Movin Day

 Movin’ Day

“Do you want to drive?” I ask. “I should warn you, Gia thinks my driving is terrible.”

“Are we going to have to take the keys away from you one day?” Tinkerbell teases.

She invited me to go with her and TRex for Movin’ Day. TRex is starting his second year at CMU. It’s her way of saying, You were a part of this.

Like so many times before, Tinkerbell turns it into an adventure. We’re not just helping TRex move into his dorm—we’re spending the night at Soaring Eagle Casino first.

I pull into their driveway in the early afternoon. TRex loads what wouldn’t fit in his car into the back of the Buick. He’s so big now—six-foot-two and lean muscle. I almost don’t recognize him, except for his smile. He still has his mother’s smile. He’s a good kid. Tinkerbell did a great job raising him. If I helped even a little along the way, I’m glad.

We take two cars, with Tinkerbell riding with me. I only miss one exit. She complains dramatically, but it’s all in fun.

Conversation flows nonstop during the drive. She tells me about the elaborate Halloween display she’s planning—this year’s theme is Willy Wonka. She’s been making giant ice cream cones, candies, even a six-foot Pop-Tart. It’s a year-long project. She still knows how to maximize fun. Tinkerbell has settled into her life, and I’m happy for her.

She still babies TRex. He’s her shining achievement. She complains about him when he’s home, but I know she misses him fiercely when he’s gone.

At the casino, the three of us spend more time wandering than gambling, but it’s still enjoyable. We play a few slot machines. No one wins more than they lose, though TRex seems the luckiest. When we finally retire for the night, Tink and TRex share a late-night pizza in their room while I sit outside on a bench, listening to the fountains. I’m settling into my life too.

The next morning, we help TRex move in. We’re a week early—he’s part of a special donor-sponsored team-building program—so the dorm is mostly empty. His room feels cramped for four boys. No privacy, one bathroom. I compare it to prison.

Tinkerbell is a nonstop flutter of over-helping and nagging. Halfway through, TRex’s roommate and his mom arrive. Suddenly the roommate’s mother is carrying on just like Tinkerbell.

“Oh my god, it’s like an echo chamber,” I whisper to TRex. “I thought it was just your mom.” From bits of conversation, I learn she’s a single mom too. Maybe that plays into it.

Tinkerbell and I explore the rest of the dorm. There isn’t room for two moms in that tight space. By the time we return, TRex has most of his things set up. I shake his hand and say goodbye, signaling to Tink that it’s time to go. She’s reluctant to leave, but my presence keeps TRex from having to push her out.

Things change over the years, but it’s surprising how much stays the same. I can picture the two of them pushing me around the old-folks’ home in a wheelchair one day—still bickering, still pampering.

Retro

 Max texted me today:

“What are you doing? I may need some help.”

“What do you need? I can make time.”

He and his girlfriend were heading to an estate sale. They had their eye on a vintage freestanding cone fireplace but weren’t sure it would fit in his car.

He was heading to an estate sale. They had their eye on a vintage freestanding cone fireplace but weren’t sure it would fit in his car.

I met Max there. He paid $450 for it. We loaded it into my truck and took it back to their duplex. Afterward, we walked into downtown Northville for lunch with his girlfriend, Kay. Over lunch, we talked about Max’s recent battle with a tonsillar abscess.

Like his father, Max is leaning heavily into using ChatGPT. It diagnosed his issue—and even pointed out the inadequate care he got when the hospital discharged him after draining it. I'm glad he is. It gives us something we can bond over.

I asked if they wanted the concert tickets, but they declined. I told them what had happened with Gia. I spoke in psychological terms—about her avoidant personality. They get that. Like many their age, they’ve replaced religion with psychology.

Later, I called Tinkerbell to see what she and Tech were up to. She mentioned she had Googled Gia. I’m not sure why. I never asked her—and I’ve never done it myself. Tinkerbell has this innate need to tear down the women in my life. She didn’t find anything I didn’t already know.

Just because I like to see the good in people doesn’t mean I’m not hyperaware of who I’m around.

Tinkerbell invited me to join her and T-Rex on Move-In Day. He’s starting his second year at CMU. It should be a fun adventure—one that reminds me of the good old days, when the three of us used to go everywhere together.

