Leakage

 Monday night, I was in bed. Firefly was out--scoring drugs. It was about ten o'clock. I started hearing water dripping. My hearing isn't what it used to be, and I have tinnitus, but when I sat up and continued to hear the noise, I knew it wasn't just me. I went downstairs to investigate.

I live in a townhouse condo with two bedrooms and a loft upstairs, and a living room, dining room, kitchen, half-bath, and laundry room on the first floor. In the laundry room, water was dripping down from the light fixture in the center of the ceiling. It was a steady stream. Quickly I placed a bucket underneath it and went back upstairs to check the bathroom in the spare room.  

Firefly uses the bathroom in the spare room to get ready. I figured she had done something to cause the issue, but nothing was amiss in the spare bathroom.  My second assumption was that a pipe burst, but going downstairs and turning off the main valve did not improve the situation.

There is a carriage unit that spans the garages. At this point, I figured it was this neighbor's hot water tank causing the problem.  She usually parks outside. I didn't see her car, and she didn't answer the door.

I went back to my house to write her a note. By the time I returned, she was home, and the neighbor who owners the ranch unit, next to mine and below the carriage unit, was also there. Both neighbors are women in their forties or early fifties. I'm not really sure. I've never really paid attention. 

Neither knew how to shut the water off.  I went upstairs and looked at the water heater. The main shut-off was six inches away from the tank. I closed that valve. I tried extracting myself from the neighbor's condo without being rude, but they wanted to digest and discuss the leak to exhaustion. I edge my way to the exit.

Firefly was home by the time I returned.  I explained the situation. She went upstairs to shower and do the drugs she is not supposed to be doing in the house. The next morning both of the other units had repairmen working. I haven't decided what I will do yet. The laundry room ceiling needs to be repainted. I may replace the drywall first.

Yesterday afternoon, Firefly checked herself into a local rehab a few miles from the condo. It is not a fancy place or one that will allow her to stay longer than two weeks. She has talked about various scenarios for when she gets out. I am just waiting to see.

Second Guessing

This post was supposed to be introspective. When I started it, I was thinking that way.  I left it in drafts for a day and have changed my mind but not the title. I traveled into the office twice last week and twice again this week. It makes the job less fun, but it does help to focus sometimes. I can see coming into the office 2 or 3 days a week.

I finished my taxes this weekend. People around me are getting the vaccine right and left. 

Things are quiet lately, not much to discuss. Firefly is quickly undoing any progress she made. I am ignoring her. I told her I did not want to be involved in her actions. I think the situation will take care of itself, and not in a favorable way for her.

Firefly has been gone the majority of the past four days. In that time, she has gotten a ticket and in a second unrelated incident her mother received a call from the police concerning an incident she was involved in Yesterday.  Firefly declined to elaborate over text what it involved. My guess she was with her old boyfriend. I am going to call him Albino. 

Albino is in trouble for running from the police. He has several drug related offenses. Firefly and the Albino were probably running around selling Xanax and the cops tried pulling them over. Instead of stopping they probably ran. The only other thing I can think is that one of them overdosed and had to be brought back with Narcan. Either way, it doesn't look good for her.

If she makes it through these next few years, she will be in a giant hole. I've seen it before first hand. They don't learn, perhaps they can't at that age.

Billie refused to change. Sometimes I wonder if she has quit. In our last email exchange when I asked about her health, she sidesteped the question.

Return of the Firefly

Firefly lasted two weeks in rehab.  She didn't leave voluntarily. She was kicked out for rule violations. Firefly did not go into details. I have found those usually come out over time. The last infraction had something to do with not wearing a mask.

Things tend to spiral when she gets into trouble.  Firefly has a mouth on her at times. She wanted to stay. She felt she was making progress. I feel she is still too immature to take it seriously. I think it is a defense mechanism. 

They packed her up immediately and sent her to the airport. She wanted to find another rehab. She was not ready to come home, but after a failed attempt to fly directly to a rehab in New Jersey and the usual flight delays that occur with her, she wound up here Friday afternoon.  

