Coping

 I went out with Ava several times but never picked up where we left off. Despite what Ava says, I don't think she has broken up with her boyfriend. She has it in her mind, but he doesn't think so. This is all from my casual observations. At one point, Ava suggested she would need more to come over but could only stay for an hour. I told her that wouldn't work for me. Something tells me I haven't seen the last of her though.

What have I been doing?  Like half the men in their 20s, I have been glued to my tablet playing an online game. The game is called LastWar and it is raking in billions. You can download it from your phone, but I don't suggest it :). I spend nights on Discord chatting with members of my alliance and trying to grow my squads.

I have been secluding myself away from others by choice. I went out last month with Jay, Sam, and Alexis to celebrate our collective birthdays, but for the most part, I haven't even been spending time with them. It just doesn't bring me joy. The only ones I see regularly are Max and the twins.

Gia and I text regularly. She is happy in Tampa again, and far enough away from the coast to have weathered both Hurricanes unscathed. About once a month we get on Zoom so I can see her gorgeous smile. We are planning a Zoom call on Thanksgiving.

I received a drunk call from Tinkerbell late Friday night. She was walking home from the bar. I think her boyfriend Tech doesn't approve of our relationship. I don't blame him. While I consider it more of a father/daughter type bond at this point, I can see how it can be intimidating. Tink wanted me to know that T-Rex is doing good. He is away, at Central Michigan University now. 

I think Tinkerbell is sacrificing her happiness for the T-Rex's future. "Don't ever think, I don't love," Tinkerbell stated more than once. "You are my Luke." This is a reference to a character on the show Gilmore Girls. "Lorelai ended up marrying Luke." I assured her that wouldn't happen with us.

Tink's unhappiness was palatable. More from what she wouldn't talk about than what she did. I do miss her. I miss the days when we would talk for hours on the phone. This conversation just leaves me perplexed.

Are we all just trapped in unhappy lives? Some of us just coping better than others.

The Weekend

I am wrapping my weekend events up in a single post lately. This will be no different. 

When I got home Friday night, the crew was still staining my deck. I paid someone to do it. Although I had the time, I wanted to do something other than the project. I did ask them to leave me some stain for a wooden table I had on the deck.

Years ago, Billie brought home a semi-circle wooden table that ended up on the deck. Over the years, it had faded, but the wood was still in good shape. I woke up early on Saturday, took the table to the garage, sanded it down, and stained it to match. My deck looks very fresh now with my new chairs and matching stained table. 

Skipping back to Friday night, Alexis and Sam invited me over. They had two other female friends over for drinks. I declined. The thought of drinking with a group of women did not appeal to me. None of them are cute and available. 

Sunday, I decided to clean up the landscaping in front of the condo. The association should do more of this, but we are underfunded; therefore, it is primarily up to the homeowners. I added a few edging strips around my porch area and removed the weeds. Then I weeded a six-foot circle around the tree in the median right in front of my unit. 

I also prepped the ceiling in the laundry room for repair but did not get to spackling. Max came over, and we waxed his car instead. After, he showed me a few of his videos on Youtube. Max has a small number of followers on Youtube. He could be bigger if he put any effort into it. He doesn't seem to want that. His are all gaming videos. He is the worst type of player. He likes to go in and create chaos. 

Pendulum Swing

I just finished reading The Body Under The Ice. I planned on working the last one-hundred pages of the edits over both days this weekend, but I couldn't put it down. The last fifty suck you in. It is like reading an episode of Murder She Wrote. I hope to be half as prolific as Dave one day.

Friday night Sam and I went to dinner. We eat pizza and Green Lantern. One of our usual haunts. I've been eating out too much. It is beginning to show round my waistline. Sam told me how Alexis is obsessing over getting a life insurance policy. She wants to leave something for her nineteen-year-old son. She has a set sum in mind, two-hundred thousand dollars, but only wants to pay a little for it. 

The stumbling block Alexis has run into is her medical history. She goes to a shading doctor, who prescribes whatever she wants-- Aderall, muscle relaxes, etc. I don't know why she thinks she will die prematurely. If she does, it will be from abusing these drugs and alcohol. Nor do I understand why she feels the need to provide her son with that kind of money. At nineteen, he is failing high school, doesn't drive or work, and has little ambition to do anything be play video games-- and yes, he is already obese. 

I have my opinions concerning what her son actually needs. Sam would agree, but Alexis wouldn't want to hear them, so we keep them to ourselves. Although I will say, he doesn't have a healthy home environment that values hard work. He is just another example of this lost boy generation. Good times make for weak men. The pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. I hope to see it correct to a neutral position before I die.

Blue Monday

Well, SAD (seasonal affective disorder) sure does explain much of the way I have been feeling. January is a long month, but we are halfway through.

Saturday, I received a text from Alexis.

Alexis: Going with us this evening?

Bathwater: I don't think so.

Alexis: You are Debbie Downer. You would have fun.

