Out Visiting

Yesterday I went to see Firefly at the restaurant where she works. I am proud to say she is doing good. She looks healthy. Firefly is a bit stressed but happy. Her baby is a chubby bundle of joy. I think little Ava has given her something to focus on. I am really happy for her.

We chatted for an hour while I ate and she worked. The restaurant was slow, so we had time to swap a few stories. Firefly is engaged to her boyfriend. They hope to get married in September, but as with all kids their age, money is tight.

Went to see Jay and his wife after. Jay finished the remodel of his basement and is now embarking on a new project.  His 82 year-old mother just bought a condo, and Jay will be working on that.  It keeps him busy. He enjoys remodeling and gets antsy when he doesn't have a project.

My arm is still on the mend. I have mostly stopped using the sling. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to find out the next steps in my recovery. Otherwise, things have been peaceful here. 

Christmas Present and Past

It is the day after Christmas. Twin A spent the night yesterday. This morning, I got out of the house to pick up a few supplies. When I got home, I noticed my phone had stopped working. The clerk at the phone store said it was the screen, but I had wanted a new phone anyway, so I bought a new Galaxy flip for myself. I can afford a Christmas present. It is the only one I received. Not that I was looking for gifts.

I went to have dinner with Alexis and Sam on Christmas eve. Alexis made ham and other accompaniments. I heard from Ava, my kids, and a few friends on Christmas. The only one who didn't reply was Tinkerbell. She was silent. 

I stopped enjoying Christmas about the time I got divorced. Though, it has always stressed me out. The best Christmas I've had lately was when Firefly and I were on the road trip, and we did Christmas in Tucson. I did a brief search through old posts. There were no happy Christmas posts. Even when Billie and I were together, we went to Milford and spent the day with her extended family. I never enjoyed that. I felt like a fish out of water.

Here is a post from a December past.

All I Want For Christmas
Originally Posted Tuesday, December 15, 2009

All I want for Christmas is Miranda Kerr with a bow on her ass. I'd settle for a select few others if there are no more Mirandas on the shelf.

Presents show how well a person knows you or how much a person thinks of you. I hate getting presents. Luckily I get very few anymore, so I needn't worry much. A few years back, I was picking Max up on Christmas Eve. He came out of the ex-wife's house with a present wrapped for me. It was a few of his own toys. The poor kid felt so bad. Luckily now he gets to buy things at Santa Shop at school. What a mother.

I like giving gifts. Tinkerbell was always a fun person to buy for. She liked anything I picked out. The Twins know how to suck the joy right out of Christmas lately. We will see how THAT proceeds. I swear I've raised them wrong. They are greedy little bastards. Honestly, I'll be glad when the holidays are over, and everyone is gone. The shit just stresses me out. Besides, what's the point if Miranda Kerr isn't under the tree?

*     *     *

When the kids were little, I always ensured they had something for their mother for Christmas. I didn't put much effort into it, but I ensured they picked something out. 

Christmas now is time away from work. A chance to do for me and relax. That is where the joy comes from. Maybe I am bitter or just being realistic. Next year, I should plan another getaway.

A Snapshot Of December

 In homage to Sarah H. at Death Wears Diamond Jewelry, who is no longer blogging but is missed.

Listening…  A Charle Brown Christmas

Reading…  I downloaded Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson but have only started to read it.

Watching…  DVDs I watched both seasons of Dark Angel, Jessica Alba at her hottest. I swear the network told the studio to tone her down after the first few episodes and Firefly, Josh Whedon's space cowboy series.

Creating … Things are slow on the creative front.

Hoping… For a speedy recovery and to see Ava come the new year.

Buying… I have managed not to buy anything lately. Just paying for medical expenses.

Loving...  My time away from work. I don't feel the need to check on things.

Planning… NO plans for next year as of yet, but hopefully, soon.

Missing… Ava's booty calls. It has been a while since I have seen her.

Feeling…  Optimistic about my recovery time.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Day Three Through Five

 Day three was uneventful. I watched DVDs and sat around. On day four, I pulled out the PIK line for the pain pump and took a shower. There is little to see. I have four insertion points, one at the armpit, two at the side of the shoulder, and one at the back.

The pain is mostly gone. I have been taking the sling off more and more. I am down to using a half-pain pill when needed. I can raise my arm to a horizontal position. I would say it is going well. I am optimistic about the speed of my recovery.

We have been under a Winter Weather Advisory for forty-eight hours. We only received an inch of snow but have been plagued with high winds and single-digit temperatures. It is an excellent time to stay indoors.

