The Waiting

It's safe to say I've become invested in Violet (but you probably already knew that). I care about what happens to her, but I also like her. I think she likes me too.

I want her to establish herself and become independent, but the car ride back did feel empty without her there.

I'm walking a fine line. If she decides to come back, I want it to be her choice. I'd like her to be a part of my life, while at the same time, I want her to reach a point where she has absolutely no need to.

It sounds selfless, but being selfless can feel a bit lonely at the moment.

If she stopped needing my help tomorrow, would there still be something between us that both of us wanted?

I think there is. I think she does too.

I'm not sure how much of that is just the adrenaline of the moment, but I'd like to find out.

Like Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part."

One thing is for sure: my blog gets more interesting when a woman is involved.

Road Trip, Indiana Style

 Our drive was mostly uneventful, except for the one detour between Columbus and Cincinnati, where I took a wrong turn into oncoming traffic. We survived. 

The dogs, a pit bull and a boxer, settled into the back. The boxer occasionally whined, but neither bit my arm off.

We didn't play any music during the six-hour ride. We just talked—about our pasts, about her ex, about gender politics.

When we got closer to her hometown in southern Indiana, we stopped at a Walmart so she could pick up dog food and a few items for herself. We interacted naturally together—making jokes and observations about the differences between Walmarts.

She mentioned the angels in my tattoo sleeve. She said it was one of the first things she noticed. 

"Maybe god or whoever brings people into your life when you need them," she said.

"Well, if I disappear on you, that just means I am on to my next assignment."

"You better not disappear on me."

As we exited the store, I said. "Now you can't say, I never took you anywhere." 

She just laughed.

She unloaded her merger belonging, the dogs, and a couple of grocery bags. We exchanged hugs, and then I was back on the road.

The car felt noticeably quieter without her.

I turned on my music and sang along during the drive. I made good time until I ran into a heavy downpour outside of Toledo. Cars slowed or pulled over.

We exchanged a few texts during the drive. The vibe was different now that we could text freely.

Me: I just crossed into Michigan.

Violet: Glad you made it back to the American border.

I laughed. Violet feels Ohio and Indiana are too strict and un-American.

Me: You are so funny.

Violet: I mean, I think so. That's all that matters. And you made me listen to 35,000 dry jokes today. I think I earned one.

I told her that made me laugh even harder.

Violet: Ha, so I am funny. All this time I thought it was my charm and good looks.

Me: It is a little bit of both.

Violet: So you are pretty much saying I'm the full package.

Me: You are the full package that comes with a lot of complications.

Violet: Every good commitment comes with terms and conditions.

Me: I'm going to have to start learning to read the fine print.

Violet: Like that would be something you'd pass up on anyway. #1 master LEGO builder partner here.

The boyfriend ended up having his grandfather bond him out on Saturday. He was back in Indiana by Sunday evening. He picked up the dogs from Violet's mother. Violet was not around.

She wants to return to Michigan. She wants to continue hanging out with me. What that all means is still up in the air. I am letting her decide. I told her she is welcome to come back and stay with me. 

An Unexpected Afternoon

It was 2:00 p.m. Friday afternoon. I was at work finishing a second draft of my latest story when I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I almost didn't pick it up, but it was during work hours.

It was Violet. She was crying.

She and her boyfriend had rented a room in Farmington Hills, closer to the club, so she could work the weekend. He didn't want to drive all the miles (of course). They got into a shouting fight. She threw a cup of water at him. He ended up punching her in the back of the head.

Violet left the room and started walking. He followed her. He blocked her with his car and tried to get her inside when employees at a muffler shop intervened. They told him to leave the premises and took her inside.

That's when she called me. She was worried about her dogs, which were still in the room. I convinced her she needed to call the cops. He left the muffler shop, but he was watching from the balcony of the motel, which was just adjacent.

I told her that when the cops arrived, I would pick her up. He took off before they arrived. I got Violet. The people at the muffler shop were very kind and really helped her.