Alexis was referring to the fundraiser. One of Sam's coworkers has leukemia and is facing large medical bills. The fundraiser is for her. I didn't respond to Alexis' comment, but later, Sam called and asked if I wanted to 'uber" them from the event. "If I am driving there to pick you two up, I might as well go."

I cleaned myself up and headed over to pick them up. The fundraiser was at a UAW hall close to my work. I was there for a bachelor party many years ago. So long ago, I cannot remember whose bachelor party it was. The hall has been remodeled since that party. It is a nice venue. Union due funded.

The fundraiser seemed to have a good turnout. Sam and Alexis are beauticians. They work with plenty of females. There was a heavy mix of females in the crowd. I knew several and met a few new ones. I can pass as somewhat entertaining and charming when the occasion calls for it. Especially after a few beers.

Alexis was hammered by the end of the night. Sam had less to drink. I allowed myself to be dragged out onto the dance floor a couple of times. Once with a woman I do not like, and once with Sam. I am not much of a dancer, though.

Going to parties like these reminds me that it is not me physically that is the problem. I found myself getting plenty of attention from a few women at the party. It's me mentally that is the problem. Which might be harder to change, though I am trying. 

I have boxed myself into this corner. I don't want to date women my own age. I am not looking for someone to take care of or to take care of me. I like to have fun, but I don't want to change my ways. Ava was perfect for that, but I don't like the hassle of finding someone new every year, and I am not getting any younger.

I don't want to settle. You know what was nice about being with Billie? There was no one else I wanted to be with. Now, I don't want to get that close. I won't fight to keep someone around. Not anymore. It isn't worth it.

Christmas Present and Past

It is the day after Christmas. Twin A spent the night yesterday. This morning, I got out of the house to pick up a few supplies. When I got home, I noticed my phone had stopped working. The clerk at the phone store said it was the screen, but I had wanted a new phone anyway, so I bought a new Galaxy flip for myself. I can afford a Christmas present. It is the only one I received. Not that I was looking for gifts.

I went to have dinner with Alexis and Sam on Christmas eve. Alexis made ham and other accompaniments. I heard from Ava, my kids, and a few friends on Christmas. The only one who didn't reply was Tinkerbell. She was silent. 

I stopped enjoying Christmas about the time I got divorced. Though, it has always stressed me out. The best Christmas I've had lately was when Firefly and I were on the road trip, and we did Christmas in Tucson. I did a brief search through old posts. There were no happy Christmas posts. Even when Billie and I were together, we went to Milford and spent the day with her extended family. I never enjoyed that. I felt like a fish out of water.

Here is a post from a December past.

All I Want For Christmas
Originally Posted Tuesday, December 15, 2009

All I want for Christmas is Miranda Kerr with a bow on her ass. I'd settle for a select few others if there are no more Mirandas on the shelf.

Presents show how well a person knows you or how much a person thinks of you. I hate getting presents. Luckily I get very few anymore, so I needn't worry much. A few years back, I was picking Max up on Christmas Eve. He came out of the ex-wife's house with a present wrapped for me. It was a few of his own toys. The poor kid felt so bad. Luckily now he gets to buy things at Santa Shop at school. What a mother.

I like giving gifts. Tinkerbell was always a fun person to buy for. She liked anything I picked out. The Twins know how to suck the joy right out of Christmas lately. We will see how THAT proceeds. I swear I've raised them wrong. They are greedy little bastards. Honestly, I'll be glad when the holidays are over, and everyone is gone. The shit just stresses me out. Besides, what's the point if Miranda Kerr isn't under the tree?

*     *     *

When the kids were little, I always ensured they had something for their mother for Christmas. I didn't put much effort into it, but I ensured they picked something out. 

Christmas now is time away from work. A chance to do for me and relax. That is where the joy comes from. Maybe I am bitter or just being realistic. Next year, I should plan another getaway.

Appointments

 I went to the doctor Wednesday for my consultation. I have a tear in the tendon on the front side of my shoulder, which also caused the upper anchor of my bicep to shift and the bicep muscle to come out of its groove. I have scheduled surgery for December 20th. December 19th will be the last day I work this year. This means I only have six work weeks left this year, and the week of Thanksgiving is not a whole week.

It was my first time seeing the doctor at this location. It happened to be the exact location of my father's oncologist. I don't know why doctors need to have several locations across the suburbs instead of just one. This surgeon has three. All are within twenty minutes of my office. He cannot be in three places on the same day. I guess he could, but it seems awfully inconvenient.

I had Alexis cut my hair on Wednesday night, and we went to dinner after. I uttered one word for every hundred of hers. Alexis was definitely wired on something. She told me tales from the funeral of her ex-boyfriend's mother and how his new girlfriend is short, clingy, and ugly. Honestly, Alexis has a lot of narcissistic tendencies herself.

Alexis went on about the shady doctor she was seeing. This doctor has lost his license in the past. He over-prescribes medication. Alexis walked out with five prescriptions she didn't need, including Adderal. I think the Adderal had her mouth running a mile a minute. 

