Vues and Returns

 Last week the day after selling the Silver Jeep I made arrangements to purchase a 2003 Saturn Vue for about 1/10 the price of the Jeep.  It looks good on the outside but it has 188,000 miles on it.

  I've had to do a few things to it but I think it will get Firefly around for a while.  She is back by the way.  Her insurance only paid for 10 days and she was not able to get a scholarship to stay longer.  She is doing okay.  She is struggling but has not relapsed so far that I can tell.  She is a bit manic at times and has some insomnia but both are normal.  We will see how it goes.  She is looking into local day programs.  She definitely needs a lot of therapy.

I had her sign a list of house rules and requirements.  Violation of any will get her kicked out of the house.  It strict but she needs it.  She can be a handful and will walk all over you if you let her.  We are talking about just getting in the Gladiator and heading south over the Christmas holiday.  I have 16 days of and would like to drive down into New Mexico, Texas and Arizona.  We'll see.

The Punisher Is Gone

 Firefly left Friday.  As is her typical fashion she was running late but she successfully made it to the rehab in Texas.  We will see where things take us from here.  The house is emptier with her gone.  I cleaned the silver Jeep up Friday and put it up for sale.  It sold Saturday to the first guy who looked at it.  His girlfriend has one.  He is going to flip my Jeep and keep the extra parts for her Jeep.  He got a good deal but I am happy with the selling price.  He is picking it up Wednesday.

I will miss the Punisher but the Gladiator more than makes up for it.  I have been counting down the days left in the year.  I can have 16 days off at the end of the year if I save my vacation days.  It would be nice to get in the Gladiator and just take off.  I wonder if Firefly would be interrested.

Finally Nights

 Wednesday after I took Max home, I arrived back at the condo thirty minutes before Firefly.  I was tired, but Firefly likes to stay up late into the night.  She went back to the bathroom to apply a face mask and a hair treatment.

"Did you die in there?"  I text her, after several minutes pass.

"Give me five minutes loser," she replies.

Text and meme's continue to be exchanged.

"I swear I am going to get that sex doll while you are away."

"Oh hush you are gonna miss me!"

When she finally gets out she sits and front of me wearing only a pair of nude colored pants and asks for a back rub.  I oblige knowing what will come after but my heart is not into the task.  I am horny and tired and still have not gotten my second wind. She lets me off the hook quickly after a few minutes and lays next to me.

"It is so wrong that I like having sex with you more than Toad, (the boy she is seeing), but you have a bigger dick and more experience," she says.

I smile and ask, "should we get out the toys for our last night?" 

She says yes, so I pull a small vibrator from the dresser and use it while going down on her.  Her body arches and squirms to my rhythm. She doesn't last long before she is pulling me up toward her.

"Thought you liked girls going down on you,"  I whisper in her ear. 

"They don't have dicks," She says and grinds her pelvis into me.  

I tease her before entering her, "What do you want?"

"Your dick."

I enter her slowly, continuing to tease before burying myself deep inside her.  It is an epic sexual encounter.  Pillows are knocked from the bed as we have sex in multiple positions.  I finish with me on top of her missionary.  We are both hot and sweaty.  

"We will still have time to do it again tomorrow," she says to me. "You hungry?"

"You are crazy," I tell her.

We go downstairs and I help her make a chicken wrap.  It is close to 3:30 am before we settled under the covers.  Firefly wraps her leg over my torso and cuddles her face into my chest.  She is asleep in minutes.

Urgent Care

It is 8:30 pm, I am in bed watching season two of The Boys on Prime.  Firefly is in the bathroom taking a shower.  I am looking forward to one last even with her when my phone rings.  My son Maxwell works the evening shift unloading at Lowes.  He dropped a pallet on his foot and they want him to get an x-ray.

"Can you take me to get an x-ray?"  He asks.

"Yeah, of course I will be right there."  The store is just five minutes from the house.

