I am going to a wedding this weekend. My friend Alexis is marrying an old friend from high school. It is not a marriage of love. The guy she is marrying is morbidly obese, an alcoholic, and has several health issues. Alexis is marrying him because he has no heirs and has committed to signing her onto his health insurance and pension (he is a teacher and has good coverage).
The marriage will never be consummated. They will never live in the same house. Alexis is securing her future, although I think his life insurance will get wasted by her on booze and online gambling. For his part, the man faces his own mortality and fears dying alone.
The wedding was supposed to be a simple justice of the peace affair. Few were supposed to know about it, but the man has since invited twenty members of his family and friends. Alexis has invited two, Sam and me.
I warned her that this arrangement would come with a price. Alexis doesn't want the marriage to become public knowledge because she fears judgment, but I think the guy will hold it over her head. Alex thinks the guy doesn't have long to live, although he needs to live at least a year for her to get the full benefit. I warned her that the human body can take a lot of abuse and nothing is ever free.
It should be an interesting ceremony.
* * *
Ava is still in talks with a wealthy older man. He wants an exclusive relationship with her for two years. The man offered a place to live that would become hers after, a salary, and health insurance. In turn, he asked for an exclusive arrangement. She is not attracted to him. Ava is already looking for loopholes. The fact she went on a four-day trip to Florida with him and slept in separate rooms is telling. Ava and I will not be sleeping in different rooms when we travel to Tennessee.
Ava is already scheming up ways to continue seeing me. I am left to assume I give her something she knows she will lose, and it isn't financial security. The man's offer dwarfs anything I provide. He can take her anywhere, give her anything. Still, she wants to go to Hawaii with me.
Months ago, I deduced something happened to Ava four years ago. Ava lost her virginity at twenty-four. She is twenty-nine now. That relationship changed everything for her. She felt betrayed by him in some way that she would not go into detail, but she said he lost her trust.
I warned her this arrangement would come with an unspoken price and the benefits seem vague at best at this point. I warned if she was going to go into this, she should make sure it was on her terms. "Make a list of what you want and stick to them. You have more power here than you think. I doubt this will be the last opportunity you will get," were the words I left her with. Financial, she thinks it is a lot to give up, but I warned her it sounds like the same situation she is trying to escape, and she will not be happy.
* * *
I understand Alexis and Ava's motivations better than ever, but I also know that women are emotional and men are more logical. The two do not mix. The goals they want from the arrangements are not the same as the men's goals, regardless of how it is framed. You cannot buy love, and that is what these men seek. I know because I have been there. This difference in mindset will cause friction.
It has been so hard for me to get over Billie because she did love me for a time. I disagree with what Alexis and Ava are doing, but not because they take what is being offered to them. I don't think it is good for them. They will not learn to take care of themselves or live on their own terms. But, that is just my opinion-- and I think logically.
In spite of what Ava might say, she will probably take the deal. And just so you know, not all men are logical. I can give you a list of men so lost in their emotional little worlds logic rarely enters their consciousness.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem with her taking the deal. I just don't think it will go the way she thinks.
DeleteI disagree with the assessment that men are logical and women are emotional. That's a stereotype. It sounds like the women are choosing things based on logical assumptions. If they were operating on emotion, they wouldn't do it because it wasn't making them happy.
ReplyDeleteYou have some interesting acquaintances.
It is a stereo type. I, personally am a very emotional person and emotions play into each persons desire for these arrangements. The outcomes are never as straight forward as a business deal and that is the were the friction comes.
DeleteI think most people are more "interesting" than we realize. Few show their true selves and most of us are fine with not exploring what is beneath the façade.
DeleteEmotions play into everything, don't they?
DeleteYes they do. I have been overwhelmed by them. That is probably why my sex life is based on transactions.
DeleteI ran into men who is totally emotional. I hope I'm both. But your friend Ava need to see a therapist. She sound insecure and cold.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on and stay safe
Yes, yes and yes.
DeleteRegardless of how it is framed, where ever you place your dependency ultimately Controls you. Ava retained her Virginity a long time and seems to now have swung in an opposite direction, which is interesting. Seems to me both Women aren't being Emotional at all, since neither of those Arrangements will fulfill any Emotional Need they might have, it's a Union of Convenience, Business if you will, for Security alone, also Interesting, but not uncommon sadly, for a lot of Women who come to depend on a Man for their Security and Financial support. I always made more Money than any Man I ever knew so I never needed their Money, I had plenty of Options on my own Terms. Perhaps these Women thing they don't have Options on their own Terms, just my Opinion, I don't know either of them, but I've met plenty of Women similar to them... it rarely works out in their Favor, just sayin'. Marrying someone with the Hopes they drop Dead soon is really playing some Odds and if the Guy knows that's the Hustle, I can't see where he wouldn't be playing his own Hustle at their expense... it will all come at a Cost, to both Parties.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed!
DeleteMy friends and I have speculated that based on the way she hates her father, there may have been some abuse there. That could explain why ava swung in the opposite direction.
Deleteava's guy wants a monogamist relationship. That means Ava would not be able to see anyone else-- technically. And he wants to live with her.
ReplyDeleteSomehow the choice between working my fingers to the bone and being free, vs living in a golden cage, has never been a difficult one for me- and thus I struggle understanding how one would chose the latter.
ReplyDeleteEspecially since a woman's beauty will eventually fade, and with that, also the assets she has supposedly secured.
The fact I loved "the secret diaries of a London callgirl" is quite meaningful I guess.
But the beauty of freedom lays in one's ability to chose for him/herself.
I would not consider it either. I feel like Ava's mother is telling her it is a good thing, but then again she is in a marriage to a controlling man that she cannot stand.
ReplyDelete