The Drama Continues

Firefly wrecked her car Thanksgiving Evening.  She rear-ended another car. She managed to drive it to her parent's house, but now it will not start. The damage will cost more than the car is worth. She has moved out of her house and in with a new guy she barely knows.  This guy doesn't have a car, lives with his mother, and is from the NA meetings. She will never learn.

She thinks they will be moving into their own place by the end of the year.  Something tells me that will not happen. I am just sitting back and watching. 

On the plus side, she has been drug testing 3 or 4 times a week (I wonder how long it will be before she gets caught with alcohol in her system), and she still has her job at the restaurant. Not sure how she will get to it, though.

Movie Night

I picked Ava up Friday at 4:00 pm.  We decided it was too cold to see the light display downtown Rochester and saved that for next Friday. Instead, we picked up food on the way and headed back to the condo. We made chocolate chip cookies from a frozen batch we picked up weeks ago and cuddled up on the couch. 

I changed into a pair of sweatpants and offered Ava a pair of comfortable lounge pants of mine she could change into. Ava loved the first Deadpool movie but had not seen the second, so we watched Deadpool Two. I sat up during the movie. Ava placed a square pillow in my lap, rested her head on it, and stretched out before me on the couch. I rubbed her back while we watched the movie, and we ate a few of the cookies.

After the movie, we headed upstairs. Ava is getting comfortable here. She warms up slowly and doesn't take things for granted. The sex is very satisfying for both of us. It is never rushed. We are both giving people and are attentive to the other's needs. 

During our pillow talk, I mentioned that I felt Ava holds back part of herself. She admitted it was true but blamed it on her childhood and upbringing rather than our arrangement. Ava controls her health and what she eats because she feels she cannot afford to be sick. She doesn't allow herself to indulge in what pleases her.

I still find her different, but not in a way that makes me want to stop seeing her. She is free of the drama which usually surrounds the girls I get in evolved with.  That alone makes her worth keeping around.

Lego Weekend

 Firefly went from the medical hospital to the mental hospital. She stayed for a week but checked herself out of the rehab unit on Monday. She has been pretty quiet since.  She ignored my text suggesting we should get a pizza. She did tell me she never received her next Naltrexone shot. Firefly says she is "all smiles" on social media, but we all know social media is anything but an actual mirror. 

Believe
That life can change
That you're not stuck in vain
We're not the same. We're different
Tonight... Tonight Tonight, Smashing Pumpkins

Yesterday, Max came over.  The twins stayed at their mom's house. I made a chicken and noodle dish with biscuits. Max had turkey the day before, so I figured he would not want it again. We watched Edge of Tomorrow (my favorite Tom Cruise movie) and took apart a Lego haunted house I wanted to store. It has been played with and on display for ten years. The rest of the evening, I sorted the pieces and checked the parts against the inventory. Several of the parts were not with the set.

The temperature dropped overnight. Ava and I are supposed to go to Rochester to see the light display downtown. I may suggest we wait until next weekend.  It should be 10 to 15 degrees warmer.  I don't think she minds getting food and staying inside when it is cold.

Lego Spree

 The holiday season is often an excuse for the purchase of Legos. I have bought a Harry Potter set for 50% off and three 1500 piece generic bulk sets that were also 50% off from Walmart.  The bulk sets are a great deal.  Less than 2 cents a brick. This is the way Lego enthusiasts calculate the economics of a set. 

I also bought Minifigures (knights) and specific bricks (mostly small round dots) from resellers. It is easier to buy these from resalers in bulk in the colors I want for my recent build. My collection may be excessive, but I figure if it makes me happy, it is no different than a boat, a vacation house, or other adult toys. It is also less expensive and maintains some of its value.

Tower Update

 This weekend I worked on my Lego tower. I started by rebuilding the tower to improve the structure's strength and reduce the number of pieces. I removed fifty to seventy-five pieces while keeping it the same height-- I think. 

I closed the gap in the large windows, added red flowers to the ivy, and figured out a way to quickly attach the top to the base (after I dropped the top and had to rebuild that). I created an island base to mount the structure on, and now I will work on a bridge going from the island to the mainland. 