I picked her up and took her straight to her doctor so she could continue her Suboxone. She spent the next three days in bed. She complained of not feeling well. It could have been from the Suboxone or withdrawing from the antidepressant medication they had her on in the facility. I'm not sure.

At home in bed is better than roaming the city. Today she ventured out.  She is meeting up with people I would not recommend.  Firefly has to make her own choices, I don't have faith she will make the right ones, but only time will tell.

Updates- and More Updates

 Tinkerbell called my Saturday, "Hey, I am in your area," she tells me.

T-Rex, her son, who is fourteen years old now, is on a date. Though they live across town now.  He is still dating a girl from his previous school.  Tinkerbell dropped him off at a trampoline center and is bored. We talked for a few minutes.  Tinkerbell is tired of her current company and has two interviews next week.  I think it is a smart move for her.  There are many jobs out there in her price range, and too few people willing to work.

She calls back an hour later.  T-Rex and his date have moved to an arcade inside of a bowling alley. Tinkerbell wanted to know if I wanted to stalk her the condo she sold to see what the new owners are doing.

I agree, and twenty minutes later, she pulls up in front of my condo in her black Kia.  I jump into the passenger seat.  "I didn't bring my wallet. Do I need anything?" I ask.

We drove around her old complex, but there was not much to see. So we parked outside the bowling alley. It has been months since I have seen Tinkerbell in person. I show her Max's TikTok account and pictures from the road trip that she has not seen already. 

After a while, we go into the bowling alley to check on the kids. The lanes have leagues going on, and the bowling alley is packed. They are not following any of the state-mandated capacity laws. More than half the people on the lanes are not wearing masks. It is not the type of crowd I would breach the subject. I was getting stares because I was wearing a bright blue disposable surgical mask. A large portion of my community belongs to the vocal right, and apparently, they like to bowl.

Despite having spent a good portion of the day together, the kids and parents decide they could go back to the date's house till later in the evening.  The mother offered Tinkerbell the opportunity to come to her house also, but Tink declined. Tink described the mother as desperate to make friends, and Tinkerbell had been ditching her all afternoon. 

I enjoyed what little time we got to spend together. Our sense of humor plays off each other. I hope we can get together more now that the weather is getting warmer.

Saturday night, Max invited himself, his girlfriend, and a coworker over to play more War Hammer 40k on my lego table upstairs in the spare bedroom.  They brought along alcohol and proceeded to drink and play a game.  I watched for a while but got bored and went to bed. 

Firefly returned home Friday. That is another story for a different blog post. I don't even want to go into it now I do not have the time to write it up properly. 

I get my first dose of the vaccine on March 31st. They have been pushing us to return to the office more, but they cannot officially TELL us to come back to work due to the state mandates.  It has left everyone doing different things. I have been busy lately with work and projects at home, but I hope those will be simmering down now, and I will get back to more regular posting.

The Phone Call

Don't wanna discuss it.

Think it's time for a change
You may get disgusted.
Start thinkin' that I'm strange.

In that case, I'll go underground.
Get some heavy rest
Never have to worry
About what is worst or what is best
(Get it)

I spoke with the woman from Bumble last night. She is the mother of adult twin boys, so we had something in common. Her last job was as a medical lab technician. She quit just before the pandemic exploded last year. She is still unemployed. I find it hard to believe someone with that experience would have difficulty finding a job right now if they wanted it.

She is fifty and says she is looking for her soulmate. She got pregnant at eighteen and divorced by twenty-two.  She didn't expound on the twenty-eight years between then and now.  I found it hard to get a word into the conversation. She said she thinks she is the prize and that men should make an effort to date her. She felt that ninety percent of men were not eligible because they didn't meet her requirements. I didn't argue.

I wanted to ask what she brings to a relationship that makes her a prize?  That ten percent she was weeding through is probably not looking for her. I wish her luck, but I think she will be disappointed. I made an effort, I text her this morning, offering to meet for a drink, but she already ghosted me.

