Thursday, July 30, 2020

Nothing to Report

It is hard to write off an entire year when you have a decreasingly few good years left and I feel like we will be writing off more than one year.

I've started this post a few times.  At first it was going to be a recap of my weekend.  Friday, Bunny and I went kayaking.  Saturday, I went biking with Tinkerbell and her boyfriend.  We rode thirty-one miles over the course of the day.  Sunday, I did yoga in the park, than got a massage in the afternoon.  

Firefly came over Sunday night.  She is treading water, but refusing to surrender to the process. I offer what advice I can but if she doesn't make some changes she will end up in jail again.  She reminds me very much of Billy.  

I have become reclusive.  Mostly because of the virus but sometimes I wonder.  It is hard to come to terms with the fact that I will probably not have another long term relationship.  Much of my life has revolved around a relationship, finding one or searching for one.  It is what I learned growing up.  The goal to life.  You work hard.  You get married and you have kids.  It turns out, that was the worst mistake I made.  

I have no idea what direction to go next.  For twenty-five years I collected Legos thinking one day to build great things.  Lately they sit unused.  My current project is writing the memoir.  It seems more of a cautionary tale than anything. 

 

Friday, July 24, 2020

Height Of Summer

The height of summer has left many of us posting less.  I have no interesting stories to share.  I have been working, excising and sleeping.  Probably too much of the sleeping.  I saw Firefly Wednesday, she was not looking well.  She won't admit it, but my experience tells me she is not clean.  She claims to be out of her program because her boyfriend of convenience OD and was in the hospital.  That part I believe, whether she was with him or not is the question.

I like Firefly but my experience with Billie tells me she does not have much of a chance.  Billie is alive today because I took a large personal and financial interest in keeping her that way.  Firefly has no one doing that for her. 

I still feel like the Physic has Firefly and Billie confused.  They are a lot alike.  I have not heard from Billie in some time.  I don't think I will unless I initiate it.   I don't have any desire to reach out to Billie, what would be the point?  I miss what we had, but that is gone.  I hope she is doing well.

Today I am going kayaking with Bunny.  I am thinking about bringing the bikes too if she is up for it.  I need to get back on my memoir.  I am stuck in rewrites of chapter 8 and 9.  I think I am just going onto chapter 10.  I will be editing everything from the beginning again anyway.  I would like to have the final chapters completed.  I figure it will stretch to 12 or 13 in all.  With chapter 11 being constructed from memories and photos instead of blog posts. I am looking forward to that.

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Over Think

Bunny:  Just bring my yoga mat correct?

Bathwater: Yes, but it looks like the rain is going to come soon.  I was just going to text you and suggest doing it here.

Bunny: I am still going to drive up to the park.  If it is not going on I will come over.

Sunday Bunny and I planned on going to yoga in the local park.  I went the prior two weeks.  The rain canceled our original plans.

Bunny came into to the condo from the garage.  It has become the unofficial guest entrance.  "It started pouring as I pulled up," Bunny tells me.  "I felt sorry for all the people packing up and running back to their cars."

She is wearing spandex shorts and a loose tee over a sports bra.  I regard her figure, but try not to be obvious.  Bunny is a tall woman, 5' 8".  She has full breast but not over weight.  She is a pretty girl, but I feet more of a physical connection with the Gymnast or Firefly. I cannot explain why.  Partly it is that Bunny is more Bohemian than most girls that attract me.  She doesn't shave her armpits or wear deodorant, and only trims her pubic hair.  I have dated stripper types for the last fifteen years, they don't have an inch of hair on them.

We set up our mats in the basement in front of the big screen TV.  We do an hour of yoga by following along to a YouTube video.  Parts of the video are challenging for me.  I am not in the shape I was in before the virus outbreak.

After yoga, we go out to a local restaurant for lunch. The place is not crowded, but we both feel a lack of comfort being in public.  The staff wears masks, but the customers, including us are without while we are seated eating.  Bunny orders a salad with chicken and I get eggs with sausages.

Bunny tells me she still wants to go kayaking with me.  We make plans for this Friday. Bunny and I don't have any type of arrangement.  I've told her, I cannot provide that for her.  It is a polite way of saying I am not physically attracted to her.  I paid for breakfast and would pay for us to kayak, but I do not provide anything else besides my company. 