These pictures were taken before I implemented the new system for mounting the top to the base. You can see it is tilted in one image.  That doesn't happen anymore. A rectangle in the bottom fits into a slot in the top.

Slow progress, but my typical building style involves several rebuilds until I am satisfied

Stay

 This seemed like a long week on repeat. So much so, Wednesday morning, I searched the house and garage for my Yeti coffee cup. I was positive that I brought it home the night before, like always. I had an image of walking in with it in my mind, but it was nowhere to be found. When I got to work, it was sitting on my desk. Wake up, work, repeat.

Back in the summer, I told Max he should start looking for a new car to replace his 1998 Dodge Dakota. The truck is beginning to show its age. The engine still runs well, but the body is falling apart. After procrastinating for months, his breakup has motivated him to find something newer. I offered to buy him a decent car, so he wouldn't need to worry about a car payment. Yesterday he found a reasonable Chevy Cruze on Carvana, and I picked it up for him. Now, he needs to sell his truck to recoup some of my cost, and I need to transfer the new vehicle into his name once it arrives.

Ava came over Friday night. We went to eat at a fast-food restaurant that specializes in fresh, healthy food. It was actually delicious. The girl tries to maintain a very healthy lifestyle, right down to her wood handle toothbrush and fluoride-free toothpaste she left behind. My initial instinct is to laugh at these extreme differences, but I think I should start embracing some of these ideas instead of resisting them. It doesn't hurt to be environmentally friendly when the choice doesn't adversely affect me.

She led me upstairs once we returned home. I am unsure if she was anxious to get under the covers or on a timetable. 

"I want you inside me," she tells me once I roll over on top of her and remove her clothing. 

I pause from kissing her firm breast. "It would be easier for me to take you seriously if you text me saying you cannot wait for me to bend you over the bed again instead of calling it fun time."

"That isn't me. I'd be worried about how you'd take it."

"Well, my ego would appreciate it-- if that is what you are thinking," I reply. "Perhaps I am too easy and need to make you beg more."

"Now that I know, I text you. Heck, I'll send a video saying it."

Ava doesn't beg. I am already hard and ready to go. What the sex lacks in passion, she makes up for in enthusiasm. The girl wears me out, but she is more than willing to do her fair share of the work. She doesn't seem rushed when we are having sex. I am sweating by the time I climax.

She seems to enjoy the sex as much as I do. Still, something is missing. It is not love. I am not looking for that with her. The only word I find that describes it is passion. Ava seems to thrive through controlling herself and her environment. She holds back and is afraid to lose control over the person she portrays to the world.

Perhaps, this is all I can except from Ava in this type of arrangement. I am just not sure, but I tend to trust my instincts. Either way, I am looking forward to exploring it further next time we meet. 

This morning I woke from a bad dream about Billie. A rehashing of the past that left me maudlin and slow to rise. A subconscious search for this missing passion in the form of a dream.

Billie enters my thoughts less often, but she is always present in the recesses of my mind. Sometimes I wonder if it is the same for her or if she has forgotten me. Does my name appear in her head each time a silver and black Jeep passes her on the road the way it does for me when I see a silver Ford Focus?

Always one foot in the past.

And you say

I only hear what I want to
I don't listen hard
I don't pay attention
To the distance
That you're running or to
Anyone anywhere
I don't understand if you really care
I'm only hearing negative, no no no, bad

So I, I turned the radio on,
I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song
Lovers in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay
And some of us hover when we weep
For the other who was dying

Since the day they were born...Stay (I Miss You), Lisa Loeb

Airport Run

 I picked up Ava from the Detroit Metro Airport Monday afternoon. She was on a spiritual retreat in Jacksonville, Florida, for her birthday. Her plane was on time, and we headed off toward the freeway.  Ava asked if I could stop at a juice bar on the way home.

"Actually, I thought we could eat at Fishbones downtown. They have sushi, and I could go for some jambalaya," I said.

"That sounds even better."

"Good, it's already plugged into the GPS."

It was a twenty-minute ride downtown. We parked in the Greektown Casino parking garage and walked the two blocks to Fishbones. This was Ava's first time at Fishbones. She gives off the impression she gets out a lot, but I don't think that is the case in reality. I think she cannot afford to do much traveling and only gets the opportunity through relationships.