Three Updates

 Tuesday night, Tinkerbell sent me some images of T-Rex moving into his college dorm at CMU. How time flies. I still remember T-Rex as the child from my book. I didn't respond to Tinkerbell. As much as I love her, she seems to only reach out when she needs. She will ignore me otherwise. That is not the type of relationship I deserve from her. 

I saw the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist yesterday. Medicine is such a joke. Fifty percent of the time, they are just guessing. I have gone from a person who avoids medications to walking around with five. Two are in case I have an episode of vertigo (they don't stop it), one antibiotic ( for twenty-one days), a steroid (for six days), and a diuretic (duration tbd).

None of the pills cure my issue. They are not sure if they will even help my situation. These are the least evasive solutions. Here is a nifty video on the disease. I need to search for my own solutions, too.

Firefly update. Firefly is now the mother of a second baby girl. It's so amazing how some people change. I haven't contacted her lately, but I am glad she is married and has two kids. Hopefully, the future will continue to be bright.

2:30 a.m. Phone Call

Thursday, July 4th

The holiday has yet to begin, and I get a phone call at 2:30 a.m. Only one person calls me at 2:30 a.m.: Tinkerbell, my pseudo-adopted daughter. Tinkerbell and I have not spoken or texted in over six months. She pulled away without an explanation. She still knows there is one person she can always call.

Tinkerbell was drunk and on her porch after an argument with her boyfriend, Tech. It sounds like their relationship is imploding. Tinkerbell mentioned they hadn't had sex since January. Their sexual relationship has always been an issue for Tinkerbell. 

I listened. I told her she would get through this. Tinkerbell reminded me I said last time. I didn't ask her why she had ignored me for six months or more. I assumed it had something to do with her relationship. I will ask her that another day if she decides to stick around. She said thanks for picking up several times during the call because she knew she had no right to expect it.

I often told Sam that Tinkerbell and Tech's relationship would end when T Rex (Tinkerbell's son) graduates high school. T Rex graduated this year and will attend CMU in the fall. Despite how obvious this seemed, Tinkerbell made no plans for this eventuality. I am sure Tinkerbell will figure it out—she always does. My only advice was not to rush things and leave his house without having a plan.

We talked for an hour. On Friday, I texted Tinkerbell and told her I was available on Saturday if she needed to leave the house. She replied that she would be fine. 

Changing Things Up

I spent over two hours on the phone switching my wireless carrier from Verizon to ATT on Saturday. I wanted to bundle my phone and internet for a 25% discount on my phone service. The first customer representative was friendly to talk with, but he fucked things up. I spent an hour undoing what he did, but now I have to wait till Thursday to place a new order. What a headache.

I also went and signed up at BJs. It is a bulk food club, like Cosco. After the cashback, it will cost me $5 for the year. I don't really buy food in bulk, but I figure I can spend enough money there each month to make it worthwhile. The real reason I signed up is for the cheaper gas. Right, now, gas is costing me about $100 a week. 

Due to this inflation, I am looking for ways to cut my monthly costs. Being fiscally responsible is so much work. I need to stop vaping. That would save me a bundle. Unfortunately, I have not been able. I enjoy it too much. I would cut back on the number of times I see Ava, but she is looking at getting a full-time job in July, so I think her availability will wain anyway.

I am not in a hurry to replace her if it does. At least not until the fall. I seem to have better luck in the fall. Which is unfortunate because I really like being active in the summer. Still, having some around in the winter gets me through the holidays.

I haven't heard back from Tinkerbell yet. I think the best-case scenario is they put a patch over the relationship. It might hold till T-Rex is out of high school, but she will be thinking about leaving again once he does. People seldom change.

Bananas, Birthdays and Spring

 Firefly is five months pregnant. She says the baby is the size of a banana, but she looks like she is carrying a few bananas from the pictures she shares. She is still working and seems happy. She is having her baby shower in June.

Today is Max's birthday. He is twenty-three today. We had to take his car to the shop this morning. He was wearing jeans, a black windbreaker, and a black ball cap. He looked really good. I think his break-up has done him some good. He seldom takes my dating advice (I don't blame him), but he would do well on his own. I don't think he is interested. It doesn't hurt to concentrate on work and school for now.