I find it odd.  Maybe I shouldn't. Most of my friends are female. None of the others are so young, but age has never been a boundary.  I don't find it odd because of a lack of conversation.  I know Bunny is looking for an arrangement but she doesn't push the issue.  I fact we have not discussed it further.

I find myself in unfamiliar waters.  If Bunny wanted to date.  I probably would... casually.  I always question peoples motives.  It is easier to understand being needed than being wanted.  I am probably overthink things.  I do that too.

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Writing

Outside the temperatures hover in the high 80's to low 90's lately.  That is okay with me.  I have not been going outside much.  Sunday I forced myself to go to yoga in the park.  It was hot.  As much as I need to stretch and do yoga, I do not enjoy it outside in the park.  Outside is the only way available to me right now other than doing it downstairs like the rest of my workouts.

Though she expressed interest, Bunny did not make it to yoga in the park.  I am not surprised by this.  She is not an earlier riser.  Yoga starts at 11:00 a.m.  No, that is not really early. 

I have not been able to find anyone else on the dating sites.  There is a drought of needy women. The government is giving away money and the younger generation seems to be inherently lazy.  Overall, I am okay with this.  As my ability to pull in quality sexual partners demises, so does my desire to date.

I have not been writing much here.  I don't feel like the mundane makes for a good story.  I have been working hard on my memoir.  I am deep into Chapter 9. Per Jules suggestion, I have been revising the earlier chapters with more content that fleshes out more of my life

Posting it on Wattpad was a way to keep me motivated at first, but the book is evolving from what was originally published.  I am happy with the results. My progress is giving me more motivation.  Work is slow and it affords me time for this passion project of mine, but working from home forces me to sit behind the computer for 8 hours a day.  I am still determined to have a complete draft ready for edit before the end of the year.

Monday, July 13, 2020

Best Of: An Odd Pair

I am bogged down in Chapter 9 of my memoir.  There is not much exciting happening here at the moment.  I decided to share this post from the past that is going into Chapter 9.


Originally Posted Monday July 30, 2012
An Odd Pair

"Dinner?"  Tinkerbell texted me Friday morning while I was still in Toronto.

"Sure, what sounds good?"

"Ferndale?  Or we can just meet at Buddy’s Pizza," she replies.

We decide to go to Ferndale.  I know of a few good restaurants there and Tinkerbell wants to go this new bar.  I picked her up at 5:00 p.m.  The T-Rex is camping with his grandfather from his baby-daddy's side.  Her boyfriend was still at work.

I wore jeans and a casual grey button-down shirt.  Tinkerbell comes out in jeans and a long fluorescent pink tank top with a giant skull on the front.  She had been straightening her hair when I got there but decided to put it up in a loose knot when she gets into the car.

The evening is unusually cool.  It looks like it will rain.  When we got to Ferndale, we head out on foot but both the restaurant, and the bar we wanted to go to are closed.  It sounds like it is due to liquor violations.  Tinkerbell tells me how they serve after hours.

We decide to eat at Comos instead.  They have a wide section of food and great pizza.  We both opted for pizza.  Tinkerbell gets a deep dish. I got a thin round.  We laugh and talk while we ate.  I knew Tinkerbell needs to get out.  She is the type of person who is reluctant to express her feelings, but I can tell lately she not happy.

 Her relationship is not fulfilling.  She is looking at other guys.  So far, none has looked back.  If it were just herself, she would leave Shakes, but she worries about the T-Rex.  I want her to be happy.  I am not sure what to tell her, but the things she tells me do not make me think much of Shakes, or her relationship.

The city of Ferndale is having a pub crawl Friday night. We decide to join in on the fun.  We go to are first bar, a micro-brewery and ordered beers.  The bartender makes a comment that I could not hear.
"Don't mind him, he's old," Tinkerbell tells the bartender.

My lips turn up in a scowl, but we all laugh.  "I am six years older than my girlfriend and she calls me old too,” the bartender says to us.

"Oh, that is not bad," Tinkerbell assures him.

When he walks away, I say, "How would he react if I said you were my daughter?"

Later Tinkerbell tells me, "Shakes doesn't think I am funny."
 
"What are you talking about, you are one of the funniest people I know!'  Her and my sense of humor gel together so well.  She makes me funnier.  How Shakes could think that is beyond me.  By our third bar, Tinkerbell is ordering shots to go with our beers.

