Tuesday, March 31, 2020

By Request-- Sienna My Cat

Lucy at Waiting for the Miracle requested to see a picture of my cat.  Her name is Sienna (Billy named her).  Her name is similar to Billy's old dancer name.  Subconscious of course, but probably because it is easier for her to to take care of others than it is to take care of herself.  Although she is learning.

Sienna is 6 years old.  I think.  Honestly I don't really remember.

When Billy moved out she moved back to her parents.  I told her she could not take Sienna there because her parents have three dogs.  So it is me and the cat.

Where she should not be, on the ledge  of the loft watching me work.

Five Minutes To Spare

I dug this out of the achieves.  It is a lighter post from happier times.  Tinkerbell is still one of my best friends.  She became a mother at 19 years of age.  She is 32 yrs old now but there is still some of that mischief in her.

Five Minutes To Spare
Originally Posted: Wednesday December 9, 2009

The T-Rex is content. He is sitting on the couch watching TV. He is a cute kid. He's got dark blond hair, brown eyes and pale skin. He is a stark contrast to his mom who has darker eyes, black hair and a deep tan but you can tell he is hers by the mouth  They have the same curved lips.

Tinkerbell has five minutes left before she needs to leave for school. I will be watching her little T-Rex while she is in class. She decides to rial him up a bit before she leaves--her way of saying goodbye. She squeezes him close, plants kisses on him, its pure anathema to a 3 year old boy. He tries to squirm away. She tries getting him to wish her luck on her last test of the semester.

Her poking and prodding increase and so do his protests. Things escalate, I've seen it a hundred times before, this is a normal routine for them. Plastic dinosaurs are thrown-- by both. I never know who will win. The T-Rex is on top. He has a hand in Tinkerbell's long hair.

"Not the hair! How many times have I told you not mommy's hair? She screams. "I'll bit you I swear!"

Tinkerbell seems to relent but is laying low and changing tactics. The T-Rex goes back to watching TV. "Get me a marker," She tells me, "I'll show you what I did to him the other day."

I swear there is no age difference between these two. I return from the kitchen with a blue marker. "Here I think this is washable." Not that it would make a difference to her.

She proceeds to fill in the tip of his nose blue, than adds three whiskers on each cheek and three exaggerated eyelashes above each eye. The T-Rex put up with her marking him without making a fuss because he can still see TV. "Go look in the mirror kitty," she says when she is through.

He runs off to the bathroom and comes back smiling. My mother would have been appalled but I smile. That is one of the things I like about Tinkerbell she doesn't worry about what others think. She would take the T-Rex shopping with her all day with his face that way. She would be happy and he would be happy and that is all that would matter.

Monday, March 30, 2020

The Price

The Gymnast crawled out from under her rock to let me know she has not been sick.  She is just isolating.  What ever I had last week is gone but the symptoms seem to mild for it to be the virus. So I can still look forward to it.

I have been binge watching Once Upon A Time on Netflix.  A series about fairy tales and magic.  I seem to watch a lot of that sort of thing.  It teaches us that all magic comes with a price and that true love can break a curse.

But there is no magic and true love is a spiritual state of letting go that most of us do not attain.  What I know is love comes with a price. I lay in bed at night and dream of lost love.  The script no longer works though.  My feelings are gone.  They have been replaced with reality and a sadness in knowing that Billy was probably my last great love. 

Do we get wiser with age or does time just slow us down?  If I were young again...I would pay the price.

She broke down and let me in
Made me see where I've been

Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again

You don't know what it means to win
Come down and see me again

Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again...Never Going Back again, Fleetwood Mac

Friday, March 27, 2020

Count the Blessings

I need to count my blessings during this crisis.  I am still working (for now).  My family and friends are all healthy.  I am healthy and have plenty of food.  If I had human companionship, I would be content.

My friends Alexis and Sam cut hair for a living.  They are both not working.  Another friend Jay works for GM.  He was given a 20% pay deferral.  For the next six months he will get paid 20% less and the company will give it back to him with interest next year.  Billy has also been home.  I would say everyone I know except for my coworkers have been negatively impacted by this.

I have one coworker how knows three people who have died from the virus. I do not know anyone in my circle local circle that is a confirmed case, though a few think they had it or have it.

I  am glad the weekend is here.  I need to get away from this computer.  I spend too much time reading about the virus.  I am reading The Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett.  It is a long book.  I do not find it that good.  The latest episode of The Magicians is out on Amazon.  I cannot wait to watch it.  The series is on NetFlix I recommend it.

Stay safe.  Stay at home and count your blessings. 

Thursday, March 26, 2020


The days have ground to a halt.  It is hard to believe it has only been a few weeks since I was traveling through rural Michigan.  Working from home is making me realize I don't like my job.  I like the routine.  The job is just a place holder in my routines.  Those routines have broken down when will go back to normal?  The work is boring and unfulfilling but it pays really well and is apparently able to withstand pandemics.  Once again I feel like Ebeneezer Scrooge sitting on top of my money, home alone eating my cold gruel and haunted by the ghosts of my past.