I get up, slide into a pair of jeans and tell Firefly the situation through the bathroom door before taking off.

"That okay my mom wants me to stop over, anyway.  She says she has something for me,"  Firefly tells me.

I take the new Gladiator up to Lowes and park in the fire lane out front.  I check my phone for open urgent care facilities in the area.  Most of the ones that deal with workman's compensation injuries are closed.  The nearest 24 hour one is an hour away.  Max comes limping out a few minutes later.  He is wearing a black Vans pullover hoodie and jeans.

I suggest we go to a Henry Ford urgent care that is right up the road and he agrees.  It is just past 9:00 pm when we get there but the place seems deserted.  I drop Max off at the door and park the Gladiator.  When I reach the entrance they already have him in a wheelchair but the nurse working the door tells me I have to wait in the car.  They are not allowing guests in with the patients.

I head back out toward the truck to wait.  I cannot help be admire the truck under the parking lot lights.  I am still in awe of it.  It is a mighty beast.  I stop an take a photo.  It is blurry but a car pulled in near by will I was snapping the image and I didn't want to appear to be gawking over my own vehicle so I did not take another.

An elderly security guard wheeled Max out thirty minutes later.  His foot is bruised and may have a hairline fracture but nothing serious. 

"Do you want to get your truck, now or just wait till tomorrow?"  My house, his mother's house where he lives and the Lowes are all within a five mile radius.

"I'll get it tomorrow,"  he informs me, so I head for his home.

"Don't you have safety boots?"  I ask on the ride.

"I do, but I decided to wear my tennis shoes today."  Apparently work boots are not required.

This morning I text him.  "How is your foot?"

"Better but bruised to hell."

What Will Tomorrow Bring

 And we can find new ways of living make playing only logical harm

And we can top the old times, clay-making that nothing else will change
But she can read, she can read, she can read, she can read, she's bad
She can read, she can read, she can read
Oh, she's bad

It's different now that I'm poor and aging, I'll never see this place again
You go stabbing yourself in the neck...Obstacle 1, Interpol

After weeks of me push, Firefly is set to leave this Friday.  Dallas, Texas is her destination.  She will be there for thirty to ninety days.  I have mixed emotions concerning her departure.  Part of me will miss her and part of me will be glad to have the place to myself again.

It has been more than a year since Billie and I broke up.  She is fading from memory, but I still feel her absence. I miss the life we were building.  Things would be so much different now. Firefly did not file the void.  No one ever will.  My life has change and there is no going back.  

When I look back at my relationships, I feel like I did everything wrong, but I don't have regrets.  There is no right.  If you listen to people like Jordan Peterson I will regret not having a relationship.  If you listen to Joker the odds of staying married are stacked against a man.

Firefly's eminent departure has me feeling melancholy.  She wants to return when she is through.  I am not sure that is a good idea.  We will have to discuss it more when she is well into her thirty days.  She likes the security of having a place to call home.  I try creating some sort of relationship around it.  It becomes a push and pull that might be more stress than good for someone fresh out of rehab.  

Getting Old

 The house holds the little warmth of the day.  The nights are cool  but we still leave the sliding door cracked.  Saturday we left our bikes at home and decided to hike the trails at our park.  The weather was perfect.  In typical fashion when going out with Tinkerbell, the T-Rex and her boyfriend the hike was over three hours long.  I feel it in my knees and legs.  Even though I ride my bike most days, doing something different can be telling.  

I am cuddled up next to Firefly.  We are both restless.  It is after midnight and she is winding down.  I am on my second wind.  We are spooned.  My hand is stroking her legs and ass.  Our legs are intertwined but my knees and legs are aching and I am having trouble laying still.  I get up, go down to the kitchen and take two Tylenol.  

When I slide back into bed I face the opposite direction.  Firefly turns with me and continues to cuddle into me until we fall asleep.  I am still pushing her to get into a rehab.  Being here is not doing her any good.  She is treading water and costing me money.  I told her I am putting the old Jeep up for sale next week.  She thinks she will be gone by the end of the week.  I will miss her when she is gone but she has to leave first.