I finished editing Dave's book-- another murder mystery solved. Now, I have to get back to work on my own. I haven't had time. I have been too busy keeping up with my work and going on vacations. It looks like I will be traveling in May for work. Just locally, out to Grand Rapids. As of now, I am not planning any vacation trips in May. Ava's mother doesn't like her to travel in May. Apparently, it is bad luck.

I plan to go to Mackinaw Island with Tink, Tech, and T-Rex in August. Ava wasn't interested in joining us, but she might change her mind by then. She had a bad experience going up north before, but I doubt that would happen with me. 

No News

 I will be working from home Monday, Tuesday, and every other Wednesday through February 2nd. It seems like last year all over again. I am feeling back to normal and worked out yesterday. The only good thing about going to the office is the access to the gym. Without, I use my bike downstairs and the free weights around the house.

I am listening to The 48 Laws of Power, watching The Vampire Diaries, listening to Ian Hunters's Welcome to the Club, and lying low. I don't have plans to get together with Ava until next Tuesday. I was going to recap our escapades from last week. Suffice it to say, they were not benign. 

Firefly had Covid over the holiday. Tinkerbell was sick the first week of the month. T-Rex and I have covid now. It seems no one is safe from this new variant. None except Tink and T-Rex had contact with each other. Last year I knew few people with the virus. Today I know few people who haven't had the virus. Luckily, no one has been seriously ill.

A Christmas Carol

 I have started my winter vacation. It is two weeks without dealing with work. You would think I should look forward to retirement and an end to work, but I  think the time off means more when you are still working.  Besides, working allows me the freedom to enjoy Ava and vacations.

Saturday, Tinkerbell, Tech, T-Rex, and I went to see A Christmas Carol at Meadowbrook Theatre. The play has become a tradition with Tinkerbell and T-Rex, and we have seen it together several times. We went to a matinee. Everyone wore masks, but some people were eating during the performance. I find that to be poor manors. I give some leeway to children, but the parents were also digging into the crackling bag of snacks. So rude!

After, we at dinner at a fancy Italian Restaurant called Lellies. The food was delicious. I presented Tink with a Christmas Carol Lego for Christmas. I figured it would be a lovely keepsake of the tradition.

Last night I received a late text from Ava, but I was sleeping. 

Ava: You are not awake, are you?

Bathwater: (The next day) Sorry, I was sleeping. Everything okay?

Ava: I could use your help if you are up for it.

Bathwater: What seems to be the problem, little lady ;).

Ava: A ride to the train station--like now.

It seems the rideshare she ordered for the morning disappeared.  Ava is going to Kalamazoo for the night, but she hates driving. I was downstairs on my bike when she texted.

Bathwater: No problem, but I might be a little ripe. I was working out.

It was nice to see her again, if only briefly. She tries to fit too much into her schedule. It is part of what makes her Ava. 

In the Gladiator, on the way to the train station, I said, "At least it is good to know I didn't miss a late-night booty call."

"I can do that?"

"Of course you can!"

"Good to know."

She is planning to spend the night this Tuesday. A sleepover and then we will see the new Matrix movie on Wednesday afternoon. 

Late Weekend Story

Last weekend, Tink, Tech, T-Rex, T-Rex's girlfriend, and I went to Stoney Creek metro park for a hike.  It was a lovely day, but it was really damp.  The mosquitos were out in droves.  They jumped you whenever you stood still. We let the kids head out ahead of the adults. Inside the trees, a wedding party set up a group of white folding chairs with the trail running down the center aisle just off the parking lot. 

It was an odd sight. We think the party would move the chairs deeper inside the trails where there is an old house that is often used for weddings. What made no sense is why they bothered neatly lining the chairs in the middle of the trail as if the marriage were taking place right there where hikers walked by.

We made jokes as we came upon the scene. "Someone getting married?  Give me 5 minutes with him. I'll change his mind," I said.  Then I added, "Never thought I'd be walking down the aisle again," as I walked through the neat row of chairs.