There's no need for argument
There's no argument at all.
And if you never hear from him,
That just means he didn't call.
Or vice versa
That depends on where ever you're at
(All right)
And if you never hear from me,
That just means I would rather not...Domino, Van Morrison

Painted Into A Corner

 I've started a conversation with another woman on Bumble.  Two in one month that has got to be a record. Her messages are business-like in tone. She wants to talk over the phone tonight. She claims it is the only way she can get a feel for a person. I feel like the only way you can get a feel for someone is in person, but I agreed to a call.

This was when I realized I painted myself into a corner by publishing my book. A google search of my name will bring up my book on Amazon. Anyone with any internet capability can link that back to this blog.  I have given up being anonymous. I considered the consequences. I just don't care. This is who I am.

The odds of this conversation leading anywhere are slim. I don't think I will be giving out my name over the phone tonight, but it will come up eventually if this leads to a date. Anyone who decides to date me would have to deal with the possibility of their friends reading the book and passing judgment.

I say I have painted myself in a corner because I feel like it takes a certain type of woman to be okay with all this-- the type of woman that usually attracts me.  That makes for a comfortable corner. 

I am getting lazy. I first thought it was because Firefly was about, but she is gone, and I still don't feel like exercising. It could be the blues setting in before spring. I am not sure. I don't feel depressed, but I am comfortable being unmotivated and just sitting indoors--too comfortable.

War Hammer Play

 I received a text late Friday night. It was Max, stating he would be coming over tomorrow. I assumed he would be making more footage for his TicTok account in the basement.  When he arrived Saturday afternoon, I built a new lego on the coffee table in the living room--the new Medieval Blacksmith set.

Max carriers in a load of self-painted War Hammer figurines. He is getting good at painting them. This is not one of his, but it gives you an idea of the detail. Most are only 1" to 3" in height (25mm to 75mm).  He posts images of his figures on his TikTok along with his cosplay videos.  The link takes you to his account.

He divides the figures into two different fractions, starts setting them up on the coffee table, and declares we will play the game. He is determined to suck me into the game. I agree to learn and slide the lego under the table. I am not a fan of the game, but it gives us something to bond over.  Max seems to enjoy painting the figures more than playing the actual game.  I like to think he gets his creative drive from me. His hobbies show my direct influence. His mother has none. I tell him he should paint and sell the figurines online. Many people don't have the time or skill to do it.

I will not be getting and painting my own figures.  I already have enough hobbies. He seems to have enough for two teams. His collection is increasing quickly. Max throws himself into hobbies, but his interest in them is short-lived.

The rules are similar to the old Dungeons and Dragons games I played as a boy. After some debate over the rules, Max wins with one figure remaining. I think I will call him over again this weekend for a rematch.  Once things open up, there is a gaming center in Rochester that hosts games.  It will be interesting to watch him compete against others.

Last Day

 The day before Firefly left for rehab, she sat in bed making phone calls and sending text messages.  I sat down next to her. "I have to go into the office tomorrow," I tell her. "Can your mom take you to the airport?"

"My mom and dad are going to take me."

Firefly is feeling down. She is hard on herself. Firefly lost several friends to drugs and doesn't feel she should be the one to have survived. She asks me to stay with her for a few minutes, so I join her under the covers, holding her close. Firefly rolls on top of me, resting her head in the crook of my shoulder. Raising her shirt, I rub her back, tracing the line of her spine and shoulder blades before allowing my finger to roam down to her butt and back.

I raise her face, and we kiss. Things progress. Firefly rolls onto her back, and now I am on top of her.  We continue to kiss then quickly remove our clothes. She likes it hard and fast. It is not easy for me to hold back climaxing. Firefly rolls over and gets on her elbows and knees.  Her round butt is raised. It is a beautiful sight. I enter her and quicken the pace until I cum.

"This isn't how it is supposed to be," I tell her after.  "Being here is not helping you."

"What?  I initiated sex," she says. "It isn't that often I'm horny.  You should be happy." I think we both had the same thing in mind, but I don't argue.

I get up and go to the bathroom to clean up. "This is supposed to be easy," I continue. "It doesn't feel right." I am not helping her. She is not getting better. Things are not supposed to be one-sided. The next day she leaves.

So far, she does not seem to be in a hurry to return. She likes the facility and seems to be trying from what I can glean from our short conversations. We will see how it unfolds.

