Friday, October 15, 2021

90 Days

Dreams often bring clarity. It dawned on me during my restless morning tumbling. That Firefly associates me with her trauma. This is what I felt. This is what was off between us when she was released. Consciously or, perhaps subconsciously she was uncomfortable around me. She was struggling with that.  She wants the benefits, but not the perceived negatives. I guess, I did too. In the end, neither of us is getting what we wanted. Firefly packed up and is gone. She is going to a 3/4 house. On the positive side, she says she is 90 days clean.





Thursday, October 14, 2021

Reality Blows

 It is not going well. I got those vibes from the beginning.  Firefly hit the ground running as soon as she was released.  I am not saying she started using yet, but she quickly decided she was going to do what she wanted to do.

My problem is I am a guy, and I look at things logically. She is a female and is twisted up on emotions in overdrive. Logically, I think she would want to ensure a safe and secure home environment to allow her to meet her goals bur she is not present. I see few personal changes. There is a lot of impulsive choices and questionable decision. 

I don't know how to help her.  It has only been two day, but I think staying here under the current conditions will not work for either of us. I questioned why she even wanted to come back here last night. I said, I think a 3/4 house would be better for her. She has too much freedom here.

I was up front with my expectations. Firefly doesn't seem to know what she wants. Regardless, it seems she is unwilling to do what and I don't see a reason for her to complicate my life.  It would be nice to have her around. I don't like being alone all the time, but I am not looking for a platonic roommate with constant needs and drama.

This was foreshadowed. This is something I have already learned. You cannot bargain for a woman's desire. Events that happened recently in Tommy's life  , gave me a sinking feeling because I knew things were probably going to go the same way with Firefly.  

I tend to hold on to long when diminishing returns. I don't like facing reality. Reality blows. I am not just talking about Firefly. I am talking about getting older, finding companionship, and purpose.

As the telling signs of age rain down
A single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face
That this world has forgotten

There is no reconciliation
That will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present
To drink these draining seconds

But seldom do these words ring true
When I'm constantly failing you
Walls that we just can't break through
Until we disappear...Savior, Rise Against

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Late Weekend Story

Last weekend, Tink, Tech, T-Rex, T-Rex's girlfriend, and I went to Stoney Creek metro park for a hike.  It was a lovely day, but it was really damp.  The mosquitos were out in droves.  They jumped you whenever you stood still. We let the kids head out ahead of the adults. Inside the trees, a wedding party set up a group of white folding chairs with the trail running down the center aisle just off the parking lot. 

It was an odd sight. We think the party would move the chairs deeper inside the trails where there is an old house that is often used for weddings. What made no sense is why they bothered neatly lining the chairs in the middle of the trail as if the marriage were taking place right there where hikers walked by.

We made jokes as we came upon the scene. "Someone getting married?  Give me 5 minutes with him. I'll change his mind," I said.  Then I added, "Never thought I'd be walking down the aisle again," as I walked through the neat row of chairs.

We did not stay on the trails long.  Tech was getting eaten alive by the mosquitos.  I received a few bites, but nothing compared to him.

After we took the kids to Spirit Halloween so T-Rex could look for a costume. We looked through the costumes. I told Tech, "I used to like seeing the girls wearing sexy costumes like these, but there is not a girl in this store I would want to see in any of them."

We ended the day at Olive Garden. We waited outside while a party of 10 kids in fancy attire waited in the vestibule.  They looked like middle school kids, but Tink assured me they were in high school and were going to homecoming. 

I was astounded by the calorie count on some of the meals.  "1850?  Add breadsticks and soup, and that is more than you should eat in a day!"

Tink scolded Tech and me for ruining Olive Garden with such talk. I enjoyed the food but didn't finish my meal. 


Graduate

Can I Graduate,
Can I look into the faces that I meet,
Can I get my punk-ass off the street,
I've been living on for so long,..Graduate, Third Eye Blind

Like so many roads in the area, the road the rehab is on is under construction. Traffic can only travels in one direction, which adds ten minutes to my trip. I rolled into the rehab parking lot at 7:45 a.m. I head inside and upstairs to the women's unit.  I ring the bell and wait for several minutes before staff opens the door, and Firefly appears.