We did not stay on the trails long.  Tech was getting eaten alive by the mosquitos.  I received a few bites, but nothing compared to him.

After we took the kids to Spirit Halloween so T-Rex could look for a costume. We looked through the costumes. I told Tech, "I used to like seeing the girls wearing sexy costumes like these, but there is not a girl in this store I would want to see in any of them."

We ended the day at Olive Garden. We waited outside while a party of 10 kids in fancy attire waited in the vestibule.  They looked like middle school kids, but Tink assured me they were in high school and were going to homecoming. 

I was astounded by the calorie count on some of the meals.  "1850?  Add breadsticks and soup, and that is more than you should eat in a day!"

Tink scolded Tech and me for ruining Olive Garden with such talk. I enjoyed the food but didn't finish my meal. 

The Zoo

I have started working on this post several times. Work is busy. My workload has doubled, and it is interfering with my blogging,

*      *      *

Tinkerbell, her boyfriend, whom I will be referring to as Tech from now on, T-Rex, and I piled into the Gladiator Saturday.  We drove a few miles and picked up T-Rex's girlfriend, and headed to the Detroit Zoo.

"When is the last time you have been to the Zoo?" Tech asked me. 

I couldn't remember. I feel like Billie and I went there, but I couldn't recall the day. On a hot July day, I remember going to the Toledo Zoo with the Man-Hater group (her mom, cousin, and aunts). I have been to the Detroit Zoo several times. I know it well.

The parking lot was not crowded, but long lines started at the entrance. The zoo is just another business affected by the lack of ability to hire people. The ticket booths, vending sites, and food courts were all understaffed.

The day was hot. We let the kids go their own way, and we three adults explored on our own. We walked six miles during the day, which was our goal--getting steps in and exercising. I have been focused on working out lately, but I hate every minute of it. Physically I can feel the differences. My arms, chest, and even my stomach are looking better. It never turns into something I want to do or enjoy doing.

Lately, the only thing I want to do when I get home is grabbing some food and heading upstairs to my bedroom. I have three floors and approximately 1800 square feet of living space but prefer to spend most of my time in one room, waiting for tomorrows.

I have written off the rest of the summer. It is broader than just the fact that Firefly wants to come back when she gets out. It is the way the country is changing, how work is changing, and how people are changing. I hate to be one of those people who says times seemed better in the past, but they did. If these times look better to those in the future, I'd hate to see what the future hold.

The Weekend

 Saturday, Tinkerbell and her boyfriend brought T-Rex across town to spend time with his girlfriend before he goes away to camp for six weeks. T-Rex met his girlfriend at the Fishfly Festival, Tinkerbell, her boyfriend, and I tagged along to the festival.

The day was humid and overcast, but we did not get the rain that flood Detroit just thirty minutes away. In the city, they received 6 inches of rain in twenty-four hours. Many of the freeways were still flood Monday, and more rain in on the way.

Fifteen-year-old T-Rex is over 6 feet tall.  He is a good-looking gangly kid who towers over his short curly hair girlfriend. The Fishfly festival was lame this year. Probably partly to do with the limited time they had to organize it this year. I must admit, it isn't very exciting on a good year.  We sat outside and had drinks while the kids walked up and down the two blocks of carnival rides. Even the kids got bored quickly and headed off to her house.

The three of us entertained ourselves by walking past Tinkerbell's old condo and making rude comments about the new owner's lack of upkeep.

Sunday, I had a video call with Firefly for thirty minutes. The call starts, and I see what looks like a break room with closed doors in the background and a staircase leading to the second level of closed doors. Firefly comes bounding down the staircase and picks up a phone. She is centered on my phone.

She has a smile on her face. She looks healthy. She has "prison make-up" around her eyes, made from color pencils. She says that is what you do when you are bored. She is hoping the judge signs off on her request to go to rehab Monday (today). Then she will be transferred directly to rehab from the jail. She can walk out of rehab, but she would have a warrant out for her arrest.

She doesn't seem to want this.  It isn't going to be a fancy rehab like the ones she has attended in Florida, Texas, and most recently in Las Vegas, but she sounds determined to stay there for thirty to ninety days. Her determination is due to wanting to avoid further time in jail. At some point, I hope it shifts to wanting to enjoy other things in life.