Drama-- It's Been Awhile

 It is ironic that I am writing this post after the last. 

Ava has, or I should say now, had a room where her friend J lived. J lives in what once was a small doctor's office in Mt. Clemens. The building was probably built in the 1960s. Much of the original decor remains. It is not suitable for living. Though it has bathrooms and showers, it does not have a stove, washer, or dyer. 

J is as close to a ghost as one can be these days. He has no ID or car. J lives off the grid because of some issues with back child support. He makes his money, a good deal of it from what I gather, off the internet, in shady ways. 

J desperately wants a relationship, but his lifestyle does not lend itself to attracting anyone of quality, so he tends to get in arrangements with women who use him and dump him. He has gone through four or five in the year I have known Ava. Ava has known J for a long time and considers him a good friend. Probably the best friend she has.

J got dumped by his latest girlfriend this week. A woman he has known for two months but professes to be in love with. J spiraled, and arguments and name-calling ensued when Ava didn't return his calls immediately. Basically, it was a lot of drama. The type you expect from unstable people, and trust me, this guy is not stable. 

Ava texted me yesterday and asked if I could meet her at J's after work. She wanted to move her stuff out. I have picked Ava up from J's in the past and knew the location. I was not surprised when she texted me. J's new girlfriend had been causing issues the last time I saw Ava. My suggestion at the time was to let it go; she would be gone soon, just like the others.

When I got to the building, Ava was afraid to go inside. Ava is pretty timid when it comes to confrontation. I have no clue how she gets into loud arguments with her boyfriend, with her doing all the yelling.

We finally entered through the front door. Ava didn't want to go to the back of the building past J's room to her own. She wasn't sure if J was there. Her anxiety was making me nervous. We called out to J. He appeared from his room naked and confused but didn't seem threatening.

After J dressed, we indicated Ava wanted to move her stuff out. He remained civil in front of me during the process, although I caught him raising his voice to her once when I was loading the truck. He backed down when I suggested there was no need.

Ava told me J borrowed some money from her, $500. I don't think she would have pressed the issue if I hadn't stepped in and reminded him several times. 

Ava is a bit of a pack rat but not quite a hoarder. We filled her small SUV and my truck with things and still left items behind. The first thing she instinctively removed were several bags of returnable pop bottles. I reminded her to stick to the expensive stuff and leave the bottles.

J definitely has a screw loose. He reminds me of Alexis' pseudo-husband. They are a total mess but always want to fix everybody else and see nothing wrong with themselves. They can be funny and charming for short periods when in the public eye but continuously fall apart behind the scenes.

Ava planned on getting a storage unit the next day, but now it seems like it will be a few days. In the meantime, you guessed it, some of the stuff is in my basement. I found a few hundred dollars tucked inside a binder she didn't know she had while I was moving things around. 

How much of the blowout was Ava's fault is hard to tell. They both have their issues. I think he sees hers, but loneliness drove him to allow her to come and go at will. Ava must be kept in check, or she will take advantage of the situation.

I told her, " I am either the sanest guy you know, or I will have to reevaluate myself."

Ava stayed the night, and everything was fine. She spent the next afternoon sorting through her stuff, deciding what was going to storage, what would go to her mom's house and what would be returning to her boyfriend's house. Maybe she should get a bigger unit for when THAT falls through.

Hypocrisy

Counting all the assholes in the room
Well, I'm definitely not alone well, I'm not alone
You're a liar, you're a cheater, you're a fool
Well, that's just like me, ooh-ooh, and I know you too
Mr. Perfect don't exist, my little friend
And I tell you that again, and I do it again...Still Counting, Volbeat

I went to Alexis' house Wednesday night to get my hair cut. Alexis has a salon set up in her basement and has been only cutting hair at home since the pandemic. We discussed Ava and the latest news when Alexis commented, "I wouldn't want to pay someone just to be around me. I would just go bang, Harry."

Harry is a married guy she hooks up with. "Guys pay in one way or another," I tell her.

I didn't bother reminding her that Harry is married and only hangs around her because Alexis will have sex with him. Nor did I bring up the fact Alexis recently married a man she doesn't love in hopes that when he dies, she will get his life insurance, pension, and health insurance. They don't live together. Supposedly they don't have sex, although I wonder.

Alexis is in her early fifties. She has an underachieving son who plays video games all day and will probably never launch. Alexis is overweight, an alcoholic, and has a gambling addiction. If she were a guy, she wouldn't be able to pay someone to have sex with her, but that is not how it works for women. 

I think I have solved my problem efficiently. Sure I could start dating someone like Alexis. Even in Detroit's depressing dating market, I swipe left on women like her all the time.

Long Weekend

 It was a full weekend. Friday, I managed to get someone out to fix the air conditioner. $300 later, it was up and running. We also picked up Max's car from the shop. That was another $3300.  An expensive start to a long weekend. After getting all that out of the way, I took the twins' presents and out for ice cream for their birthday. 

