The Punisher

 We had two foggy mornings over the weekend. Otherwise, it was an uneventful weekend. I did get my MRI this weekend. Wednesday, I go discuss the results with the doctor. I dressed up as the Punisher for Halloween this year at work. The same costume as the picture below. I'm just a few years older :).

The Punisher

It is an easy costume. I already have everything in my closet. Don't ask me why I have a thirty-year-old leather trench cut still around. It is good for costumes. I actually like wearing it. I think guys look good in long coats. That is probably why I bought it in the first place.

Just Life

 Ava stuck around for a while Tuesday. She did not want to return to her parent's house until her father left for work. It gave me a chance to see her in action. She hasn't slowed down on her mutually beneficial encounters as she once had me believing. If anything, she seems to be ramping it back up. 

"What are you doing?" I asked Monday night while we were in bed.

"Working on my next paycheck."

She is getting a storage unit for her stuff and moving it there on Monday. There isn't much left in my basement. She sorted things and took all the clothes to her mom's house. Despite Dave's comment, I don't believe she is a thief. There wasn't much of value amongst the stuff. Ava is a self-admitted shopaholic. It is the addiction she allows herself. She never passes up on what she thinks is a deal.

Ava reminds me of the story If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. You cannot blame the mouse. That is just who they are. It is up to others to set boundaries. Ava doesn't act entitled. She wouldn't think she uses people, or if she did, she'd justify it as "that is just life."

Drama-- It's Been Awhile

 It is ironic that I am writing this post after the last. 

Ava has, or I should say now, had a room where her friend J lived. J lives in what once was a small doctor's office in Mt. Clemens. The building was probably built in the 1960s. Much of the original decor remains. It is not suitable for living. Though it has bathrooms and showers, it does not have a stove, washer, or dyer. 

J is as close to a ghost as one can be these days. He has no ID or car. J lives off the grid because of some issues with back child support. He makes his money, a good deal of it from what I gather, off the internet, in shady ways. 

J desperately wants a relationship, but his lifestyle does not lend itself to attracting anyone of quality, so he tends to get in arrangements with women who use him and dump him. He has gone through four or five in the year I have known Ava. Ava has known J for a long time and considers him a good friend. Probably the best friend she has.

J got dumped by his latest girlfriend this week. A woman he has known for two months but professes to be in love with. J spiraled, and arguments and name-calling ensued when Ava didn't return his calls immediately. Basically, it was a lot of drama. The type you expect from unstable people, and trust me, this guy is not stable. 

Ava texted me yesterday and asked if I could meet her at J's after work. She wanted to move her stuff out. I have picked Ava up from J's in the past and knew the location. I was not surprised when she texted me. J's new girlfriend had been causing issues the last time I saw Ava. My suggestion at the time was to let it go; she would be gone soon, just like the others.

When I got to the building, Ava was afraid to go inside. Ava is pretty timid when it comes to confrontation. I have no clue how she gets into loud arguments with her boyfriend, with her doing all the yelling.

We finally entered through the front door. Ava didn't want to go to the back of the building past J's room to her own. She wasn't sure if J was there. Her anxiety was making me nervous. We called out to J. He appeared from his room naked and confused but didn't seem threatening.

After J dressed, we indicated Ava wanted to move her stuff out. He remained civil in front of me during the process, although I caught him raising his voice to her once when I was loading the truck. He backed down when I suggested there was no need.

Ava told me J borrowed some money from her, $500. I don't think she would have pressed the issue if I hadn't stepped in and reminded him several times. 

Ava is a bit of a pack rat but not quite a hoarder. We filled her small SUV and my truck with things and still left items behind. The first thing she instinctively removed were several bags of returnable pop bottles. I reminded her to stick to the expensive stuff and leave the bottles.

J definitely has a screw loose. He reminds me of Alexis' pseudo-husband. They are a total mess but always want to fix everybody else and see nothing wrong with themselves. They can be funny and charming for short periods when in the public eye but continuously fall apart behind the scenes.

Ava planned on getting a storage unit the next day, but now it seems like it will be a few days. In the meantime, you guessed it, some of the stuff is in my basement. I found a few hundred dollars tucked inside a binder she didn't know she had while I was moving things around. 

How much of the blowout was Ava's fault is hard to tell. They both have their issues. I think he sees hers, but loneliness drove him to allow her to come and go at will. Ava must be kept in check, or she will take advantage of the situation.

I told her, " I am either the sanest guy you know, or I will have to reevaluate myself."