I am typing this two-handed, but still, I need to do most things with my right arm. Shaving, brushing my teeth, and anything that requires strength. 

Max came over yesterday. He brought me a new vape, had something to eat, and watched the first episode of Wednesday.

Alexis is having dinner this evening and has asked me to join them. She is having intermittent trouble with her heat. It sounds like a pilot light issue. It could be the winds. I wouldn't mind getting out of the house. It has been five days. I need to sit down and work on my Lego project. I have been too antsy to do so.

I've managed to get in an average of 8,000 steps a day for the last 4 days by pacing downstairs. I don't want the rest of my body going to seed while I recover. I plan to get back on my bike downstairs next week.

Day Two

 Day two seems like it will be the worst. I may have overdone it. I woke up early. I cannot sleep on my back, yet that is my only option. Feeling and movement came back to my arm and hand. Along with that came the pain. I started taking the hydrocodone along with the pain pump feeding directly into the area. First, one pill, then two.

I built a store-bought Lego to keep myself occupied, and I paced the first floor to get my steps in for the day. I saw the mouse at the trap. He sat there eating away while Max and I watched.

The pain continued to get worse throughout the day. I was napping upstairs when Sienna started meowing at me. I got up and checked the trap. It was still empty, but something else was going on. Does anyone remember when the carriage unit attached to mine had a leaky hot water tank? Water leaked down from their utility room into my laundry room. Well, it happened again.

This time it was water from their washing machine. I was so pissed. I threw a coat over my shoulder and knocked on their door. I looked like a deranged homeless man. This was a new renter. She was reluctant to open the door.

"Your hot water tank is leaking again," I started bluntly.

"I just moved here," she replied.

Honestly, all these overweight middle-aged women look the same to me. I apologized and explained the situation. I asked her if she knew how to shut the water off. She assured me she did. I left unsure and promptly returned. I didn't want forty gallons of water pouring down the ceiling. That is when she informed me she thought it was from the washing machine. The drain pipe was not appropriately secured.

Angry and in pain, I called Max to come help with the ceiling. I was lying in bed at the end of the day. My shoulder was throbbing, and I was feeling helpless. I was on the phone complaining to Sam about my situation when I heard the snap of the mousetrap. Things are starting to look up.

Day One Part II- Mousetrap

While pacing downstairs, waiting for my meal to cook, I spotted the mouse on Tuesday night. It scurried around the corner from the living room into the kitchen. I wasn't sure I had seen it at first. I camped out in the kitchen, and it reappeared from under the dishwasher. I called Sienna. The cat was sleeping on the couch. Sienna finally saw the mouse but failed to catch it. She had a second chance a half hour later and failed again.

I found an old trap in the garage and baited it. I used chocolate pudding left over from my first road trip with Ava. Ideally, I like using peanut butter, but I don't eat the stuff, so I don't have any around. I placed the trap in the small gap between the refrigerator and the wall, fat enough back that Sienna would not trip it.

I checked the trap later in the evening, and the bait was gone. Now I know the mousetrap is in a good spot. I rebaited it with a piece of a chocolate cookie. I smashed it into the center. The trap is old. It might have lost its sensitivity. I will need to ask Max to pick up some more and some peanut butter.

Surgery

 I am typing this one-handed. The surgery went well. Max and I arrived at 5:30 a.m., and we were out by 10:00. There is no pain. The only thing I do not like is that I cannot move my arm or hand. It is from the nerve block. My hand is lifeless. It reminds me of that stripper I met a while ago. I wonder what happened to her.

So far, I am just feeling restless. I have been pacing the condo and searching for things to do with one hand. Sleeping will be hard. I cannot sleep on my back. I think I'd rather be in pain than have a dead arm. We will see.

Random Info

I am certain household-accident will be my cause of death. Yesterday I fell down the stairs. I wasn't in a hurry. My socks slipped on the carpet. No injuries were sustained. This morning I was moving slowly and groggy. As I turned on the shower, I coughed and slammed my head into the corner of the wall. One of these things, or the fact I don't realize I am almost 60, not 30, will be the death of me.

Sienna has been spending an excessive amount of time in the kitchen. She hears noises. I haven't seen any signs of a mouse. It has been years since I have had mice in the condo. Not since the great recession when several adjacent units sat vacant. At least the cat is doing her job.

This morning I am not feeling good. Probably from bumping my head. :). I am working from home and feel like crawling back into bad. I keep telling myself, one more day, and you will be in bed more than you want.