Another Departure

So you showed me around your town
To hell again and back

Firefly went back to rehab yesterday, and it was a grueling process. The facility is outside of Las Vegas. It was not her first choice of location. I had to go into the office yesterday. She packed most items the night before, but getting out the door, was left to her. Her parents drove Firefly to the airport. As evident from the toothbrush she left behind, her focus was on doing enough dope to not get sick during the journey and not packing all the details.

This was not planned far in advance like last time. There was a critical need to get somewhere. Firefly's drug use spiraled when I kicked her out. Not that she was clean before it happened.

She keeps her fragile self-worth propped up with boys' attention. Bouncing back and for to between guys who have little going for them. I try to tell her, but my words go unheeded. It is a vicious cycle. 

She smokes crack to feel happy--a short-lived fix. She does opiates to escape. She gets hard on herself for being unable to quit, which intern increases the drug use. Add into it the boys, 

But what you don't know
Is you're too young and eager to love
Seething eyes
So you're about to get into
The ditch that you opened up

The boys do not help. She avoids the one trying to get clean because she is not. So she goes back to the one who is supposed to be the love of her life.  He is not clean. He has not been clean in the year I have known Firefly, and he drags her down into his issue. I am afraid this will happen again when she returns. 

Firefly says it won't be anytime soon--not this time. She is depressed, suicidal and needs to be with professionals. Let's hope she continues to see that while she is there.

No doubt you think you braided your own hair

so you are all grown up

Should you want to cross the line

Which way do you want to fly

Pretend that love could help you find your own way

But you got me wrong...October, Broken Bells

I am looking forward to the peace and quiet, getting back to my routines, and preparing for spring. Don't get me wrong, I like having Firefly around, but being here was not helping. My goal is for things to get boring here.  We will see how long that lasts.

The Everling

 I started a fantasy novel when I was in my early twenties. It was a tale of an order of wizards, an abandoned half-elven prince, and a merchant's daughter. The main male role was a caricature of myself (don't judge; I was young). The female lead was named closely after my ex-wife, whom I was dating at the time. The second female lead shares the same name as Billie, who was not even born yet--a strange coincidence.

I only have a printed copy.  The electronic versions have been lost. It is not a terrible story. It takes place in a rich land that I knew well at one time, but I have lost many details. I started reading it yesterday. Do all authors find their own work easy to enjoy?  There are twelve chapters, but the ending is not included. I am starting to input it into the computer.

The Band-Aid

I am feeling nostalgic today. I dug into my archive and pulled out this story. It relates to a conversation between Mari, one of my favorite bloggers from the past, and myself.  The story is an allegory describing Mari's issue at the time. She wanted to break up with her boyfriend but wasn't sure how. 

The Band-Aid
Originally Posted, Thursday, March 30, 2006

"Should I tell you a story?" I ask.

"Oh, I love stories! " She replies.

So I make up an impromptu tale:

There was once a pretty little girl. One day the girl went out to play in her sandbox. The little girl tripped while playing and cut her knee. She ran inside, and her mother put a nice new X-men band-aid on the wound. The band-aid was cute and made the wound feel better, and soon the wound was forgotten.

The next day her mother came to the little girl and said, "It is time to take off your band-aid, dear. The wound must breathe so it can heal. Do you want me to pull it off slowly or yank it off quick?"

"What is the difference?" The girl asked.

"Well, if I pull it slowly, it will seem like you are in control, but the pain will be greater and your anguish longer. If I pull it off quickly, the pain will be gone before you have time to feel it, and you can go out to play."

"So," I ask her when I am done. "Which way will the pretty little girl choose?"

"Tell me more about those X-Men band-aids...."

Sometimes we avoid things that are hard to do. Sometimes like the band-aid, the anguish and the pain are made worse by the fear and the slow approach we take.

The Reality

 The guy says exactly what I would if I was articulate. I listen to his YouTube channel daily, Better Bachelor. I know it doesn't resonate with much of my audience, but I think Joker is spot on.  He is not misogynistic, but he does speak about topics from a man's perspective.

This is the world I work within. This is the reality. I grow up in a blue bill environment and try to balance it with the red pill world.