Ava stayed the night, and everything was fine. She spent the next afternoon sorting through her stuff, deciding what was going to storage, what would go to her mom's house and what would be returning to her boyfriend's house. Maybe she should get a bigger unit for when THAT falls through.

Another One

It took 4 Aleve to get me moving Sunday morning. Monday, it only took 3 to subside the muscle issues in my back. Today I am down to one. Hopefully, I will be back to normal by next week. 

Ava is becoming more and more unreliable. She informed me today that her boyfriend is insisting she sleep every night in their bed. It's not an unually request for someone who is supposed to be living with you. I think it is his way of saying I know you are still seeing other people on the side and this is how I want to deal with it.

Regardless, that means no more overnights for Ava. Add that to the fact she cannot travel anymore means she is becoming a less suitable companion. For now, I'm waiting to see what the results of my MRI and doctor's visit are next week. If I am getting surgery in December, there is no reason to start something new, and  I will put up with the way things are until then. If the doctor decides I should try physical therapy instead, I will start looking for someone new. Either way, if Ava's situation doesn't change. I will have to start looking for some new.

7 or 8

 Thursday, we saw our first snowflakes of the season. They quickly turn to rain. It will be in the 60s and 70s over the next few days, but it is a harboring of things to come. Last night both my stomach and my back were bothering me.

Ava came over, but I was not feeling myself, and she didn't stay long. I should have gone with my instincts and canceled. I enjoyed seeing her, but it was not fun for either of us. We planned her coming back next Tuesday for an overnight.

I threw up twice after she left and spent the early morning hours on the toilet. I suspect food poisoning again. Probably the spinach I added to my soup. By morning I was so dehydrated I felt dizzy in the shower and passed out. I woke up lying on the floor half out of the shower, confused and thinking how comfy the shower mat was. The shower curtain buffered my fall, and I didn't sustain any bruises.

This afternoon my stomach and my back are feeling better. I just need to stay away from the ab press in our gym at work and be careful what I eat for a few days. Today worked from home, which helped eliminate a bit of that stress.

I received an email from Billie yesterday. She passed her electrical journeymen's test on a Monday and gave birth the following Friday. She says the baby is doing well. Billie says she enjoys staying home but plans to return to work in December.

Billie has made a whole new life for herself. The one she probably should have had from the start. I feel like I wouldn't recognize her anymore. She thinks I deserve better than to be just passing the time with Ava. I replied that it is nice that she still feels that way, but what we get and deserve isn't always the same. In fact, I believe our choices bring us where we are, and I am okay with that.

I said, I wish I had more news, but things don't move fast around here. If you stopped by, you'd probably think they haven't moved at all.

It's true. My condo is like I remember my grandparent's houses. Always the same. Never really changing. A sure sign that I am getting old. 

I noticed I got another negative review on my book. Both are from women. 

 "Ewww. What a sad life. Typical middle-aged guy thinking (that) with he's a 10 when he's clearly a 4 and overcompensates by paying for women. Trash."

It is disappointing, but it doesn't bother me much. I wrote the book for myself. Not to paint some false truth but to chronicle the past. They can read into what they want, and actually, I consider myself about a 7 or 8 :). I am of average height, in shape, good in bed, and make twice the national average income. 

A Snapshot of October

I used to post this once a month. It was copied from the below blogger who is long gone. 

In homage to Sarah H. at Death Wears Diamond Jewelry who is no longer blogging but is missed.

Listening…  Barenaked Ladies

Reading…  Currently, I am not reading anything, although I have been thinking of finding a good fantasy series to pass the time.

Watching…  Andor, on Disney+, this is a cut above the other Star Wars series they are putting out.

Creating … Currently working on connecting my Lego towers 

Hoping… My aches and pains go away.

Buying… I did buy this giant Lego Castle set. I have not decided whether I will open it or not.    Otherwise, I am not planning on buying anything until Xmas.

Loving...  The fact that there are only 10 work weeks left in the year.

Planning… For my possible surgery in December

Missing… Today I am missing Tinkerbell.  I don't see her as much now that she lives on the other side of town.

Feeling…  Blah, I am not even looking forward to seeing Ava this evening.

This list is pretty lame. I hope I have a better one for November.

Alone

 I like waking up in the morning when it is still dark outside. It feels different than going to bed when it is dark. It feels like I still have time in bed. The reality is usually a different story. Still, I don't feel like getting out of bed lately.

Twin A wants to spend the weekend. He doesn't usually stay the whole time and asks to go home early. I don't like having company. I am happy in my isolation. Having Ava stop over a few times a month is enough socialization for me. I think it is the changing of the seasons. 