When Tinkerbell broke up with her previous boyfriend back in 2013 she moved out near me.  Not to an area she was more familiar with, though she would never admit it, she picked this location to be close to me, someone she could trust.  For new readers, Tinkerbell and I briefly dated and lived together for a few months out of necessity on her part.  We were not a good couple but we are good friends. 

Tinkerbell called me yesterday to complain about her neighbors.  She owns an older townhouse style condo, built before the standards provide for more sound proof walls.  "Hey I am dropping my spare key off at your house,"  she informs me.  She has been spending most of her time at her current boyfriends house.  He lives on the other side of town, forty minutes away. 

She tells me they discussed moving in together.  He said now is the time to do it.  I am happy for her.  Her new boyfriend is a good guy and he is good with her son the T-Rex (who will be starting high school next year).  It won't happen soon.  Probably not till summer.  She still has things she want to finish.  She wants to rent her place out.

She stopped in for a second.  I kept me distance and handed her a Diet Coke with sanitary wipes.  She doesn't take the virus or me being sick seriously.  Am I a hypochondriac?  Tinkerbell didn't stay long.  I wanted to ask her too but given social distancing rules it didn't seem like a good idea.

When she left, I found myself sad.  Her moving away hits me on several levels.  It is like having your oldest go away to college.  Its like so many others who leave because they do not need you any more.  For a person who is more comfortable being needed than wanted, it is a heavy blow.

And it's happened once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own, well I guess this is growing up
Well I guess this is growing up  Damnit, Blink 182

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Best Of- A Different Conversation

No new stories to tell. I am not going out creating them.  My symptoms still remain mild. Some people think I just have a cold.  It would be nice to know.  I will be faced with it eventually they are not making a strong effort to control it in this country.  I pulled this out of the achieves it is an old post.  This title seems to pop-up a lot.

A Conversation
Originally Posted Monday January 9, 2006

"I read somewhere once that some people get energy from being around others, while others feel drained and need to recharge with alone time."

"Where did you see that?"

"I'm not sure, internet probably, " he says, pushing his empty beer bottle toward the bartender. "I'm thinking the same theory can be related to friendships."

Her brow furrows. "I'm not following." She points to the empty bottle. "You want another?"

He pauses, organizing his thoughts. He watches her turn, bend and retrieve another bottle from the refrigerator behind the bar. She is dressed in low rise jeans and a long tight pink tee, the combination exaggerates her breasts and the length of her torso. Her movements are smooth and fluid as she replaces the empty beer with the freshly opened.

"What I mean is friendships can charge or drain you. The best ones, I guess, do both. I think I am the type of person that is drained by friendships. It's like I need time alone to do for myself. I think it's because I give more then I ask in return."

She smiles and there is a spark of mischief in her brown eyes. "Maybe your doing it wrong then."

Shaking his head, he laughs. "Maybe I'm explaining it wrong. " He thinks for a moment. "If your car were broke who would you call for a ride?"

"I dunno, Trish?  Heck, last month, when I had that electrical problem I called the bar and asked one of the regulars if they'd give me a ride to work."

"Okay," he starts, sitting up straighter, feeling she has made his point. "Did the guy give you a ride because he wanted to or because he felt obligated to because he's a regular?"

"He probably did it 'cause he thinks it will get him in my pants."

"Yeh, of course, there is that whole factor too..."

The floor waitress comes over and orders a round of shots. The bartender lines up four shot glasses, pours a rich caramel colored liqueur into each and the waitress takes them away on her tray.

"Does it really matter why he did it? Who cares what his reasons are? If he'd said no, I'd just call someone else."

"See that's where we are different. There are a lot more people I would give a ride to, then I would expect to give me a ride."

"Why? Shouldn't you be able to count on them too?"

"I suppose. This guy who gave you a ride. Would you give him a ride home?"

She bites her lower lip. A coy look of guilt cross her face as she thinks about the question. "Probably not him, but if someone I knew better like you needed a ride home-- I would," she says with a wink.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Boredom Sucks

The solitude is getting to me.  This is what it is like to get old, I think in my head.  Work emails trickle in.  It seems people working from home do not work as much, or they are like me and spend all day reading about the virus. 

My house is often silent.  The house is silent.  Occasionally I will hear the soft patter of the cats paws along the wooden floor when she comes to check up on me.  I salivate over a new text or the occasional phone call.  The Gymnast, has disappeared not sure what that is about.  I called a coronavirus testing center today.  If you are able to walk without a sever shortness of breath they are telling you to just stay home.  So there is no way of telling how many actual cases are in Michigan, or if I even have the virus (for the record, I am pretty sure). 

New Jersey hit 3600 cases today.  That is the second state to tip passed the magic 3000 mark.  They will be up to 5000 by tomorrow.  Soon the entire eastern seaboard will be overloaded.  It looks like California will tip tomorrow then the state of Washington.

My prediction is that Michigan will tip by this weekend.  The governor put tighter quarantine rules in affect but not everyone is following them.  Tinkerbell goes into her empty workplace.  Billy is still working.  The President wants to get the country back to work by Easter.  What fucking planet is he on?  By Easter the US will have more confirmed cases than China.  Who knows what the death toll will be.

Boredom sucks.