I am still trying it figure Ava out. I like talking with her. We have several things in common. She is reserved, and her abusive relationship with her father has driven her to maintain a very healthy lifestyle. I think it stems from a need to control some aspect of her life.

She sends texts like: "Thinking of you. Sending you good vibes & looking forward to our 6 pm dinner & playtime this Friday!"

It is hard for me to take someone who says "fun time" instead of sex as being genuine. I'd be more comfortable if Ava said, looking forward to you bending me over the bed again, but perhaps that is just my ego talking.

I'm debating taking her to Key West for New Year. Not sure if she would be interested or if I'd rather wait until March when the prices are more reasonable.

Weekends

 Max came over Saturday. He is buying new clothes, working out, and hanging out with friends.  All the things that can be neglected when we are in a long-term relationship. It is good to see. I hope he can sustain his positive attitude through the holidays. It seems like he is starting to realize her agenda and his did not align.

Sunday, it snowed-- big wet flakes that did not stick to the ground and threaten to turn into rain at any point. I ventured out early and did some grocery shopping and used my 30% off coupon at Khols. I spent the rest of the day sorting through Lego and separating the pieces for some of the older sets I'd like to keep together with box and instructions.

Firefly went quiet Saturday afternoon. She was being transferred to a mental hospital near the condo. So I am assuming that is where she is at. She said it would be for three days, but I hope they keep her there for at least a week.  The more time she seems to spend in a controlled environment, the better.

I am looking forward to the upcoming time off. Next week I have a four-day weekend. After that, there are only fifteen or sixteen more working days in the year. It is not the holidays I am excited about.

I am looking forward to the time off and being able to indulge in my own activities. Perhaps I am closer to retiring than I think.

Thoughts and a Conversation with Firefly

 A few months back, I added using the weight machines to my lunchtime workout routine. Not much, just my arms and torso. We don't have anything for working out the legs in our little work gym except stationary bikes, a treadmill, and ellipticals.

I usually hate going to the gym, but I do like the results. Ava didn't mind them either. They do improve my mood and my attitude about myself.

*     *     *

I chatted with Firefly over text today. She has not used opioids. However, she has been drinking, and apparently, getting drunk and taking all her Seroquel landed her in the hospital. She says she doesn't remember why she did it. If I had to guess, I would say it involves a boy.

Bathwater: When you get out, don't be a stranger. You can always reach out and say, "Hi, I'm doing good" or "Hi, I am not doing good today; buy me a pizza."

Firefly: I think I can do that.

This is the way I'd like it. I'd like to keep her at arm's length, but I want her to realize she has a friend and ally.

Bathwater: I will always remember our road trip together, fondly. It may be a once-in-a-lifetime trip for me. I hope you do too.

Firefly: I dooo.

Bathwater: Slow your roll, Shortcake, and reach out to positive people when temptation or depression get too much.

Firefly: Yeah, idk what happened.

Bathwater: Alcohol, drugs, relationships-- they mess with your head. You are too fragile for that right now.

Firefly: Yeah, I noticed.

Mixed Bag

I have been trying to post more often.  Here is a mixed bag of items too short for individual posts.

At lunch, I usually go to the office gym. It is a small area packed with one treadmill, several ellipticals, a couple of exercise bikes, and two weight machines. Yesterday, on the way to the gym, I ran into Popstar and a few others in the lunchroom. This is the first time I have seen Popstar since she ignored my text.

The group was talking, so I paused and entered the conversation. One woman was retiring. She has been commuting a long distance for the last six months as she transitions into retirement. Popstar made the following comment to the retiring coworker concerning the commute. "Heck, you could stay with me (instead of making the drive). I'm bored."

I didn't comment. If the year wasn't 2021 and this wasn't a conversation at work, I might have said. Bored? Then maybe you should have taken me up on my offer for dinner. Instead, I just headed to the gym.

*    *    *

Firefly is awake. Her mother says there was no permanent damage. I have not heard directly from Firefly. Because of Covid, visiting patients is limited to one family member each day. I called the gift shop and arranged for them to send a stuffed animal to her room.