After the fourth bar we decide to leave Ferndale and go to Players, the strip club where we first met six years ago.  I tell Tinkerbell it had been totally remodeled and she would no longer recognize it.  It has been 18 months or more since Tinkerbell has danced anywhere.  She thinks she would have to do it again if she left Shakes.

Some of the old staff is still working the club.  Tinkerbell and I recognize a bouncer and our waitress.  She also recognizes a few of the dancers and the DJ.  We stop talking about her relationship, the subject is bringing her down.  Instead we concentrate on having fun.

Tinkerbell gets cuddly when she gets drunk.  There are no more father daughter comparisons to be made. We don’t stay long.  I suggested we go to Penthouse, the strip club where I usually hang out.  The club where Rose and Billie still work.  Tinkerbell is game.

It is getting late by the time we arrive; Penthouse is busy.  I get us a booth with one of the waitresses I knew and Danielle, one of my favorite shot-girl comes sit with us.  Danielle knows Billie, but there is no love lost there.  Danielle and I have been friends for a couple of years, she has heard me talk about Tinkerbell in the past.   "She is great. I can see why you adore her, " Danielle says to me while Tinkerbell is way from the table.

When Tinkerbell returns, she leans into me, gives me a kiss on the cheek.  I cuddle her head in my arm and press her face against mind.  "We are an odd pair,” she says, her voice thick with alcohol.  She has emptied Danielle's tray of shots between the three of us.

We don't pay attention to the girls on stage or the people around us, we are too far gone for that. Tinkerbell uses her phone to take picture of her and I, something she has never done before. 
I don't think anyone one the outside thinks we are an odd pair, but I've learned to live with how Tinkerbell thinks.  We never stay anywhere long and by the end of the night, we are both hammered.  I meet her outside the club. We get into the Challenger and I take off.  

"Where do you want to go dear?" I ask the still figure in the passenger seat.

"I don't want to go home Bath, he's mean," she murmurs. She is curled up in a ball with her head buried. I smile.  I would like to take her home with me, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea.

"Take me home, Bath."

"Okay, hon."  I rest my hand in her lap.  My fingers are entwined with hers.

 "You're my best friend, Bath,” she says to me.

 "You're my best friend too, Tink."

Thursday, July 9, 2020

Last Dance

Sunday, Firefly strolls into the house like she belongs.  I like that familiarity. I am lying in bed, watching new episodes of Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. "Come here," I tell her, motioning her to cuddle up next to me.  "You have got to see this one."

I start the episode over and she curls up next to me.  Her head is on my shoulder and I run my fingers through her bright red hair while we watch.  It is our last night together. I told her in advance to plan on staying longer.  I provide a running comic commentary during the show.  Which is about a headstrong young girl.  "Sounds like someone I know,"  I say and squeezing her ass.

Firefly is not afraid to give as good as she gets when it comes to banter.  Our jokes continue right through sex.  "I don't have any tricks left for tonight".

"You mean its in?"

"Smart-ass!"  I left her up, flipping her from her side to her back without pulling out.

After, we head downstairs where it is cooler.  We are sitting on the couch sharing a bowl of ice cream when I see Sienna, my cat, slinking toward the basement stairs.  I call her over and tentatively she jumps up onto the couch.  Sienna does not like visitors, but she allows Firefly to brush her for awhile before going here own way.

It is our last night together for a while.  She started the 90 day program Tuesday.  "Have you gone without sex for 90 days?"  I ask.

"I have. When my last boyfriend was in rehab.  You won't,"  she says laughing, "I know you."

"I wasn't going to tell you this,"  I begin.  "You don't need a boost to your ego."  Then I tell her how I told Bunny I could not be in an arrangement with her and that she still wants to hangout with me.

"What can I say, who wouldn't?"  I finish the story with.

"Oh please, full of yourself much?"

The truth is, I don't feel the same need to find someone else right now.  I am looking, but not with the same sense of urgency.  I think I am becoming more comfortable with myself and my situation.

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Chapter 7- What You Get

I have finished my rough draft of Chapter 7. of my memoir and posted it over at Wattpad--for now.  When it is complete I will be taking it down, looking for some proof readers and editors, then publishing it somewhere somehow.

Here is the link for anyone who is interested.  If you like my writing here, you will probably like the story.  It is a story that tells itself through selected old blog posts.

https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/213417032-lost-and-found-in-glitter