Besides, I am a hot mess right now. I chipped a tooth and will need a root canal. I will hold off on this until the new year, depending on the results of the MRI on my shoulder. My back is bothering me, and my stomach issues are returning. My stomach is not as painful as it was around the time of my father's passing. They never did find anything wrong. I concluded it was stress related. Now, like then, though, I don't feel stressed. Just off.

I have thrown myself into building with the Legos. I am striving to create something impressive, and things keep changing as my thoughts switch directions. I want the results to be detailed and spectacular. I don't care about the overall size of the display. As always, the lack of pieces in the right color holds me back. I think another trip it the used Lego store will be in order come November.

A lack of socializing leads to a lack of interesting posts. I was delving through the achieves the other day but didn't pull anything out. Rereading my encounters with the Gymnast. That girl was a handful. They all seem to be fading into memoirs.

This desire to be alone feels odd. I am unsure if it is natural or a symptom of a different type of depression. I seem to be carrying over into work and with my friend. I just feel like being left alone.

Weekend

And if you want to find me

I'll be out in the sandbox
Just wondering where the hell all the love has gone
I'm playing my guitar and building
Castles in the sun, oh, oh, oh
And singing "Fun, Fun, Fun"...Brian Wilson, Bare Naked Ladies.

Thursday, I lost a filling while eating a frozen cookie. I was too impatient to wait for it to thaw. It doesn't bother me, and I have an appointment Wednesday morning to get it replaced. After work on Friday, I could not wait to just get home and decompress. I turned done an invitation to go eat with Sam that night. I just wasn't feeling like going out. 

Saturday, I worked on dragons and towers. I didn't feel like leaving the house that day either, but I went to dinner. I wasn't good company. Moody would be the word I'd use. I didn't have much to share in the conversation; the restaurant was cold, and the waitress was underwhelmingly attentive-- see, moody.

I am fine sitting at home working on dragons and castles-- yet there is an underlying feeling of restlessness or resignation.

Eventually, these two will be connected by a castle wall and more rocks. I am not sure which will be placed on the left or right. I have a lot of work to do still. 

Sunday, Twin A and I went to breakfast and did a bunch of errands which included shopping and washing the Jeep. We came home after and watch a few episodes of Andor. I have been struggling with completing this post. I have an inability to articulate the way I feel. I am probably not looking at it close enough.

Ideas and Dreams

Tinkerbell called me last night around 6:00 pm. She told me her insurance was not covering her therapy and that she would have to stop. That is too bad. I think she was starting to get something out of it. Hopefully, she will be able to find a cheaper option. Jokingly, I told her my therapy sessions would cost less, but I would have to fit her in around my appointments with the narcissist.

Ava came over around 7:30 to spend the night. We went to Noodles & Co and ordered carryout, then stopped at Meijer to pick up cotton balls, a pear, and some gum. Everything a girl needs for a sleepover. 

After eating, Ava changed from her jeans and sweater into a pair of my sweats and my turquoise tee-shirt she always wears when she is over. We curled up on the couch and watched The Luckiest Girl on Netflix. It was okay. I think it was a bit longer than it needed to be, and I feel like they wrapped it up unrealistically. 

Ava and I stayed up until 2:00 am. She is dreading her upcoming thirtieth birthday in November. Ava feels like she hasn't gotten where she wants to be. I don't think she ever will. "You plan to clean your house in thirty days. It will take thirty days. If you plan on cleaning your house in three hours, and it will take three hours."

Financial security is her goal. It reminds me of another saying. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime. Ava doesn't want to learn to fish. I don't prioritize financial security. I figure I can always make money one way or another.

I woke up and started working from home at 7:00 am. Ava was a bit more reluctant to get out of bed. I think there is underlying unhappiness behind it. Ava is the type of person that sets multiple alarms to wake up. I haven't set the alarm for myself in close to ten years. Still, she isn't grumpy in the morning-- at least not with me.

Ava's favorite saying is, "that's just life." I try to remind her she is in the passenger seat and not driving. She is not setting the course; she just allows it to happen. I'll admit to having been that way from time to time. We all can admit to allowing life to move us rather than taking control at some point, but Ava takes it a bit far. Mainly because she does not have anything motivating her-- just a lot of ideas and dreams.

She spends her days up in the north park
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask?

With a safe home, and a warm bed
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just that something to hold onto
That's all she needs, yeah...Be Like That, 3 Doors Down

Tower Update

I spent two hours cleaning the condo and putting up Halloween decorations Saturday. The decorations won't be seen by many people, but I still like putting them out. It is the only holiday I will decorate for this year. 