The pleasant-sounding giftshop volunteer relayed the animals they had available. I chose a zebra from those.  On the card, I had her put the following, "Zebras cannot change their stripes, but you can Cuddledud." 

I informed the woman there was no need to add my name. Firefly would know who it was from. I have been second-guessing the note. Does it sound harsh?  Get well soon or glad you are alive-- didn't seem appropriate.

*    *    *

Ava is on a spiritual retreat in Jacksonville, Florida, for her birthday, which is Friday. I think it is a "working" retreat. She returns Monday. I offered to pick her up from the airport. Maybe we will get something to eat on the way home. All part of blurring the lines.

Blurred Lines

 Yesterday, I was feeling stressed.  A computer virus was making its way through our system at work, causing issues. People still get caught by email fishing. My thoughts kept drifting to Firefly in a coma at the hospital and everything that could happen. I feel sorrow for her parents.

I rushed home through ongoing construction. I had plans with Ava, and I needed to take a shower. Two miles from my condo, I received a text from Max.

Max: When will you be home?

Bathwater: In about five minutes.

I knew his question meant he was probably over. I wanted to be supportive and commiserate with him over his breakup, but I had less than an hour to shower and tidy up the place. Max took down the pictures of him and his girlfriend I had on display. He threw out one, and I put away the other.  The latter was a picture of Max, his girlfriend, Billie, and me. 

I told Max I had a date coming over. He asked me how old she was. "Twenty-nine," I said.

"What happened to the forty-year-old?"

"She baled on me."

Max didn't stay long, but he promised to come back this weekend. He seems to be taking the breakup well. Maybe too well. I don't want him shunning girls entirely. 

Ava called me while I was taking out the trash and said she was picking up pizzas from a nearby place on the way and needed to know what topping I wanted. How can you dislike a girl who brings you a pizza and fucks you for an hour after? But I am jumping ahead.

Ava showed up right on time wearing black leggings and a black floral blouse.  She had her long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. We sat on the couch in the living room and talked while we ate. She opened more about her family. She is not close to her father, yet she still lives at home because she is close to her mother, who is on disability due to a car accident.

I paused our conversation to take a thirty-minute conference call upstairs in the loft. Ava watched videos while she waited. When I returned, we talked a bit more.

"You are not going to be shy with me tonight, are you?" I asked before I led her upstairs. "In your head, you should be thinking, fuck this guy, he is twice my age. He is lucky to be having sex with me."

Ava laughed. "I am not like that."

We got undressed and under the covers. I rolled on top of Ava, and we continued our banter while we kissed, and I explored her neck and torso with my mouth.

Somehow we got on the topic of masturbating. Ava said she rarely does.

"Don't you get horny?" I asked.

"I get horny all the time."

"What do you do if you are not with a guy?"

Ava patted my arm gently and looked at me as if I were naive. "There is always a guy available."

"I think I just shrank two inches. I forgot you are a woman. Of course, a guy is always available." 

We both laughed, and it broke the tension, but I needed a little attention after the blow to my ego. I asked if she would go down on me. She did, though she admitted later it is something she doesn't usually do. It is a phrase she used a couple of times during the evening.

I became hard quickly and entered her missionary, but we promptly progressed into a series of different positions. Sex is a vice she does indulge in. We continued for what seemed like an hour. She was not in a hurry for me to finish. We finished with her bent over the side of the bed. As I slowed my pace, I leaned down over her and whispered in her ear. "Now you are beginning to understand why I don't date women my own age."

"Heck, I feel like the cougar!" She replied. If nothing else, these girls are good for the ego. Though, despite what it might sound like here, I try not to take it too seriously.

I laid back on the bed. Ava pulled up the covers and rested her head on my chest. She describes herself as polyamorous. "I believe you can be in love with more than one person," she tells me. That sounds like a person with commitment issues to me. 

"I am not looking for anyone to be in love with me. In lust would be nice."

Early on, I told her I was looking to see someone about three times a month. Ava offers up just hanging out one night on the off week. Blurred lines. 

"We can do that. As long as we understand each other," I tell her. "It sounds like you need a safe place to hang out, and I don't mind the company." 