Agnotology

 Agnotology (formerly agnatology) is the study of culturally-induced ignorance or doubt, particularly the publication of inaccurate or misleading scientific data. 

I know at least 6 people that can get the vaccine that have not. Seems ridiculous. TheEx has not gotten my twins. They are twenty-seven and mentally challenged, vaccinated. She is a nurse and has not gotten it. Neither has Max, his girlfriend, or Tinkerbell. None have a good reason.

Firefly has not gotten the vaccine, and she hangs around a group of people that pass the virus around like needles. The internet is both a blessing and a curse on society. 

Makes one want to take a boat to the edge of this flat earth and just hide on the ice shelf at the edge. Sometimes I wish I could live long enough just to watch this Matrix collapse. As I write this, Grammarly is telling me this post sounds "Joyful." Clearly, it cannot detect sarcasm.

Saturday Walk

 T-Rex is still dating his girlfriend on my side of town. Saturday, Tinkerbell was driving him over to her house, and she gave me a call. "Hey, do you want to go for a walk?

I just stepped out of the shower after an hour on my bike downstairs. "Actually, yes, I need more exercise," I tell her.

She came over, and we walked the neighborhoods near me. The temperature was in the mid-fifties, but the sun was shining, and it made for a nice day. We chatted while we walked. Catching up on the latest news. Tinkerbell works at a workshop for disabled adults. She told me Covid is running through the classes. Her bosses are reluctant to tell the parents and guardians. The company needs the money. 

Tinkerbell teaches over zoom.  She is sequestered in her office all day and does not interact with the in-house classes. This is a good thing because she has not gotten her vaccination yet. She is afraid of needles.

Later, my son Max came over. We ordered carryout from The Detroit Wings Company. It has been ages since I've had boneless wings. 

Max has two 3D printers now.  He has printed tons of figures.  I suggest he make some money off of them, but he is not interested. Still, I am glad he is keeping up with technology.  He has not gotten his vaccine yet either. He is just dragging his feet. TheEx is an anti-vacer, but I don't think her thinking has rubbed off on him.  I get my second dose the Wednesday.  I am looking forward to it.

Updates- and More Updates

 Tinkerbell called my Saturday, "Hey, I am in your area," she tells me.

T-Rex, her son, who is fourteen years old now, is on a date. Though they live across town now.  He is still dating a girl from his previous school.  Tinkerbell dropped him off at a trampoline center and is bored. We talked for a few minutes.  Tinkerbell is tired of her current company and has two interviews next week.  I think it is a smart move for her.  There are many jobs out there in her price range, and too few people willing to work.

She calls back an hour later.  T-Rex and his date have moved to an arcade inside of a bowling alley. Tinkerbell wanted to know if I wanted to stalk her the condo she sold to see what the new owners are doing.

I agree, and twenty minutes later, she pulls up in front of my condo in her black Kia.  I jump into the passenger seat.  "I didn't bring my wallet. Do I need anything?" I ask.

We drove around her old complex, but there was not much to see. So we parked outside the bowling alley. It has been months since I have seen Tinkerbell in person. I show her Max's TikTok account and pictures from the road trip that she has not seen already. 

After a while, we go into the bowling alley to check on the kids. The lanes have leagues going on, and the bowling alley is packed. They are not following any of the state-mandated capacity laws. More than half the people on the lanes are not wearing masks. It is not the type of crowd I would breach the subject. I was getting stares because I was wearing a bright blue disposable surgical mask. A large portion of my community belongs to the vocal right, and apparently, they like to bowl.

Despite having spent a good portion of the day together, the kids and parents decide they could go back to the date's house till later in the evening.  The mother offered Tinkerbell the opportunity to come to her house also, but Tink declined. Tink described the mother as desperate to make friends, and Tinkerbell had been ditching her all afternoon. 

I enjoyed what little time we got to spend together. Our sense of humor plays off each other. I hope we can get together more now that the weather is getting warmer.

Saturday night, Max invited himself, his girlfriend, and a coworker over to play more War Hammer 40k on my lego table upstairs in the spare bedroom.  They brought along alcohol and proceeded to drink and play a game.  I watched for a while but got bored and went to bed. 