Kat was supposed to come over last night, but she canceled. It is a case of two people needing to be more interested in being with each other. I don't mind that Kat canceled., which enforces my point. We are using each other as backups.

As I have been saying for years, the first artificial womb facility will open next year. We will no longer need women to carry a baby to term. This will reduce marriage rates, create custom babies, and ultimately in some parts of the world, babies designed with specific tasks in mind, like a soldier, construction worker, or scientist. Is this the beginning of the Matrix? If you watch the video, it looks like the beginning of Gattaca 

Party

 I spent the day giving the condo a good cleaning Saturday. I tend to keep the condo clean anyway, but I will be shorthanded come Tuesday and wanted to make sure it will remain clean for the immediate future. 

Saturday night was my company's Christmas party. I was very noncommital about going. I enjoyed it more when Billie and I were together. Is it worth the $250 gift card and $60 waterproof speaker I won? I am being too harsh. Most people do not get a Christmas party and gifts. These are on top of my five-figure bonus.

I tried on my various suit jackets Saturday afternoon and decided one would do, but as I got out of the shower and dressed, I realized it was too large. I looked like David Burns in that Talking Heads video. It was too late to purchase a new jacket, so I put on one of my new overcoats and went to the party without a suit coat. I didn't care.

The Christmas party is held every year at the same country club. It is a forty-five-minute drive for me. The area had light snow showers, but the roads remained clear. My plan was to arrive late and leave early. I didn't achieve either. 

Exceptions

 Sam, Twin A, and I were having dinner at Green Lantern-- pizza. Twin A asked if I had heard from my brothers. I indicated I had not. 

"You don't talk to your brothers?" Sam asked.

"I texted them back on Thanksgiving," I replied. 

Sam indicated she argues with her sisters, but they are still close.

My brothers and I have never been close. I used to describe my family as five people who live under the same roof. My parents were the glue that held us connected. When my parents moved to Indiana, that connection frayed. I would get together occasionally with my older brother when Billie and I were together, but for the most part, I just avoided them.

I haven't seen my brothers since we interred my father's ashes. That was almost two years ago now. There is not a strong bond there. I am trying to understand why. I'd blame it on my parents not nurturing a family bond. My dad was an only child. My mother has a sister, and they were close, but not my brothers and me.

I don't find this strange or desire for it to change. It is the recluse in me. I am willing to let certain relationships go. I am more likely to do that as I get older. My close friends are the exception. 

Wednesday

 Ava came over last night. It was the last time we would see each other this year. Her schedule is continuing to get more unpredictable. Ava indicated she is taking an administrative assistant position after the first. I think she is resigning herself to a more mundane life. Still, she was talking about getting away for a weekend in January. We will see.

Ava told me she has dogs sitting jobs booked over the holidays. She will watch dogs in her boyfriend's home over Christmas and New Year. In addition, she talked about booking two more dogs which would require her to visit a person's house three times a day for an hour. This would mean her boyfriend would be dragged into helping her.

When I indicated her boyfriend might find it less than ideal, she minimalized my claim and ended up changing the subject. I certainly would not want to be watching dogs over my holiday. Limiting my free time and taking away from any time they would spend together. I doubt she shares the proceeds from the jobs, but I am sure she would have a justification for that too.

After Ava left, I stayed up late into the night watching The Queen's Gambit on Netflix. There aren't many programs on right now that I am interested in watching. I have several old series on DVD. I might have to pull one of those out while I recover.

I cannot wait for the week to wind down and for the holidays to be over. I have my company's Christmas party this Saturday. I've debated skipping that. I want to get the brakes looked at on the Gladiator. They have been squeaking, though the truck should not need brakes yet.

I cannot wait for the seclusion of my upcoming vacation/recovery. I am not sure if that is a sign of depression or just me wanting to be alone. Maybe I am missing the point of the holiday season, but it just seems like a time of added stress. It has always felt that way to me.

Brief

The twins stayed the night on Friday. I took them to the store and bought them clothes for Christmas. They needed new things. They are growing out of their clothes, which is not good. They are overweight.

It is going to be a busy work week. Everyone is trying to get things completed before the holiday. I only have the next 5 days to complete all my work for the year. Not everything will get done. Luckily, next year has not been canceled. 

I have finished all my pre-operation appointments and passed with flying colors, although my blood pressure is slightly higher than I'd like. I really need to stop vaping. That is on my list for the end of the year. I will have a sling for six weeks. After the first few, it sounds like it is more of a reminder not to move my arm in the wrong direction or to lift heavy objects. The doctor will screw my bicep muscle back into place and clean up anything else he sees.