Saturday, Max was supposed to come over early and help me swap the Chinese knock-off steel bumper on the Gladiator for the original factory bumper. The steel number is starting to rust around the blot holes and needs to be repainted. I am unsure if I will end up repainting or scrapping it and getting something else.

Chinese Knock-off steel bumper

Original Bumper

By noon Saturday, I had the bumper switch, the Jeep washed, the top and the doors off, all before Max woke. I was ready for a nap after that. Later in the evening, Sam and I went to dinner in the Jeep. After eating, we went to several stores in search of pasta noodles. Alexis planned to make macaroni salad for a Fourth of July party and needed four boxes. I guess macaroni salad is popular on the holiday. The selves were bare.

Sunday, I headed across town to go biking with Tinkerbell and Tech. It was our first ride of the year. Tinkerbell wanted to get some miles in. I suggested being flexible on our route and starting at Kensington Park. That would allow us options for extending or shorting our ride, but Tink didn't like that idea.

We started from their home in Novi and rode into South Lyons for lunch. On our return trip, we took the cut leading to Kensington Park. We rode to Kensington but ended up riding through Island Lake instead.  Island Lake is a state park that borders Kensington Park. I think it is less crowded and more scenic than Kensington.

The temperature was in the mid-eights. We rode a total of forty-six miles and were out all day. It was exhausting. I said this before, anything over thirty miles gives you a diminished return. It is better to ride for one hour every day than five hours in one day.

Sam, Alexis, and I went to a Four of July party the next day. One of their childhood friends is a famous former major league baseball player. His wife has a large family that still lives in the area, so they have never moved. They live in a subdivision a few miles away from Alexis. 

In the large subdivision, a group of twenty homes surround a small man-made lake. The houses are huge million-dollar homes packed close together on tiny lots. They have the party every year. I have only attended once before. I usually know ten people, including the host, but I am not big on crowds, and this party is pretty big.

They serve grilled fillets and chicken instead of hamburgers and hot dogs.  I would call it affiance at its finest, but the hosts are the nicest down-to-earth people. The houses on the lake chip in for a professional fireworks display. Last night the fireworks went on for thirty minutes. The finale was a combination of white bangs and a golden shower of sparks that filled the sky and rained down dangerously on us.

Karma

I have been having a bought of lousy karma lately. Max's car is in the shop still, which is going to cost me $3200 and now the air conditioning unit at the condo went out last night.

Yesterday, I went to see Alexis and get my haircut. Candy, one of Alexis' old coworkers, was there when I got to Alexis' house. Candy wanted Alexis to pop a cyst she had in her armpit. Candy is a nice woman, but she is an alcoholic. She looks as older as Alexis though she is ten years younger. You can see the toll her lifestyle has taken on her.

After hanging out with the girls for a while, I went to get gas and deposit an expense check at the bank.  I noticed a woman parked oddly in the bank parking lot on the way through the drive-through. I finished my banking and was about to pull onto the road when I noticed the woman had a flat tire.

My first thought was not to get involved, but I got out and slowly approached her vehicle and asked if she needed help.  She indicated she called a serviceman, but they were an hour out.  It was getting late.  The sun would be down soon.

"Miss, would you like me to change the tire?"

The woman said, yes that would be great. She was probably in her mid-thirties and dressed in dark blue scrubs. It was a newer GM vehicle. Ten minutes later she was good to go. Hopefully, that will spread some good karma.

Week's End

Alexis' mom was in a car accident Wednesday. She is okay, but she is in the hospital with broken ribs. Apparently, the hospital is overcrowded so getting her into a room was problematic. She will be in the hospital for a few more days.

The girl I saw last week wants to meet again. I never gave her a blog name because I didn't think her story was going somewhere. She claims not to be your typical addict. Then again, I would say Billie was not your typical addict. Billie was a functional addict. Either way, I don't need to go back down that road. 

Tinkerbell called me last night at 11:00 pm. It was usually late for a weekday. She and Tech are having issues, and she was upset. They are not the type of issues that are easily fixed. They are supposed to talk more tonight, but I feel, at best, it will only be a temporary fix.

Work has been busy. I don't have time to put my thoughts into words. I will try catching up this weekend.

Memorial Weekend

 It is Memorial Day, and I am delaying going on a solo bike ride by writing this post. Saturday Alexis texted me asking if I would replace some items in her bathroom. She fell and took out the toilet seat, shower curtain rod, and tube spicket. She claims alcohol was not involved, but judging from the bruises all over her body and the destruction, I doubt that to be the case.

Her husband of convince bought the parts to replace the broken items but managed to get the wrong ones. It took three trips to Home Depot to get the right parts. Her hubby was in Frankenmuth with an ex-girlfriend. Alexis was out drinking with a male friend. I've stopped asking. I will probably do a whole post on people next week.

Sam and I went biking on Saturday. Her bike is old and not suited for her anymore. We made it halfway on our ride then she started to complain about her arms. I suggested we switch bikes. Mine is a comfort bike. What I told her she should be riding. It made the difference and we road for another five miles.

After, we met up with Jay and his wife for drinks and a light meal. Jay's wife works in finance. She was telling us how her company is pandering to the woke culture on the left. Everyone has a group and they are encouraged to participate. It can be detrimental to your career if you don't.

Unironically, there is not a group for old white guys. You would be scorned and laughed out of human resources to suggest such an idea because we have been privileged our entire lives and cannot possibly be faced with any issues. Obviously, we do not deal with cancer, aging parents, high rates of suicide, and labels. We are asked to understand others, who do understand us. 

I think there is a lack of understanding all around and we are all being sold a lie. I am going to take that bike ride.

Three-day Weekend

 It was a busy three-day weekend.  The weather was still cold and dreary, but I expect to have some good days this week for our trip to Kentucky.  Friday, I went to have Alexis cut my hair, and I removed and installed screens in their new windows. 

After I left, her sister's boss called. Alexis' older sister is an alcoholic and goes through binge cycles where she doesn't eat and only drinks. Alexis' sister is not healthy on a good day. She only weighs ninety pounds. The sister passed out at work, and Alexis was forced to pick her up and get her to the ER. She was a mess. I didn't learn all this until Sunday, but I am getting ahead of the story.

Saturday, Ava and I went to Whole Foods to stock up on snacks for our upcoming road trip this week. After grocery shopping, we stopped and had lunch at one of the small restaurants near the grocery. We decided to extend the day by going to the gym, so we swung by her place to pick up her gym bag and then headed for my condo to unload the snacks.  We ended up going to the gym location closer to my house. It is a nicer location than where she usually goes.

Ava did some time on the stair machine (her favorite) and the sauna, while I used the weight machines that my gym at work lacks. We didn't stay long, but the gym is next to an outdoor mall, so we also walked around there. Though cold, the sun was out earlier in the day, but the sun was behind clouds when we got to the outdoor mall. We didn't end up staying long. 

Ava picked up two items at Buckle. A bright red spaghetti strip bra-let and a rose color crop-top with lacy details around the neck and shoulders. She doesn't think she has the body to wear them, but I continuously assure her she does. She will say, one day, when I am in shape. She is young and in shape now. It gets harder the older you get, so she shouldn't wait.

Sunday, I got the bikes ready for our trip. I pulled the spare bike off the stand in the basement and replaced the training tire with a road wheel. I added a phone and water bottle holder to the orange bike and moved the accessory rack because the seat will be too low for it if Ava is riding the silver bike. I am almost set for the road trip to Mammouth Caves National Park.

My two bikes

I had Easter dinner over at Alexis' house. There were five of us, including Sam and me. After, we went to Alexis' sister's work to pick up her car and take it back to her house. The sister is still in the hospital detoxing. Sam and I made a quick trip to Meijer to pick up a part for a broken toilet, and Alexis cleaned up and took care of the sister's cats.

Blah

It is a quiet week. I worked from home Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday night, I went to the 7:00 pm Basic Class for yoga. I prefer the Wednesday class at 5:30 pm. The regulars that come to the Tuesday night class are talkative and loud prior to the start. It makes it hard to get relaxed. Ava prefers the later start time. Even though she didn't join me this week, I didn't bother switching. I will next week if Ava doesn't join me.

The newlywed bride is trimming my hair Thursday. I'm sure Alexis will have plenty to tell me. My hair isn't that long. Usually, I'd wait a week, but I feel like I will be busy next week, and I want to look nice for the Tennesse trip.

Ava and I are going to dinner Friday. I haven't asked her any questions concerning the arrangement she is thinking about entering. All she's told me so far is, thanks to my advice, she would be living alone if she accepted it. I'm pretty sure Ava will. Whether she will still be able to see me regularly, if she does is yet to be seen. I should start looking for a new girl, but I haven't been in the mood.

I've been on other dating apps lately and had a few conversations, but I haven't been interested in anyone who has been interested in me. I just fade after a few text exchanges. The Detroit metro area is abysmal for dating.

My road trip is only is ten days away. The forecast is not predicting warm weather, but I don't care. I just want to get away for a few days. This is the first time Ava and I have traveled together. I'm curious how she will be on the road and on the trip in general.

After

It was close to ten. Most of the wedding guests had left the restaurant. The staff was cleaning up, mostly ignoring the few of us that remained. I joined the best man and one of his friends sitting alone at the bar in conversation.

The best man wanted to ask our waitress for her number. He is a young kid, barely old enough to drink. "How should I do it?" He asks me. 

"Look, you are tall, good-looking. Just ask her if she would like to hang out sometime and ask for her number. What do you have to lose? The worst thing that can happen is she will say no."

She didn't say no, and they exchanged numbers.

Alexis had her mind set on going to a bar to dance after the wedding. Sam and I wanted to go home. She was drunk, and I was tried, but Alexis was offended when we wanted to call it a night, so we acquiesced. 

I drove the newlyweds. They were in no shape to drive, but I had maintained my designated driver status through the evening. We went to a microbrewery a few miles away in downtown St. Clair. The bar was not crowded, and the patrons were primarily young hipsters.

Six of us went to the bar from the wedding, the bride and groom, the groom's sister and her husband, Sam, and me. Sam and a stuffed dollars into the electronic jukebox and picked out songs, but the staff remotely turned down the music as we made our choices. They didn't want the outsiders getting rowdy.

No one danced, and the conversation revolved around childhood memories. The others have known each other since childhood, so I had little to add to the discussion. I'm not much of a social person and tend to grow silent in a crowd. It is something I should probably work on. I prefer one on one conversations.

Sam and I stayed for an hour then left the newlyweds in the hands of the other couple who were also staying the night at the motel. We discussed the evening on the ride home. Sam mostly downplayed the consequences that would later stem from the marriage. 

I forgot to ask Sam about her own relationship issues. During dinner, Alexis indicated that Sam went back to the guy she dropped after being stood up on New Year for one evening. Sam insisted her feelings had changed and she wouldn't be dating him. I noted Sam posted a selfie of her and me on Instagram where this guy would see it. He initially reached out to her on Instagram. It is one of only two photos she's ever posted.

Sam may say she is over him, but the move was calculated nonetheless. Alexis told me Sam spent an evening looking over the guy's Facebook account from her phone. Sam doesn't have her own Facebook account. This had something to do with her decision.

The Wedding

 Saturday, I laid around most of the morning before making myself lunch and getting on the computer. I typed out my latest post and worked on edits to Dave R's new book. Outside it was raining and gloomy. I couldn't shake the urge to write. Editing motivates me to work on my own stories.

I pulled on a black pair of work pants and ironed a casual blue button-down shirt for the wedding. Alexis said the groom was wearing jeans, so I didn't feel the need to overdress. I wanted to wash the Gladiator before picking up Sam and Alexis, but the rain drowned that idea.

I picked up Sam at her house. She wore black slacks and a black jacket over a white lowcut top that showed plenty of cleavage. Alexis was already at the venue. As soon as we got into the truck, Sam described how someone the groom told spread the news to others in  Alexis' social circle. 

The ceremony had not happened yet, and it was already public news amongst Alexis' friends that she was keeping it secret from. Who knows why she wanted it to be hidden. Probably because she is doing it for the money. Perhaps she was afraid someone would talk the groom out of it.

The wedding was held at The River Crab, an upscale restaurant on the shore of the St. Clair river. The groom purchased two rooms at the attached Blue Water Inn motel, and a few of the guests did also. The St. Clair river narrows at this location. Canada can be seen just a few yards away. The St. Clair River joins Lake Huron to Lake St. Clair, which leads to the Detroit River. People come out to eat and watch the freighters go by in the summer.  

The rain continued throughout the day and into the night. Sam and I met up with Alexis in her room while the groom was getting ready three doors down. Alexis was visibly nervous, and both women were already pre-drinking. Sam showed me the groom's ring. It was a simple silver band, but it was huge. I slid it over my thumb with room to spare. 

Before the ceremony, the officiator came to our room to have the bride, groom, and witnesses sign the marriage license. I offered to get the groom. I refrained from asking if he was ready to sign his life away and instead opted to just say he needed to sign the license.

The bride wore black slacks over a white top. She showed me a pair of white lace underwear when Sam and I arrived. There was a small round electronic music device attached to the front. When you squeezed it, Here Comes The Bride played. "I found these in my underwear draw last night," She told me excitedly. "I haven't seen them in thirty years, and it still works."

 The groom wore a blue sports coat over a blue tee-shirt and grey jeans. The groom carries most of his weight in his ample stomach, but he doesn't look like he is ready to check out anytime soon. He's a deep-voiced gregarious man. Who is outwardly funny and flirtatious, but from all accounts lonely and disturbed.

Neither the groom nor bride are tall, and both are overweight, but if you met them, you would think they make a good pairing.

The ceremony and dinner occurred in a room off the main dining area with a beautiful river view. The ceremony was quick. Just the words you expect to hear at a wedding. The groom briefly spoke after. Sam and I sat with the bride and groom at a small round table, and the twenty other guests, all from the groom's side, sat down from us.

A few things were obvious. The groom and guest took the wedding as more than just a convenient arrangement. It was hard to tell what the bride was thinking. If the guests felt it was strange that the bride did not invite any of her friends to the wedding outside of Sam and me, only the groom's sister mentioned it, and I think she knew more about the true nature of the wedding. 

The groom painted it as childhood sweethearts who have finally come back together. I find that hard to accept because Monday, they will go back to living separate lives in separate houses with no plans of moving in together.

It just reinforces the idea that I will never get married again. Sam jokingly asked, "You wouldn't consider marrying me, Bathwater?" 