The cops arrived, and I picked her up.

He came back, but the cops didn't leave. They had just pulled around behind the muffler shop. They arrested him. They called us, got the room key from him, and we were able to pick up the dogs.

Between Violet's statement and the statements from the people at the muffler shop, the police had plenty to work with. He'll be spending at least the weekend in jail. He may have to spend longer, as this will violate his probation.

Violet and the dogs are spending the night here. In the morning, I am taking her back to her mom's in Indiana. It isn't ideal, but that is what she wants to do. I told her she could stay here, but I couldn't house her and the dogs.

She didn't want to go back to his place to get any of her things. She just wants to leave. Her main concern, right or wrong, is her dogs, which I understand.

So tomorrow will be a six-hour road trip, with another six hours back. I don't plan on staying overnight somewhere.

I call it an unexpected afternoon, but was it really? I think we all saw this coming. 

A Win is a Win

 I have to keep reminding myself that a win is a win. A year ago, I would have been happy if any of my writing had been accepted for publication. Now, I have five publications, and I'm getting jaded. I still want an agent to take the memoir seriously.

I still have other short essays that haven't found a home yet, either. Honestly, I am not submitting as much as I should. It goes in waves. Currently, I am working on revisions to my query letter and synopsis for the memoir. I've been working with my instructor from the workshop. After that, I will start another round of queries and see if anything improves. My mentor says summer is not the time to query anyway.

I'm not sure where this is going.

I continue to hear from Violet occasionally. No movement there. She is still trying to move forward with her plan. It's not going well. He seems to be keeping her from making money. I get it. It's hard to get ahead these days when you are starting from nothing. Hopefully, she'll figure it out.

 

Notice

 I have been traveling for work this week. Many hours of driving. I hate driving lately. Yesterday I spent six hours in the car. Today I spent two hours. It makes for a long day. I can't get my work done.

On the bright side. I woke today to my story, The Eiffel Tower is in Cincinnati, getting accepted for publication in The Write Launch. I'm not sure how to feel about this one. On the one hand, the story is too long for literary magazines. At just over 12,000 words, it's too long for most. The Write Launch accepted it despite the length being over their usual limit. On the other hand, I wonder if I should have held out for a better spot.

Regardless, I will be publishing a link to the story on September 15. I think it is a good story. So I am glad people will be able to read it.

Summer Haze

Sunday, Max and I went to New Baltimore for lunch. I watched the young girls eyeing Max. He probably doesn't even notice. The kid would be dangerous if he developed his conversation skills. I get my share of looks from the geriatric crowd, but the young, cute ones get all nervous around Max's blue eyes. 

Max is working as a carpentry apprentice-- yes, another new job. Although the smoke has forced him to stay home for a few days. There will be more of that coming next week as well. It will be another night of keeping the air conditioner on and the windows closed, even though the temperatures we are having (lows in the high 50s) would usually allow me to turn off the air and open the windows for the night.

Just another glorious summer.

Quitting, again.

I have eight spent Breeze vapes lined up on my desk. Occasionally, you can still get a hit off one, but that will come to an end by tomorrow. I have vowed not to buy any more— again. 

Mine are all Yellow, Lemon Mint. I'm debating whether I will replace the nicotine with ZYNs for a few days.  They are a nicotine pouch that you place in your lip. I don't really like them, though. Max uses them.

The problem is, I like vaping. I guess that is what every smoker says. I can feel the effect it is having on my lungs, though. If there is one way I don't want to die, it is suffocating. Not being able to breathe is triggering for me. Ironic, I know. 

I've managed to weave vaping into every aspect of my life over the past few years, driving, writing, and at work. The fidget spinner is just not a replacement.  

I'm already picturing the added weight struggle that this is going to bring with it. I haven't lost all the weight I gained over the winter. I'm going to need some serious focus. I quit vaping over Christmas. I was three months into it when I decided to start again. I really wish I could do it occasionally, but that is not how I am wired anymore.