She is wearing a mustard-yellow paisley halter top, black leggings, and a black leather jacket. Firefly has put on weight. She looks healthy, but I think she feels self-conscious about the added pounds.  She probably has not been this heavy before. Firefly seemed subdued. She has only been away from the rehab once in three months. which was to go to court.

The day started out dark and overcast.  Intermittent raindrops trickled down, threatening to unleash a complete downpour at any second.

After packing a considerable amount of belongings into the truck, I slide into the passenger seat. Firefly gets behind the wheel.  It takes her a few minutes to get comfortable with the controls because the Gladiator is not an easy vehicle to drive. The steering is sensitive, and the truck tends to wander. I direct her to the restaurant of her choice, an IHOP (International House of Pancakes), but it is not open.  It has fallen victim to the times. I find a different restaurant nearby.  This one is just a HOP. I get a scrabbled egg skillet, and Firefly gets her pancakes with Nutella and banana.

We discuss her stay and her plans over the meal.  She has some money on her bridge card (government assistance). The rehab makes them sign up for those when they enter.  The facility takes a portion of the resident's food allowance. I am not sure how long she will get to keep the assistance now that she lives with me. My income exceeds the limit. 

"You've had your fun," I tell her when we leave the restaurant, and I gently point her to the passenger side of the truck. I take over the driving and drop her off at her parent's house. She needs to sort through clothes and pick up her car. Both parents are outside when we arrive. Firefly jumps out and starts talking to her mother.  Firefly's father comes around to the passenger side and thanks me for all my help.


Monday, October 11, 2021

Advent

Sunday night, at 2:00 in the morning, I had a weak moment and bought the Lego Harry Potter Advent Calendar off Amazon.  About ten minutes before 6:00 a.m., it was delivered to my front door.  That is creepy crazy.

Usually, I would order it off the official Lego site because I have a $10 coupon and the advent calendar is overpriced. Still, with the holiday season coming up, there will be some good bonus content coming from Lego, and I will be buying something else before the year is out.

 


Friday, October 8, 2021

Seattle Rains And Miscellaneous Updates

Michigan feels a lot like Seattle lately.  It rains constantly. While I don't mind drifting off to sleep to the occasional thunderstorm, or the gentle patter of droplets hitting the balcony, enough is enough.

I did think this wet weather would translate into heavy snowfalls in the winter. I think it has to do with the warmth of the lakes, but I'm no meteorologist.

We are supposed to have warm temperatures next week with several chances of more rain. Firefly gets out on Tuesday.

"You better be outside at 7:45 and in the passenger seat," she has told me. More than once. She wants to drive. She plans her first stop to be IHOP for some birthday cake hotcakes. 

I have been watching my diet closely in preparation for her release. I have a feeling the first few days she is out will entail a lot of food. I am currently a pound above my ideal weight (158 lbs). I use the two weight machines we have in the gym. I think I am looking pretty good.

They informed us that raises are coming out next week. I am getting a 5% raise. That is the highest amount they are handing to anyone. Although because they go by percentage to will not be the highest amount.  Still, I am happy with the amount. I am interested in what the bonus will look like at the end of the year.

Thursday, October 7, 2021

Dinner And...

I texted Popstar last night and asked her out.  I didn’t get a response. That is probably NOT a good sign, but I throw it out there. Tinkerbell thinks I should not have asked her out over text. 

Tink: “You can’t ask a lady out through text, Bathwater. She’s not a callgirl.”

Isn’t that what these kids do now?  I don’t see Popstar very often during the day. When I do, it is usually in the company of other co-workers. I don’t think co-workers need to know our business. Besides, that is the way I would ask someone if I was using a dating app.

I am taking most of next week off to help Firefly get adjusted to the outside. She gets out Tuesday. She has been making plans and is excited to be getting out. I hope she does well.