Max woke me up at 7:00 am to go to breakfast Sunday. He has been getting up early to work on his college courses. I was still in bed when he came in through the front door. 

 After breakfast, I took another stab at the central piece for my new display. I am happy with the results of this tower. The proportions are not bad, and it comes apart in four pieces. The side towers are firmly attached, and the dragon helps stabilize the weight of the top. I was going to reduce the size of the girth of the lowest portion, but Max convinced me to keep it.

 I had time left over to clean the room and table after.

Now the question is what is next. The platform in the background is for the tower It will need to be bigger. There is a waterfall hidden by the tower that connects the upper and lower levels. I like that. I have two more dragons to incorporate somehow, but I don't want to make more round towers. 

Finished

 I finished making my habitats. I had to stop. I have enough Halloween-related Legos to continue forever, but it was consuming too much time. I stopped at nine. I will show three early and keep the final six for the stack.

Here are the final results. Please help me decide which ones will not make it in the final stack. Most have been revised from the original concepts slightly.

Trick or Treat

I like this one, but you cannot see the ghost in the window well.

The Mummy

I wanted to add more to this, but the size limits what I could do.

Floating Ghost

Killer Clown

I made him more John Wayne Gacy and moved him

behind the dead cheerleader

The Witch

I added clouds and moved a few items.

Egor

I changed the tombstone to a cross.

Dr. Frankenstien 

This one stayed the same.

Trick or Treat Two

Stayed the same

Zombie card players stayed the same.

Habitats

I had some free time, so here is my stack so far.

Zombies Playing Cards

Scary Trick or Treat

A Witch at Work

Killer Clown

Doctor Frankenstein 

 

Egor Digging For Parts

Habitats For Halloween

I started getting sick last Wednesday. It settled into my chest over the weekend, but I am back to normal now. I didn't test for Covid. It really would not matter whether it was positive or not. I worked from home on Friday, though.

As some of you suspected, I took the tower apart. I tried making the base wider, but I think the base is too broad at this point, and I need to start over again. In the meantime, I have put the tower aside to build a series of Halloween habitats for a contest. 

I completed my six habitats last night, but I do not need to submit them until October 25th, so I will modify them a bit more and take some good pictures. This won't happen until the weekend, though.

I figured out the last bit of the narcissist puzzle I have been dealing with. Ava is a vulnerable (sometimes called covert) narcissist. This video explains her well. I knew I was on the right track with my narcissistic diagnosis. Still, I felt something was inconsistent because while she lacks empathy, she doesn't show the grandiose attributes I expected. 

This doesn't change anything. Ava is still fun to be around, and it doesn't interfere with what I expect from her. She still goes out of her way to keep me satisfied. 

I went to the doctor for an evaluation of my shoulder. He said my bone structure is good, but I probably have a tear in the muscle on the front side of my shoulder. I go in for an MRI at the end of the month. He said I could do physical therapy to try strengthening the other muscles, but that doesn't sound like a fix to the problem. At this point, I am thinking about having it fixed right before the Christmas holidays.

It will take three months to recover; winter is the best time for that. For now, I will wait for the MRI and see what he thinks once he sees the results.

Tear Down and Rebuild

 I spent the weekend working in the Lego room. The display from the show is taken apart. I only saved the three towers. It went faster than I expected. 

I learned a few things from the Lego show-- kids like dragons, the taller your model, the better, and lights are appreciated. I am going to incorporate these into my next project. I have modified the wizard's tower, which will be the centerpiece of the new display. Here are a few pictures.

I like the look from this angle.

Believe it or not, it does stand on its own. There was a bit of engineering involved in getting the second tower to remain straight and not topple the whole thing.

I don't like the proportions from this angle, and the walls are boring. I have these light blue bricks I wanted to add, but I was too busy trying to get the mechanics to work.

The dragon is actually flying. I have ordered two more!

I added a blue light to the tower.

I know they are hard to see, but it doesn't travel well, so I didn't take them to the basement greenscreen. I am not sure I am happy with the proportions. I will probably take the whole thing apart and start from scratch. I don't currently have enough dark blue bricks for the lower roof. The grey ones are just placeholders until I order more.

Don't be surprised if I change the whole thing. As I write this, I am thinking about scrapping this idea and going with two more of the smaller spires along the main body. The wolfpack tower's body is more conducive to adding spires, but it is not as round, and I have not tried doing the spiral stairs on it. I definitely have more thinking to do.

I spent all Sunday sorting through my parts.  could spend days organizing and looking through all the unique pieces. It is my happy place for sure.