Firefly returned home Friday. That is another story for a different blog post. I don't even want to go into it now I do not have the time to write it up properly. 

I get my first dose of the vaccine on March 31st. They have been pushing us to return to the office more, but they cannot officially TELL us to come back to work due to the state mandates.  It has left everyone doing different things. I have been busy lately with work and projects at home, but I hope those will be simmering down now, and I will get back to more regular posting.

Getting Old

 The house holds the little warmth of the day.  The nights are cool  but we still leave the sliding door cracked.  Saturday we left our bikes at home and decided to hike the trails at our park.  The weather was perfect.  In typical fashion when going out with Tinkerbell, the T-Rex and her boyfriend the hike was over three hours long.  I feel it in my knees and legs.  Even though I ride my bike most days, doing something different can be telling.  

I am cuddled up next to Firefly.  We are both restless.  It is after midnight and she is winding down.  I am on my second wind.  We are spooned.  My hand is stroking her legs and ass.  Our legs are intertwined but my knees and legs are aching and I am having trouble laying still.  I get up, go down to the kitchen and take two Tylenol.  

When I slide back into bed I face the opposite direction.  Firefly turns with me and continues to cuddle into me until we fall asleep.  I am still pushing her to get into a rehab.  Being here is not doing her any good.  She is treading water and costing me money.  I told her I am putting the old Jeep up for sale next week.  She thinks she will be gone by the end of the week.  I will miss her when she is gone but she has to leave first.

The end of the year will coming quickly now.  I am looking forward to the change.  People think the virus will risk will be higher this winter.  I am fine with just buckling down and staying indoors.  We will see.   I want to get back to my routine.  I have been putting on weight and my stomach has been giving me some pains again.  Not bad ones but I am getting worried that it will return around the holidays.

A Call from Tinkerbell

Yesterday I spent my time between working and reading old posts.  There is a lot of reading involved in figuring out which to put into my memoir and crafting a cohesive story from them.  The past is hard to read sometimes but to put a positive perspective on it, I know I would not act the same way again.  Still, I would not have the memories I have today if I hadn't gone through those things.  I have no regrets.

Tinkerbell called me on my drive home.  She was driving home also.  It brightened my day just to hear her voice.

"Two of my four children wished me a happy father's day," I said to her jokingly.  Tinkerbell is not my forth child, but she is not far from being it either.

"Very funny. Sorry about that. It was a awkward father's day here," she says to me, then goes on to tell me her struggles with trying to get the T-Rex (her teenage son) to call his father and to get him to acknowledge Tinkerbell's current boyfriend who is taking on a parenting role.

As always, I understand both side of the situation.  I understand why Tinkerbell tries to instill these things in her son and I also get the T-Rex's reluctance.  The T-Rex has had several male figures in his life, myself included but I am sure his father's lack of interest in being a parent is hard for him.

We spoke for twenty minutes.  The time went by quickly.  Our conversations are always laced with humor.  In the last fifteen years, I have probably spent more time talking to Tinkerbell on the phone than anyone else, including Billy.

Tinkerbell asked if I had heard from Billy.  I told her I didn't see a reason to reach out to Billy.  Tink thought that was true.  I miss Billy.  Anyone who reads my blog already knows that, but I know right now there is nothing to gain from communicating with her.

Some may question why I am writing a memoir about the last fifteen years of my life if Billy plays such a significant part of that story.  My answer would be, because it is a good story.  It is the kind of tale I picture being made into a TV series on HBO.  It has all the necessary plot points: sex, drugs, a love triangle and an over all arch of redemption.

Hello. How are you?
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely nights?
That's what I'd say.
I'd tell you everything, if you'd pick up that telephone. Telephone Line, ELO

About Me- A Brief Synopsis

I have not driven away from the house in ten days.  It is getting harder to remain home.  There is very little new to report.  I have been digging into my achieves for interesting posts.  I have 1700 old post to choose from.  I have debated opening up those old blogs but maybe it is better those times are left in the passed.