Ava feels her home is toxic because of her father. Se arrived at six with two personal pizzas in hand and left around ten-thirty. How can I complain? Things might get interesting here.

Firefly

 I feel sorry for the younger generations who will be immersed in the sanitized world of the Metaverse.  The real world is messy; it is physical, painful, and raw.

I received two texts from Firefly's mother today. Firefly overdosed, and she is in a coma of sorts. She has been sleeping since Sunday at 5:30 a.m. I am not a religious man, but I hope she wakes.

The Date

I washed the truck and ran some errands Sunday. The extra hour provided by daylight savings time gave me plenty of time. I decide on a blue button-down shirt, jeans, black ankle-length boots, and a black jacket for my date. I was going to wear a lightweight trench coat, but it looked too formal. I love trench coats. There is nothing cooler than a long jacket. That is why they are used in movies and TV. 

Ava texted me about an hour before the date and said not to rush, but she would be arriving early. I asked her what her ETA was and told her I could work with that. The night was warm for November. We arrived at the same time, and I gave her a quick hug in the parking lot.

Ava wore a dark pink winter jacket, an off-white long sleeve knit sweater, and jeans. The hostess sat us right away. The restaurant was crowded, but there were no lines of people waiting. It was loud inside. My ear was not bothering me that night, but I worry I will have trouble hearing in such environments anymore.

For the record, Tinkerbell was wrong. Ava is not in her thirties. She is turning twenty-nine next week. She showed me her license after I revealed my own age. My age didn't phase her. If anything, she seemed surprised I was older. 

The conversation flowed during dinner. I haven't figured Ava out yet, but she is not the typical girl I am attracted to.  She is a lot like me in the way she treats others. She is thoughtful and not afraid to take charge and make plans. This makes me anxious. It takes me out of my comfort zone-- the familiar. 

Ava watches what she eats closely. I am guessing, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out she struggled with her weight when she was younger. She is self-conscious about her looks and her body, yet she is a pretty girl.

After dinner, she suggested we drive to the grocery store across the street, pick up something for dessert and head back to my place. Which is precisely what we did. When we got back to my condo, I gave her the tour. Then, we sat downstairs and continued talking. 

At some point, Ava suggested that we grab some water and head upstairs. She undressed and got under the covers before I arrived. This is where I get the feeling Ava is uneasy about her appearance. She preferred the lights dim. In my experience, the younger girls are more willing to have sex right away. The Gymnast and Firefly were driven by the desire for quick money. Ava seems more like Bunny, who wanted to establish a connection before intimacy. 

Pick-up artists say it takes around seven hours over the course of two or three dates for a woman to feel comfortable sleeping with a man.  Ava would have had sex with me Sunday, but I felt there was still a level of comfort missing.  I told her we didn't need to have sex. We did some petting, kissing and got comfortable being around each other. 

I am struggling with Ava.  She does not trigger my savior complex. Yes, that is a good thing. It is just foreign territory for me. I am determined to let it play out and give it a chance. She has a week-long trip to Florida planned for her birthday. She leaves on Wednesday. She wants to come over Tuesday before she goes-- for "dinner, dessert, and fun." She has already offered to pick up dinner on the way.

Breaks

Friday, after work, Max came over, and we worked on tightening the negative battery cable in his truck. We loosened it about a week ago when he was having battery issues.  Turns out his battery is fine, but the battery cable didn't tighten very well. The screw and nut were rusted, and we ended up cutting them off and replacing them.

Saturday, I helped Sam move some of her belongings stored at her dad's house to her condo. After, I did more sorting and organizing of the old Lego sets.  I still don't know if I will be selling any, but it is nice to know what I have.

Max texted me Sunday afternoon to tell me he broke up with his girlfriend. She did it over text. She said the relationship felt more like friends. I suggested that there might be some other dude in the picture. I knew he was upset. He doesn't often text me about his personal life unless it is bothering him.

I think this is a good thing in the long run. She was his first girlfriend, and they were together for several years. She was pushing for him to get more serious. She wanted to move out together. Max is not ready for that, and I thought that would be a bad idea. He is a good liking guy. He will find someone else.

The Debate

There is some debate on weather Ava is actually twenty-six. Tinkerbell thinks she is older.