The end of the year will coming quickly now.  I am looking forward to the change.  People think the virus will risk will be higher this winter.  I am fine with just buckling down and staying indoors.  We will see.   I want to get back to my routine.  I have been putting on weight and my stomach has been giving me some pains again.  Not bad ones but I am getting worried that it will return around the holidays.

Updates

 We have been going back to the office two days a week since July.  It is not necessary.  My customers are still working from home.  I can do 90% of my job from home.  Going to the office should be as needed but the owner is old-fashioned and figures you are only working if he can see you (though he is often not here).  

Two people in my office have come down with Covid 19.  They did not get it from each other.  We have been lucky that both started showing symptoms on the weekend and had little time in the office prior.  They could have easily spread it to others.  Friday we have office meeting.  I have a feeling the owner will be pushing for us to start coming back 3 times a week. It is not a popular idea amongst the team.

I have not heard back from the casting director.  Looks like my movie carrier might have stalled.  Maybe a lot of people responded and they don't need me.

Firefly has still not picked a rehab.  She has been doing research on line asking question on discussion boards. She is back to looking at places in California.  Last night she told me she is calling two places today.  I will be glad to see her go.  She is disruptive to my routine.  I don't think it will be a good idea for her to return when she is done.  I think I provide added stress on her. She definitely adds stress to my life.  

This year is still moving quickly.  I wanted to get a rough draft of my memoir completed by the end of the year but I have not been working on it lately.  I have been creating a list of things to do around the house for the winter months. 

Do Ask, Don't Tell

 "So, how is your little friend doing?"  Alexis asks me.  It is a leading question, but I know where she is headed.

"Fine, why?  Did Sam tell you she met Firefly?"

Alexis laughs, "Sam said, she looks like she is twelve."

"She looks sixteen," I counter. "But, I swear she is twenty."

I have mostly female friends.  Over the years, they have described my desire to date and sleep with younger women as weird or creepy.   I understand why, though they would never admit it.  Seeing a man their own age dating a younger woman cuts too close to home for them. I am not weird or creepy, though.  Several studies have shown, no matter his age, a man finds a woman in her early twenties to be the most attractive.

This means I am not out of the ordinary except for the fact that I pursue what I desire.  Most guys, given a choice, would sleep with a younger woman over an older woman.  Some guys don't have the choice because they are married, poor, or not attractive.  I don't seem to have those issues.

I just turned fifty-six.  I have not slept with a woman over thirty since my divorce fifteen years ago (my ex-wife was in her early thirties at the time.  Alexis likes to say, no girl in her twenties wants to be with someone your age.  I would agree.  Why would they want to date me, but Billie did for seven years.  

Firefly and the Gymnast both enjoy having sex with me.  They show too much enthusiasm for it to be obligatory.  Firefly doesn't cuddle up to me and stroke my chest at night because it is expected.  Our relationship is mutually beneficial, but there is a greyness to it that I don't try to explain anymore.  It doesn't matter.  I have never been in a relationship that didn't have some mutually beneficial aspect to it.

"You want me to tie you to the bed?"  I ask Firefly as I slowly kiss my way down between her legs.

"Tomorrow night, I am too tired for that tonight."

"Tomorrow?"  I smile to myself before I start stroking her with my tongue.

*     *     *

In other news, about a year ago, after Billie left, during my "don't say no to anything phase,"  I signed up to be an extra with a casting agency in Detroit.  I did not hear from them until this week.  Steven Soderbergh is filming a movie in Detroit this month, tentatively called Kill Switch.  I was asked if I am available and if I am interested in being an extra.  The role is a mob-type character. Perfect for an Italian like me.  I said yes, and I am waiting to hear back from them. It would be one more thing to scratch off my bucket list.