For new readers I thought I would fill in some of my past.  I was a family man for 13 years.  In total, between dating and marriage, my Ex and I were together for 18 years.  When her father died and left her a large sum of money she decided she no long wanted to be married.  I was devastated and single at 39.

I found myself living a new life I didn't understand and having a lot of free time on my hands.  Friends introduced me to strip clubs, something I never did while married.  The girls were young and pretty.  They talked to me and found my stories funny, and me innocent.

That was where I meet Tinkerbell she was 19 and a single mother.  We dated briefly but it was more an arrangement of convenience.  Tinkerbell and I became good friends.  I was the adult constant in her life.  The one person she could count on and she was my escape from boredom.  Tinkerbell, her young son the T-Rex and I would go everywhere together.  I loved Tinkerbell but my feelings were never returned by her.  The best way to describe it is to say, that is not what she needed from me.  Though we would fight and try distancing ourselves we always ended up back as friends.

Our relationship, at least as it unfolded on the blog, was the kind that makes for great TV shows. We were the couple that everyone wished would get together but if we did it would mean the end of the show because the drama would be over.  I had a much larger following back then.  People would comment that it was like watching a story unfold.

Then Billy came along.  She was also a stripper when we first met.  She was so beautiful.  I fell for her hard.  The blogs quickly became about the drama between Billy and I.  Billy is an opiod addict.  During the first few years of our relationship she was the worst.  My addiction to her and her addiction to drugs made for a lot of drama.  The blog was full of stories of overdoes, rehab, near death episodes for us both and she became the villain of the story.

Billy settled down.  She moved in with me and our lives became somewhat normal.  She stopped dancing and became an electrical apprentice.  She never stopped using, but she became a functional addict and we were happy.  The last year of our relationship it was getting harder for me to ignore what the drugs were doing to Billy but she was feeling more confident that she was not going to die at a young age.  Living with me gave her stability.  It gave her a hope that she could live a normal life and she fell in love with someone else.  Someone closer to her own age.  That is where this blog picks up the tale.

Yoga at the DIA

I parked the Jeep on the street outside the DIA (Detroit Institute of Arts).  It is Saturday morning.  I am dressed lightly, totally unprepared for the twenty degree temperatures and the arctic wind.  They have a new fancy way of paying for parking using a kiosk along the curb but the damn thing was not taking my credit card.  Luckily Tinkerbell, her boyfriend and the T-Rex arrived at the same time and were parked a few spaces away.  Tink's boyfriend put his card in the kiosk for me.

"Why do we have to go all the way downtown to do yoga?"  I ask Tinkerbell a few days earlier.  "Have you even done yoga before?  My yoga studio is much more convenient."

She as assured me that it would be more fun doing yoga in the great hall in the art gallery.  I had my doubts.  The T-Rex was even less enthusiastic.  It is a good way to get people down to the art gallery but in February?  The non-profit who organizes the events does a good job.  They are a mobile studio and they organize events in various locations around the city.  It is a great way to introduce a different crowd to these locations and give access to yoga to a different crowd.

That's me stretching my arms in the center

Change

I removed the futon from the basement.  It is uncomfortable and takes up a lot of space.  Space I would like to use to workout.  My initial plan was to get Max (my youngest) to help lug it out to the curb but when Tinkerbell heard of my plan, she decided she would like it.  Last night Max and I lugged it over to here condo and I set it up, including modifying the side legs. 

Tinkerbell strives to reduce her environmental foot print.  When she is doing something she takes it to extremes.  She never sits still.  It is a trait that I have always seen in her.  I think it stems from a lack of desire to self reflect and face her issues.  Anyway, against my warnings she decided she wanted to the futon.

Her black kitten curiously circled me while I worked at tightening bolts.  When my phone rang I ask her son, The T-Rex, to see if a name appeared.  It was Billy.  I didn't answer.  It was not the time for a long drawn out conversation.  I did call her back once I was home and settled in for the night.  She was driving.  Our last text message conversation did not set right with her.  She was attempting to mend fences.  