The operation is outpatient and should only take about an hour. Although, just like going to the airport, there is over an hour of preparation beforehand. Max will be taking me to the surgery. They think I will be first in line, so it should happen early in the morning, and I can go back home and pass out for the first day.

I plan on writing more during the break. I plan on doing a few things. We will see how it goes.

Booty Call

 Ava texted me last night. I swear, sometimes I think she reads this blog. We arrange for a last-minute booty call. I am okay with those, though her sneaking around only allows a little time. Ava snacked on chips before we headed upstairs to watch an episode of Wednesday on Netflix on the bed. 

I had Ava sit in front of me, and I massaged her back while we watched the show. I've watched each of the episodes at least twice. I like it. Wednesday is full of great one-liners, and the girls who play the main characters are both excellent. Some of the timing in the episodes becomes questionable after a second watch, but not enough to be discouraging. I hope they can make this one continue for a few seasons.

As the episode ended. My hands moved around to cup Ava's firm breasts. She purred to the rhythm of my touch before excusing herself to brush her tooth. Ava returned and joined me beneath the covers. I rolled on top of her and chided her for just wanting a quicky. 

"I'm so glad you have an hour to spare for me." I jokingly reduced the time each time I took a break from exploring her torso to come back and kiss her.

Nothing compares to the comfort of being with someone familiar. I've grown fond of Ava's quirks. She is not the typical woman I meet. She is a peculiar mix of youth and maturity about her that I find appealing. Ava doesn't show any signs of going away. None of the red flags seems to be triggering her boyfriend. She just told me about another apparent incident that occurred. 

Though I should give Kat more time to become comfortable, I am not feeling the urge. I spent time talking with the other woman online whom I found interesting. Kat was the best of the bunch. They don't compare to what I have now. I will probably wait and try again after I start to recover.

Kat

Kat came over for the first time last night. She dressed casually in jeans, a cropped lavender hoodie, and a black bralette. I am still trying to pull Kat out of her shell. Kat seems used to very transactional arrangements. I am looking for something more for her. We will see if that develops.

Kat arrived a bit after 6:30. She wasn't hungry, so we didn't get any food. After a condo tour, we sat at the kitchen table and talked for a while. Kat lives alone. In a studio apartment in the city. Kat is thinking about getting a roommate and moving into a bigger place come March when her lease is up.

She does some type of teaching within the Detroit public schools. Her family lives near me but moved here recently. Kat only spent a summer living in New Baltimore. When I asked her what she did last Friday, she told me she went to see a techno band, then went to an after-hours bar with her friends. 

We headed upstairs, where we continued to talk clothed above the sheets. I started commenting on a few of Kat's tattoos. She has several springled over her body. This broke the ice and proceeded to us removing clothes.

Sex with Kat was-- okay. Definitely not on the level of Ava or the Gymnast. Kat is a tall girl and not thin for her height. She is more challenging to throw around than Ava. Still, she has a decent body. Though, after being with Kat, I have a new appreciation of the effort Ava puts into herself before hopping into bed.

Kat may have too much of the young college-educated pink hair feminist in her for my tastes. The jury is still out on that one.

On the plus side, Sienna got along with her. I don't know what that says about Ava. Ava is the only one that the cat doesn't like. I think it is because Ava is afraid of her.

Weekend

Sunday, Sam goaded me into driving forty-five minutes across town and going to the Twelve Oaks Mall by threatening to get a new "boyfriend." I was reluctant to leave the comfort of the condo and didn't feel like shopping, but I acquiesced.

The mall was not packed, but there was a good flow of people walking about. Nothing like the Christmas crowds of twenty years ago. The store I liked best, Lord & Taylor, closed a few years ago. I can't find a replacement.

I ended up by two overcoats at Macy's. One is black, and the other is a wine color. I couldn't beat the prices. $100 and $130. Sam is a great shopping partner. She has no problem telling me what looks good and what looks terrible. She tends to encourage me to buy, though, which can be expensive.

I also bought a jacket and shirt at Buckle. Those were Sam's idea and a bit of an impulse. I don't go shopping very often, though, so it is okay. Sam didn't end up buying anything. I think she just wanted to get out.

We ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. There was a 1.5-hour wait, but we managed to slide into the bar area within five minutes. Surprisingly, neither of us ended up having cheesecake. I had grilled salmon, but most of the meals on their menu are more calories than one should eat in a day, and THAT is without the cheesecake! I wonder how people can eat out all the time.

I was texting with Firefly last night. She is doing good. Firefly likes being a mom. Her bay is cute. Firefly is one year clean. I told her I was proud if her.

