She is six months clean, and her probation is on track. Money is tight, but so far, they are getting by. Firefly seems to be getting a lot of assistance, which helps.

I ordered a gluten-free pizza. Firefly ordered a Ceaser salad, and we talked for over an hour and a half, catching up. Firefly's baby shower is this month. She said about forty people would attend. I declined but told her to let me know if she doesn't get something she needed for the baby.

I am glad she is doing well. Firefly seems focused on succeeding, and that is all we can hope.

This weekend was packed with activities. I met a new girl Saturday, she seemed nice, but I could tell she was an addict, and I told her I could not see her. It wouldn't be good for her or me. 

Saturday night, I went to dinner with Sam, and then Sunday, we went biking though it was drizzling and overcast. Sam and I have been spending a lot of time together. We get along well, and it gets me out of the house.

Sunday morning, before biking, Max came over, and we went to breakfast. He seems to be doing really well. Max has lost a lot of weight. He weighs the same as me and looks really good. Max has no interest in dating, though the girls would flock to him. He is learning Sicilian for fun. I have to go to Grand Rapids for two days this week for work, but I will try getting Max out on a bike when I get back.

Psychic Reading- Part II

What I find interesting about the Psychic is that fact, despite there being many ways to describe a person, she always nails them. She is never ambiguous. We will see that when she describes Firefly in this post and Max in an upcoming post.

"I have a friend, Firefly, whom we have talked about here in the past. She doing well. She has a lot on her plate. She is pregnant. She is going to be having a baby in August. Is she going to keep it all together?"

"Yes, but I think she is worried. "I wanna say like, she's worried she's stressed. She and the baby will be okay. I think she's worried about money. She needs to take things day by day and everything is going to work out. It's just-- okay, I got a feeling there’s a new guy in her life. I don't know if you want to tell her this, but I don't feel like these two are going to stay together."

"I won’t tell her that," I assure her.

"You know and I really feel that-- I don't know, I hope I’m wrong- but I don't… I just feel like she wants to be in love. She wants to have a marriage and a family. That's very important to her.  She would do anything and sacrifice anything just to have that.

This is an accurate way to describe Firefly.

I feel like sometimes-- I want to say he's all in it, you know, being there together. Then there are times I could see him--let's say going out and let's say spending money, coming home, and then she's thinking we needed that money to pay bills. So I feel like there's going to be a money issue here. You know she's looking forward, like I said, to the baby and being together and everything else but I just feel like as time goes on, I just feel him drifting a little bit more away."

"She's still going to try to hang on and then each time, I know when something doesn't go right, I think she's gonna talk to you more."

 "I don’t mind. I like checking in on her. She is one of my projects," I tell her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true it's a project. Just to see how she's doing. She's very strong, very protective over that baby. Great mother! You know, wonderful mother, but I think he gets absent-minded. I think he's really trying to work hard. I feel like both of them grew up in difficult families so that's why I think the two are put together.  She just needs to talk to him sometimes 'cause sometimes I think she doesn’t want to say anything. So, she needs to say things like we need to work on this together. Don't let it go too far to when they start arguing.  Just let her know that when the time is right she needs to sit down and say, let's talk. Because if not, people start getting irritated and resentful.  Then it gets out of hand, but by doing that they can make this work. Definitely, she is going to have another baby. Yep, there's gonna be another one."

 "Let’s hope she takes her time," I reply.

General Updates

Firefly and her boyfriend moved into their own apartment over the weekend. I was on standby to help but wasn't needed. She is working and is still keeping herself busy. Good for her.

Tinkerbell leased a new car-- a Ford EcoSport. It was about time because her Kia was on its last leg. She is happy with the car, but not with the car payment.  I didn't tell her a car payment never goes away when you lease, but I don't think she wants to stretch her budget to buy a car.

Max's car is in the shop--again. We took it to the dealership after a local repair shop failed to fix the issue during three attempts. I think we may have to dump that thing and find something else.

As for myself, I have nothing to report. My weekend was uneventful. Twin A and I went to lunch Saturday, but mostly I spent my time alone. The weather was warm enough Sunday for me to do some walking.

Ava and I are going to yoga Tuesday, and she will be spending the night Saturday. Tink and Tech are coming out to my side of town Saturday too. I'm not sure what they want to do other than show off her new car. I am hoping for a short week and an exciting weekend.

Bananas, Birthdays and Spring

 Firefly is five months pregnant. She says the baby is the size of a banana, but she looks like she is carrying a few bananas from the pictures she shares. She is still working and seems happy. She is having her baby shower in June.

Today is Max's birthday. He is twenty-three today. We had to take his car to the shop this morning. He was wearing jeans, a black windbreaker, and a black ball cap. He looked really good. I think his break-up has done him some good. He seldom takes my dating advice (I don't blame him), but he would do well on his own. I don't think he is interested. It doesn't hurt to concentrate on work and school for now.