Tinkerbell: She looks thirty-two. Look at the teeth, they are middle aged lady teeth.

I am not sure what middle age lady teeth are supposed to look like. 

Tinkerbell: Also her hair is not the style of a 26 year old. It is of someone who was born in the late 90s that learned to style their hair in 2005 in high school.

In other words, someone like Tink, I am thinking, but didn't bother saying.

It doesn't matter. I say I am fifty-one on the site. Ava is cute, and talks more like a twenty-six year old than a thirty-two year old. Besides, I think the older the better. Ava has been keeping in touch. Sending the occasional text or Snap.

Instictively, I makes me suspicious when the woman show this kind of effort. I am left guessing their motivations. I am ignoring this instinct and letting things unfold because familiar, is not always good for us.

Violet

 Last night I changed to a grey long sleeve pullover and jeans before leaving work. My coffee date was only thirty minutes away, so I gave myself forty-five minutes. I figured I could fill the gas tank along the way, which I did. Thirty minutes turned into, oh shit, I am rushing to be on time. Undocumented road closures and construction slowed my drive. Whatever happened to not using Google and just knowing how to get somewhere? The route I would have chosen was the one I finally took.

I made it to the Starbucks a few minutes before Ava. This is her chosen name, not her real name. I like it, and I think we will just go with that. I ordered a frappuccino, and Ava entered before my drink was complete. I purchased her a drink, and we sat at a table close to the front. 

We were the only customers in the store for the one and a half hours we talked. Initially, I took my jacket off, but the store was cold, and I put it back on.  Ava never attempted to remove her coat or knit hat. 

Ava says she is twenty-six. She is cute with shoulder-length brown hair and wears cats-eye shaped dark glasses. Ava's profile indicated she likes to be active in several things I enjoy, such as yoga, kayaking, and hiking. I only wish I could start one of these arrangements in the Spring and not when winter starts!

Ava seems very tech-savvy. I like that. I feel like I need to learn more about new technologies. She reminds me a bit of the Gymnast. It would be nice if she were as enthusiastic in bed, but unlike the Gymnast or Firefly, Ava shuns vices such as drinking, drugs, and even gambling. She is vegan and holistic. I will be the one with the more unhealthy lifestyle.

We talked for an hour and a half. I was more talkative than Ava, but I apologized for my rambling. We seemed to hit it off and came to an understanding. Ava offered up getting together Sunday for dinner. I asked if she had any suggestions on restaurants. I didn't have any ideas that would suit her diet. That is something I will need to get used to. 

Later, after I returned home, I texted her.

Bathwater: It was nice meeting you. You are very pretty. I hope I didn't talk your ear off.

Ava: It was nice meeting you too & aww, thank you so much! Nope, not at all. I like that you are talkative.

Ava: I just made our reservations for 7 pm at J Baldwins on Sunday.

Bathwater: Wow, you are proactive. Sounds good. I am looking forward to it.

We exchanged a few more texts before I fell asleep. I like that Ava is not afraid to assert herself. I am not sure how much of her interest is real and what is contrived, but I am sure I will figure that out in time. It might be fun finding out.

Having someone to hang out with during this time of year is never wrong. I don't like the holidays. They stress me out. I won't be going on any road trips over Christmas this year, but maybe I can still arrange for a quick getaway.

Halloween

This is short and feels incomplete.

This weekend, I worked on creating a spreadsheet of all the Lego sets I have collected.  Sunday, Tinkerbell and Tech dropped T-Rex off at his girlfriend’s house for Halloween and then came over. They had several hours to kill, so they spent some time at my condo before we went out for a drink and dinner.

Tinkerbell moaned the whole time.  Her back was bothering her, and she didn’t want to be on the other side of town on a Sunday evening. It didn’t seem like Halloween this year. I saw few costumes. Maybe I should have gotten out more, but I was comfortable being at home.

I am still dealing with many confusing thoughts and conflicting feelings concerning who I am and what I want.

“Kill the beta before it kills you.”--Rollo Tomassi.

I have another coffee date tonight. This one is for a mutually beneficial arrangement. She has not canceled-- yet. I am still working myself up for this one.