Interview With

I said I wasn't sure if I even wanted to find a new arrangement, but the SA dating site was having a sale, so I ventured out. I have been talking with five women. If only regular dating sites were as lucrative. I'd have fewer potential opportunities in a year on Bubble or Tinder. Does that say about dating on those sites, or does that just say something about me?

Of the five women, the first was young. Instinctively, she was more like Firefly, probably fueling an addiction. I tried arranging a coffee date with her a few times, but things didn't work out, so I gave up on her. Something tells me she will try reaching out again when desperate, but I am not interested.

We already talked about Summer. She was giving me the covert narcissist vibes. She canceled our coffee date and wanted to reschedule, but she has too many negatives. "Well, I'm sorry that I got Covid, and something else came up that I cannot control." If they cannot meet for coffee, how reliable would she be on a regular basis?

Kat is also younger, but she was responsive and made it out for a drink Friday night. Kat has shoulder-length red hair and a pretty face; she is more appealing in person than in her pictures. She is tall. When we were walking out, I noticed she stood almost at my height in her Doc Martin boots which I complimented.

Kat and I met at Fishbones in St. Claire Shores. She lives in the city, so I figured it would be a suitable central location. We met after work. The restaurant was not busy. I arrived first. I told her not to rush because construction was causing me delays in arriving.

Kat wore a red blazer or a black cami over a pair of black pants. The conversation came easily. Kat works in the Detroit public school system. Not an easy job. We came to an agreement, and she wants to continue to see. Like I've said before, I have yet to meet a girl on that site for drinks that wasn't interested in continuing, though I have decided against a few.

Kat is familiar with my area. She used to live here. Her only stipulation was a desire not to hang out in the establishments in my area. All her family still lives here. I understand her concern and have no problem with that. We have plans to get together again on Wednesday.

The fourth women is Tiff. She was responsive too. She and I had plans to meet at Beyond Juice Saturday morning at 10:00. Tiff is local to my area. I thought that would be a bonus. She indicated she was thirty-three, but she also selected the Prefer Not To say option under kids. The only reason I can think of to answer prefer not to say is that you have at least one child. Women with kids cannot be as spontaneous. 

Tiff and I sent texts to each other. I wasn't finding any common like during our conversation, but I was willing to see how we connected in person. I texted her a few times between 9:30 and 10:00 and received no response. Ultimately, I decided not to show up at Beyond Juice and went to breakfast with Twin A instead.

I received a text from Tiff at 3:00 in the afternoon. "Shit, I am so sorry. I totally slept all day."

Perhaps, had she said, I lost my phone or an emergency. I would reconsider, but sleeping in until 3:00 in the afternoon when she made plans she seemed eager for just doesn't fly with me. There was a time when I would have given a second chance, but I have become less tolerant of such behavior. At best, she was tired from working and taking care of her kid/kids all week. At worst, she got the chance and partied late Friday night. I don't find either excuse appealing.

The last woman is Raven. She is thirty and cute in her pictures. She reminds me of Ava; I feel she would be a good travel partner. The only problem with Raven is she lives in Oxford. That is an hour away from me. We may not be able to come to a suitable arrangement, and I am not looking to travel anytime soon with the surgery coming up. We talked about getting together for a drink on Thursday. I am thinking of keeping that date for now.

Change

Yesterday I worked from home. Strong winds buffeted the condo, rattling the sides and causing the building to creak and moan. Temperatures were in the thirties. Thankfully, only brief snowflakes appeared. I remained inside except for a brief foray out to the curb to retrieve the trash can.

It has been over three years since Billie moved out. Three years since I started blogging again. I have accumulated five-hundred posts since then. In some ways, it doesn't seem that long ago. Our break up was a catalyst for change for us both.

Change can be a good thing. It can seem scary, painful, and not always for the better, but often it is what you make of it. Most people avoid change. Some changes are easier for me than others. I don't have a problem switching jobs. Relationships were always harder. Relationships are closer to the bedrock that defined me. I've been working on other things to express myself-- hobbies and interests that would often remain dormant during a relationship.

I feel like I am slowing down, though. Sometimes, I ask if this will be it and wonder if it is enough. Is there still one more reinvention on the horizon, and what would it be? 

I am lazy by nature. I am not sure whether it is my nature or human nature. I do my best work under a deadline. I change when the circumstance calls for it. 

On a separate note, I learned today that not everyone has an internal monologue. That amazes me. I cannot imagine what it would be like not to have an internal monologue all day. 

Eleven more official working days in the year.