I finished editing Dave's book-- another murder mystery solved. Now, I have to get back to work on my own. I haven't had time. I have been too busy keeping up with my work and going on vacations. It looks like I will be traveling in May for work. Just locally, out to Grand Rapids. As of now, I am not planning any vacation trips in May. Ava's mother doesn't like her to travel in May. Apparently, it is bad luck.

I plan to go to Mackinaw Island with Tink, Tech, and T-Rex in August. Ava wasn't interested in joining us, but she might change her mind by then. She had a bad experience going up north before, but I doubt that would happen with me. 

A Comment

 I went to yoga last night. It is the second time I have been back to class in two years. The classes are small. Few people are risking stepping into the studio. I like the smaller class size, but I know it is not economically feasible for the studio.

Ava joined me. She liked the class and the teacher. I told her I planned to continue going, and she was welcome to join me whenever she was available. At least till summer, when I plan on getting my exercise outdoors. I have to start wearing my glasses during yoga class. There was a cute woman next to me, but it is hard to engage with someone in a dimly lit room when you cannot see.

Jules wrote in my comments:

No matter what you think, this Ava chick is getting under your skin. The only thing you can change is your reaction to her and things she does. In order to do that successfully, you need to figure out your triggers.

I do know what is triggering when I sit back and look at things in the context of Jule's statement.  It is the shallow sexual relationship we have. Ava doesn't offer more. I am not looking for her to fall in love with me, but the intangibles that are missing are triggering because there is nothing to hold onto. I don't feel trusted, respected, or needed. I think Ava is being deliberately deceitful. It makes it hard to form any type of connection with her. When I ask myself, is she a bad person? The answer is, I don't know. Unless she treats me uniquely for others, I would find it hard to believe others have not picked up on this too.

I felt more connected to Firefly who has countless flaws than I do Ava. No, it is not because Firefly and Billie have the same issues. Ava confesses to having problems, but she never shares them. I am sure I question too much. I can't help that. This issue with Ava has two dimensions, but if she were gone, I don't think I would find myself missing her. I would find myself missing the convenience of having her around.

Praying for love and a lap dance
And paying in naivety..But It's Better If You Do, Panic At The Disco

Weekend Forecast

We did get some snow. I haven't stepped outside to measure, but I did decide it was enough to work from home. My drive home was forty minutes longer than the usual thirty. I passed Firefly on the road, white-knuckling it in the slow lane of the boulevard. She didn't notice it was me. I was hurt she didn't recognize the Orange Crush decals on the truck's tail, but she was too intent on the road. 

I sent her a text when I got home.

Bathwater: What are you doing driving in this weather, Firefly? Haven't you learned your lesson?

Firefly: Lmaoooo, how do you know I'm driving.

Bathwater: I passed you on 16 Mile road. I even honked.

Firefly: I was working. I thought that was you. I saw your car and was like, hmmm, I know that car.

It reminds me of the days Tinkerbell drove a lime green Ford Focus. I would see her on the road all the time. Even on days, I didn't want to see her.

The roads should be passable by this evening when I pick up Ava. It takes more than 4 to 8 inches to slow this city down. We are expecting gale forces winds tonight. I like listening to the winds blowing outside at night.

This has been a long week and plans on being a busy weekend. Ava is spending the night tonight. I am replacing the coil pack on Max's car with him Sunday, and after, I am meeting a new girl for a drink. Something tells me this girl is more like Firefly than Ava, but we will see.

Its A Girl, Its Always About A Girl

Firefly is having a girl. I told her it is karma getting back at her for being such a difficult child. I know there is a lot of concern for the baby and her. I share those concerns, but I hope for the best. I think she is making the wrong decision, and I expressed that once to her. Now, I am being optimistic and encouraging to her. She needs some of that.

Whenever I see the boyfriend/father, who is about five years older than her, he seems like a deer in headlights. I have more doubts about him sticking around than I do Firefly. I hope she is mentally prepared to raise the child alone if it comes to that. Those thoughts, I keep to myself.

*     *     *

I think I am beginning to understand Ava a bit more. Ava is still a tough onion to peel. I have to listen closely. When her guard is down, the off-hand comment reveals more than answers to questions.

She is searching for direction and making up for what she feels is lost time. Sunday after watching an episode of The Magicians and having sex in bed I said, "I don't know if I am slowly 50 shades of greying you, or if you have more experience than you let on."

"You probably have not been with a girl who held on to her virginity as long (as I)," was her reply. I am looking forward to our upcoming trip. I wish it were sooner. It is still seven weeks away. 

Sam thinks it will mark a change in our relationship and I do see the possibility of stretching the boundaries. Ava admits, unasked, that our relationship is a priority to her. That may sound self-obvious, but it hasn't been the approach of Firefly or the Gymnast. I'd say Ava's age and upbringing are the difference. It certainly is not out of need or greed. Ava is the most self-sufficient of the bunch. Time will tell.

Time

The comments I am making on other blogs seem to be a testament to my mood. Self-diagnosing, I'd say seasonal affective disorder has set in. I have not been getting enough sunlight. I decided to up my vitamin D intake, but I don't think it is the same as basking in natural daylight.