"Sam, I'll admit you are on my exceptions list." 

She was by far the prettiest woman there that evening, and I found myself staring at her cleavage more than once. Though she is a good and loyal friend, she is not in love with me, and I am in love with a different ideal.

Snippets

This week has been full of conversation. Each deserves a separate post, but I have been to busy lately. Her are snippets from a few.

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now, here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentlemen
Like you imagined when you were young

Ava is lying below me. we are lying diagonally across the bed and her legs are over my shoulders. She already came while I had her bent over the side of the bed and I have slowed the pace. The sex has been a mixture of conversation and acrobatics. I'm a talker, even in bed.

I am resting on my hunches while still inside her, lightly stroking her ribs and along the underside of her breast with my fingers. "That feels nice," she tells me. "You should write a book. I would be vouch for you."

"I already wrote a book. You didn't read it," I tell her.

"Is there sex in it?"

"Some," I assure her. I withhold the fact I have written about our encounters here on this blog, though she knows I still write.

"I have been with younger guys and they don't have your stamina. You have to reveal your diet, or whatever it is..." She has made this comment before.

"I think these condoms have more to do with it."  I don't mention any other reason. I know when to keep my mouth shut. I take her praise with a grain of salt, but it is nice to hear. She still has plenty to experience. Still, it doesn't hurt for her to think about what she will be missing if she proceeds with her deal.

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus,
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know... When you Were Young, The Killers

*     *     *

I checked in with Firefly last night. I have been keeping tabs on her Snapchat and Instagram posts. She appears happy, but she is good about posting things in the best light.

Bathwater: So blondie, how are you and the orange doing? I am proud of the way you stepped up to your situation.

Firefly: She is an avocado now! She's good. I have the anatomy scan April 4th. I should be moving out by May. I have $1500 saved right now.

Bathwater: Wow, you are doing good! Is baby-daddy pulling his weight?

Firefly: Kinda,lol. He just got a new job $15 an hour.

Firefly is planning a shower, working, and keeping up with her probation requirements. I didn't inquire any further for now. I am sure she knows she has a long road ahead of her.

*     *     *

Alexis called me Wednesday, out of the blue, complaining about having to find a dress and how nothing fits. The wedding has become a bigger affair than she planned. The groom has invited twenty people. Alexis invited only Sam and me. She told her mom about the nuptials but reminded me not to mention where we are going on Saturday in front of her son. He will think we are going to a friend's class reunion.

"Sam has been crabby lately," Alexis tells me. Sam broke up with a short-term boyfriend in January. Her first in over two years.

"That's what happens when you stop getting laid," I tell her.

Sam doesn't say much concerning Alexis' plans. The two have known each other too long. She just watches things unfold. She is probably passive-aggressively expressing her disapproval. Apparently, I am not only Sam's date for the evening but her designated driver. There is sure to be a lot of drinking at this wedding. The bride and groom and staying the night at a hotel, separate rooms I am told. Both will be too drunk to do more than pass out anyway.

It should be an interesting occasion. I cannot wait to relate the details.

Follow-Up

I would like to address questions in the comments in the previous post.

Several people pointed out men can be emotional too. I agree. I am very emotional. It would be a better statement to say that the way the man and the woman approach these arrangements will be different. 

Alexis is a hairstylist. She lives with her 80-year-old mother, her 16-year-old son, and Sam. Alexis worked out of a salon before covid. Now she works out of her house and survives off that income and government assistance. She is trying to get on disability, but Sam questions whether she qualifies (so do I). Alexis' health issues have more to do with a poor diet, lack of exercise, and abuse of alcohol and prescription drugs.

Alexis never plans to live with or consummate this marriage. It is strictly so she can benefit from his healthcare, receive a portion of his pension after he dies, and get the $150,000 in life insurance. The guy is buying someone to care about him. Unfortunately, Alexis will probably care more about him dying than living.

Ava texted me yesterday. She said after our discussion, where I told her she should push for what she wants, the arrangement will be her living alone. It wasn't that way before. He wanted to live with her, which would have made it awkward. This doesn't mean she will have a license to sleep with other guys. The fact that monogamy is an integral part of his arrangement is interesting. Ava says it is because he is old-fashioned. I agree, but not for the reasons she gives for his request. Besides, there is no way Ava will be able to comply with that. She is already scheming ways around it. He could use infidelity against her toward the end of the two-year arrangement. After all, I doubt she will be signing any contracts.

Why do I have a problem with either of these arrangements? Because they are not simple business contracts. A simple business contract is, I will pay you $10, and you will provide me with a widget.

Let's start with Alexis. Her contract sounds simple. I will marry you on paper, and in return, you will put me on your health insurance now, and I will receive a portion of your pension when you die. Thinking about it now, it doesn't make sense, and  I think Alex is leaving out some detail. Perhaps because he is morbidly obese, and she doesn't want to admit to anything sexual. Regardless, there will be all these unspoken expectations-- from the guy. We are married. You need to take care of me when I am sick. You need to go to school functions (he is a teacher). Trips? Sex? Medical bills after his death?

