The comments I am making on other blogs seem to be a testament to my mood. Self-diagnosing, I'd say seasonal affective disorder has set in. I have not been getting enough sunlight. I decided to up my vitamin D intake, but I don't think it is the same as basking in natural daylight.
I feel locked in stoicism. Silent. Not talking about what is bothering me, unable to clarify my thoughts.
Saturday, Firefly stopped by to pick up a few things she left behind, and it was good to see her. She brought her new boyfriend with her. He is a short, nondescript guy. You wouldn't look twice at him if you saw him on the streets. I see years of struggling ahead for her.
Firefly is currently working two jobs, but she says she is not making much money and wanted her GrubHub bag to start doing that also on the side. Her car is fixed. Her dad paid more money repairing it than it is worth, and it is now a mismatched silver and black. Driving for Gubhub will not extend its life.
"I wouldn't let her drive," I warned the boyfriend.
Saturday night, I got dinner with Sam at the Enginehouse in Mt. Clemens. She asked me if I remember the Motley Crew/ Aerosmith concert we saw many years ago. It was on a cold October night in sleeting rain.
"Yes, I remember," I tell her. "It is a post in my book." I pulled out my phone and flipped to the entry. It is hard to believe that it was sixteen years ago. My post-divorce life is well documented in blog posts. The memories still seem fresh. It distorts my perception of time. My earliest posts date back to May of 2005, seventeen years ago. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that. Yet, so much has changed.
I've been playing a mind game lately, imagining what the world will be like in one hundred years from now. From my viewpoint, it is a dystopian outlook, but it would probably seem like a normal progression to someone born in 2005.
Did you read 1984 when you were going to school? We live in that world. Firefly tried getting me to watch Euphoria on HBO when she was here. I found the reality it portrays disturbing and alien, and I consider myself tuned into the younger generations because I have spent much of the last twenty years involved with them.
Now, I find myself admitting some things I just don't understand. The same way youth cannot understand the way we were raised. It is disheartening. What we learned doesn't work today. It's called old-world thinking.
I have been watching mindless vampire series lately. Seldon do they portray the reality of living forever. You would have to reinvent yourself every twenty years to keep up with change. I find myself struggling just to keep up with it.
I do that thing with the future too: I suspect a new prophet will arrive on the Muslim scene, Christianity will become even more of cult, though much smaller, and a lot of the planet is going to be covered with water. I'm so glad I can swim.
ReplyDeleteI think religion will be replaced by social credit scores.
DeleteHahahahaha that's possible.
DeleteThe only I recall require reading was Animal Farm, Dairy of Anne Frank, and Lottery.
ReplyDeleteBut I been out high school for 44 years. I hope to get chance to read Maus.
Coffee is and stay safe
Yes those were required also, but I suggest 1984.
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ReplyDeleteIf you think about it, Ann Rice was probably the one who described better the reality of a life-span extending through generations: her Vampires end up interacting only with others of the same kind, and still, sometimes re-invent themselves.
ReplyDeleteIn 2005 I was already doing this job, I was 45lbs lighter than now, and I was so broken hearted and desperate that just thinking about that level of pain still cuts my breath..
I think old age needs careful planning, and a lot of luck to be good and enjoyable
I have been broken hearted and desperate, in the last twenty years it was caused mostly be the same girl.
DeleteThings are so different from when I was in my 20's. I'm 51 now and I agree, I still have that old school thinking about a lot of things and even my daughter who is only 30 thinks differently about things than I do.
ReplyDeleteI haven't really thought about the future at all since my husband passed. I think I understand that broken hearted feeling all too much.
I have never felt so separated by my age. It seems we cannot out pace time.
DeleteSoylent Green... probably is in the Future?! I remember that Movie scared the crap out of me even tho' I was Young.
ReplyDeleteIn the book, the food was NOT made of dead people, but I believe older people should have the right to die.
ReplyDeleteI do remember reading 1984. Hell, how does 1999 seem so far back? I think we’re the same age. I’m beginning to understand the pushback my parents gave me about new technology. They just weren’t interested. And now here I am, exhausted at the thought of a new cell phone.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking about getting an new cell phone. It is the prices that exhaust me!
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