I feel locked in stoicism. Silent. Not talking about what is bothering me, unable to clarify my thoughts.

Saturday, Firefly stopped by to pick up a few things she left behind, and it was good to see her. She brought her new boyfriend with her. He is a short, nondescript guy. You wouldn't look twice at him if you saw him on the streets. I see years of struggling ahead for her.

Firefly is currently working two jobs, but she says she is not making much money and wanted her GrubHub bag to start doing that also on the side. Her car is fixed. Her dad paid more money repairing it than it is worth, and it is now a mismatched silver and black. Driving for Gubhub will not extend its life. 

"I wouldn't let her drive," I warned the boyfriend.

Saturday night, I got dinner with Sam at the Enginehouse in Mt. Clemens. She asked me if I remember the Motley Crew/ Aerosmith concert we saw many years ago. It was on a cold October night in sleeting rain. 

"Yes, I remember," I tell her. "It is a post in my book." I pulled out my phone and flipped to the entry. It is hard to believe that it was sixteen years ago. My post-divorce life is well documented in blog posts. The memories still seem fresh. It distorts my perception of time. My earliest posts date back to May of 2005, seventeen years ago. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that. Yet, so much has changed.

I've been playing a mind game lately, imagining what the world will be like in one hundred years from now. From my viewpoint, it is a dystopian outlook, but it would probably seem like a normal progression to someone born in 2005. 

Did you read 1984 when you were going to school? We live in that world. Firefly tried getting me to watch Euphoria on HBO when she was here. I found the reality it portrays disturbing and alien, and I consider myself tuned into the younger generations because I have spent much of the last twenty years involved with them.

Now, I find myself admitting some things I just don't understand. The same way youth cannot understand the way we were raised. It is disheartening. What we learned doesn't work today. It's called old-world thinking. 

I have been watching mindless vampire series lately. Seldon do they portray the reality of living forever. You would have to reinvent yourself every twenty years to keep up with change. I find myself struggling just to keep up with it.

Thursday

 I texted Firefly the other day. She is back with her parents. There are no issues with the boyfriend, but she was staying with the boyfriend, his mother, and the mother's boyfriend, and they are painting the house and preparing it for sale. Firefly cannot be around the fumes. At least this is the story. There could be more to it. Firefly can be a lot to deal with.

She got her car back, but she has an issue with the seat belt that keeps her from driving it. Firefly is working at a Greek Coney Island. She seems happy and in a better headspace. She and the boyfriend are looking for apartments. Good for her. It will be an uphill battle, but she may need this purpose to motivate her.

January is a long month, and this feels like a long week. I am glad it is almost done. Our temperatures are bitter cold, but the weather overall has been devoid of any deep snow in my area. 

Ava has agreed to the trip in theory. A four-day road trip down to Cumberland Caverns and Nashville. I still need to book a cabin, a hotel, and a cave tour. We are going on the first weekend in April if the cabin we want is available. The last weekend in March is the alternative. I think it is a good time for an early trip, smack between St. Patrick's Day and Easter.

Sunday, Boring Sunday

 I am going to dinner with Ava this evening. We haven't picked a time or place. We are doing something casual. Tink finds it strange that Ava will go out with me between our scheduled visits, but I don't think it odd. I think it is better for her. she gets a free meal, and it doesn't give me time to lose interest.

Firefly is in jail for the weekend. Not for anything new, but she is still dealing with her past indiscretions. The doctor told her she was eight weeks pregnant. Firefly goes to the doctor for an ultrasound in February. 

Firefly and her boyfriend will struggle, but this baby might keep her alive. Lord knows nothing else has done that. I know I am being optimistic, but I like to hope for the best for people.

The ruins behind the castle wall are coming along nicely. I will post more pictures this week. I still do not have enough room to place a dragon in the ruins, but I have just decided to extend the model to the right and hide the dragon under a mountain instead. This will be a challenge; the mountain will need to be very tall. I am not sure I will have enough dark grey to accomplish it, but I don't want the model to get too wide, or people will not get close enough to enjoy all the details. I have always wanted to create a dragon sleeping on a pile of treasure. I have a load of gems and gold pieces for just such a scene.

No News

 I will be working from home Monday, Tuesday, and every other Wednesday through February 2nd. It seems like last year all over again. I am feeling back to normal and worked out yesterday. The only good thing about going to the office is the access to the gym. Without, I use my bike downstairs and the free weights around the house.

I am listening to The 48 Laws of Power, watching The Vampire Diaries, listening to Ian Hunters's Welcome to the Club, and lying low. I don't have plans to get together with Ava until next Tuesday. I was going to recap our escapades from last week. Suffice it to say, they were not benign. 

Firefly had Covid over the holiday. Tinkerbell was sick the first week of the month. T-Rex and I have covid now. It seems no one is safe from this new variant. None except Tink and T-Rex had contact with each other. Last year I knew few people with the virus. Today I know few people who haven't had the virus. Luckily, no one has been seriously ill.