It was hard for me at first.  I still have deep emotions when it comes to Billy and our break-up.  It is clear she is moving on.  Clear that she was moving on even before she left.  I cannot say this new guy is a loser.  He just bought a house and a car.  Neither are probably top of the line but they are probably what you would expect for a young couple just starting out.  Billy's money still goes to drugs so he is obviously taking care of her.  The same way I used to take care of her.  It is probably not the right thing for her, but she wants to get clean.  Hopefully she will.

It is hard to see here happy.  It would be hard to see her failing.  It is hard to see her without me and with someone else.  Each conversation with Billy is a step backwards for me.  An encounter that takes days to recover from but that is how you mend things.

 I need our past to mean something.  I seem to still define myself by what I do for others.  That is my issues. Something I need to explore.  I need to remember I did my best when I was with Billy.  I cannot go back and fix any mistakes, nor can I control what the future holds for either of us.  I need to focus on the present and let go of the rest.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.. Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town, Pearl Jam

Halloween

I pulled up to Tinkerbell's condo at 5:45 pm.  Her unit was dark.  She was out dropping off The T-Rex.   He was trick or treating with friends in a nearby neighborhood.  Tink pulled up minutes later and hopped into the Jeep.  She came down with Bells Palsy syndrome ten days ago.  The right side of her face went numb and she was unable to move that side of her face.  Her face is beginning to show signs of life now but it has not returned to normal.

She put eye drops into her right eye as I pulled out onto the road.  She originally wanted me to sign as a witness on her end of life documents but decided I should be a second.  Her boyfriend is first.  She is not talking to her family at the moment.  That usually changes, just like our arguments never last.  

The past three years Billy and I would create costumes and go to my brother's house for Halloween.  The day has me feeling sad.  My emotions are controllable, but still just below the surface.  I find myself wondering what Billy is doing this Halloween and if she is thinking about are times dressing up.  Those days are gone.  Will they ever return?  Am I too old for Halloween?

Tink and I decide on Noodles.  The restaurant is empty on the Halloween night. We order food and sit in a dimly lit area.  Bright light hurts her palsy restricted eye.  She tell me the T-Rex is still afraid of Halloween stores.  She is reminding me of the time we went to the Halloween store on one of our many adventures. 

The T-Rex is a teenager now.  Our adventure days are over.  "I told you, you should have had another one when you had the chance,"  I tell her.  She disagrees. 

 We finish our food and make are way to Mejiers the local all in one store.  Tinkerbell wants to pick up dish washing soap.  I want to look at yoga mats.  The mat I bought for my first day at yoga was too think.  The mats at Mejiers are all pink and purple in color.  I want something more neutral so we decide to go across the street to Target.  

It is like the type of adventure we would have in the past but it is missing that spark of fun.  Perhaps it was my mood or the rainy cold weather.  Here is a story from Halloween past.

Originally Post 9-9-2010

Everyday Adventure

Our days start off with cool mornings now. Before we know it will be fall, but for now the afternoons still get comfortably warm. Most days lately Tinkerbell, the T-Rex and I wind up together. Sometimes it is planned, mostly it is not. Last weekend we traveled the pseudo past of the Michigan Renaissance Festival. It was the first time for the T-Rex. I'm not sure if he was impressed.


Monday it was court, where Tink was trying to restrict visitation from her baby-daddy. She had pretty good cause but the referee did not agree. He denied her motion. We picked up the T-Rex and drowned or sorrows in coney dogs, hamburgers and ice cream.


Tuesday's adventure started out as a simply picking up a cat carrier for "Gary", their cat, who got fixed today. We ended up shopping for Halloween costumes also. Tink bought this white dress with gold accents supposed to be a "goddess" costumes. It looks very hot on her. The big debate was on what type of underwear she was going to wear with it. The dress is very short and will show her ass off during the evening. I think she is more worried about pantie lines than exposing her ass.


"Victoria's Secret could label one of their slips 'goddess' and sell the same thing," I tell her.


The T-Rex did not want to go into any the Halloween stores. He is not very brave when it comes to monsters. We dragged him in anyway. He asked us not to press any buttons (that might activate any of the decorations). We ignored that suggestion too.


I told the T-Rex today his going to school was cutting into our adventuring. I'm glad my work doesn't. Though one day I'm going to find myself out of a job or actually working a job-- either would suck.