Alexis doesn't have any unspoken expectations, and though she knows the arrangement comes with these implicit strings, she will do her best to avoid them.

Ava's situation is similar. The guy is buying his widgets in bulk and will have his own implicit strings. Ava will do her best to control and minimize these because it is not part of her plan or desire. Ava wants financial stability and to secure her future. The best way to do that is not to be controlled by someone else's expectations that she knows going in she cannot agree to. Heck, Ava doesn't even want to conform to the spoken expectation of monogamy. What happens after the two years, and he wants to continue, but she says no?

I don't have a problem with either woman's decision, although I think Alexis' arrangement is morally objectionable. She should be helping the man seek mental health services, not hoping he will die. "Well, someone should benefit from his death" is not a valid argument, in my opinion. I think I will be saying, "See, I told you so," to both. 

 Ava's arrangement with me is different. We are a simple business contract. We could part ways tomorrow, and neither could say they were cheated or that expectations were not met.

My friend Jay keeps telling me plenty of wealthy widows live in his condo complex in Florida. I could go down there and find myself a similar arrangement. The idea doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.

Two Stories

I am going to a wedding this weekend. My friend Alexis is marrying an old friend from high school. It is not a marriage of love. The guy she is marrying is morbidly obese, an alcoholic, and has several health issues. Alexis is marrying him because he has no heirs and has committed to signing her onto his health insurance and pension (he is a teacher and has good coverage).

The marriage will never be consummated. They will never live in the same house. Alexis is securing her future, although I think his life insurance will get wasted by her on booze and online gambling. For his part, the man faces his own mortality and fears dying alone.

The wedding was supposed to be a simple justice of the peace affair. Few were supposed to know about it, but the man has since invited twenty members of his family and friends. Alexis has invited two, Sam and me.

I warned her that this arrangement would come with a price. Alexis doesn't want the marriage to become public knowledge because she fears judgment, but I think the guy will hold it over her head. Alex thinks the guy doesn't have long to live, although he needs to live at least a year for her to get the full benefit. I warned her that the human body can take a lot of abuse and nothing is ever free.

It should be an interesting ceremony.

*     *     *

Ava is still in talks with a wealthy older man. He wants an exclusive relationship with her for two years. The man offered a place to live that would become hers after, a salary, and health insurance. In turn, he asked for an exclusive arrangement. She is not attracted to him. Ava is already looking for loopholes. The fact she went on a four-day trip to Florida with him and slept in separate rooms is telling. Ava and I will not be sleeping in different rooms when we travel to Tennessee.

Ava is already scheming up ways to continue seeing me. I am left to assume I give her something she knows she will lose, and it isn't financial security. The man's offer dwarfs anything I provide. He can take her anywhere, give her anything. Still, she wants to go to Hawaii with me.

Months ago, I deduced something happened to Ava four years ago. Ava lost her virginity at twenty-four. She is twenty-nine now. That relationship changed everything for her. She felt betrayed by him in some way that she would not go into detail, but she said he lost her trust.

I warned her this arrangement would come with an unspoken price and the benefits seem vague at best at this point. I warned if she was going to go into this, she should make sure it was on her terms. "Make a list of what you want and stick to them. You have more power here than you think. I doubt this will be the last opportunity you will get," were the words I left her with. Financial, she thinks it is a lot to give up, but I warned her it sounds like the same situation she is trying to escape, and she will not be happy.

*     *     *

I understand Alexis and Ava's motivations better than ever, but I also know that women are emotional and men are more logical. The two do not mix. The goals they want from the arrangements are not the same as the men's goals, regardless of how it is framed. You cannot buy love, and that is what these men seek. I know because I have been there. This difference in mindset will cause friction.

It has been so hard for me to get over Billie because she did love me for a time. I disagree with what Alexis and Ava are doing, but not because they take what is being offered to them. I don't think it is good for them. They will not learn to take care of themselves or live on their own terms. But, that is just my opinion-- and I think logically.

Drive

 Lately, the drive to and from work seems short. I put on a playlist and find myself wanting to continue driving more than the thirty minutes it takes to get from the condo to work. I like the acoustics and solitude of being on a drive. I am restless and not ready to go home. A road trip is needed.

The cold temperatures continue, but we are devoid of snow. Outside the condo, I see the construction workers struggling to accomplish their jobs, and I idly wonder how Billie is fairing in this weather. I know I would not want to be out in the cold. I'll be glad when this season is over.

Alexis cut my hair Wednesday, and though I did not plan on staying long, we talked till late in the evening. Sam came home at one point and joined in on the conversation. Alexis and I have no filter. We talk about sex lives, social issues, and much that goes on without holding back. Sometimes I need that more than I realize.

The isolation that comes with winter shrouds us more than we know. I would not function well as a complete hermit.