Love

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart... Stolen, Dashboard Confessional

Chris Carrabba knows how to write a love song. There are days when I put on songs, the music rekindles fleeting memories, and I long for the intense emotions, the craziness, the extreme highs, and the emotional rollercoaster that I am riding when I am in love.

If you are a good man and work hard to become a good provider, you will find a good woman who will love you forever. That's the reward, right? True love. If it doesn't work out, well, there must be something wrong with you.

My detractors in the comments think that relationships are not transactional. Hypergamy doesn't exist. I like this question and answer I found online this morning:

What is the prime function of marriage?

"Marriage fulfills the economic needs of marriage partners. Marriage provides the framework within which people's needs are met: shelter, food, clothing, safety, etc. Through the institution of marriage, people know for whom they are economically and socially responsible."

Ava comes back because I pay her. I invite Ava back because I like fucking her. Those are both true. Obviously, neither of us has other options. This is not true. Ava knows men far wealthier than I. Men, that offer her financial stability if she would be exclusive to them. She declines. I have not had a shortage of women to have sex with. For me, either something in the grey between develops or I move on.

I didn't plan to address this topic again until I saw the comments from yesterday's post. I find it interesting that some continue to religiously read when they dislike the protagonist. They must be waiting for the train to derail. Sorry, that happened long ago-- several times. And if it should happen again, I know I have the strength to get back on the tracks.

 I am an optimist. Like Shelby in my comments, I try to see the good in those I care about and have empathy for some that others would disregard. I think it pays off. I am not alone. If I were in need, I have a vast pool of friends I could call upon-- that is a powerful thing.

Sadly, I get more attention and fulfillment from Ava than some people get from their partners. My longest relationship, my marriage has been forgotten. I didn't take anything away from that except my children.

But, enough about this, I wanted to talk about love. There are days when I miss those feelings, but I don't want to ride that rollercoaster again. Although I am not sure I could avoid it if the coaster was in front of me and a pretty woman said, get in.

Instead, I remember the past. It is safer to recall the highlights from the best times while forgetting the bad episodes. I am thankful I have had good experiences. I know what love feels like. I feel sorry for those who don't. 

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo
The dim of the soft lights
The scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers

And the time on the clock
When we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together
And the streets were wet
And the gate was locked
So I jumped it
And I let you in

And you stood at your door
With your hands on my waist
And you kissed me
Like you meant it

And I knew
That you meant it... Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional