Myths And Facts

 I find a lot of truth in these facts versus the myths propagated by the self-help industry. I got these from Sam Vaknin, who is himself, a rather colorful and questionable person.

Myths Promoted by Self Help

1- You can learn from your mistakes.

-Fact, you will likely repeat your mistakes throughout your lifespan.

2- Change is possible.

-Fact, most big behaviors are cemented by age twenty-five.

3- Your partner's past doesn't matter, only who they are now.

-Fact, your partner's past is your future.

4- Trauma is an objective experience.

-Fact, Trama is subjective. It is not what happens to you. It is how you react to it.

5- Love and time cure all.

-Fact, love, and time usually lead to loss. Love and time are risks, not opportunities.

6- Sex is an empowering experience

-Fact, only in the minority of cases, and the majority occur during the infatuation stage. In most cases, sex leads to regret and self-loathing. 66% to 80% of women and 50 % of men have negative emotions after casual sex. 20% of committed relationships are sexless because it has become an unpleasant experience.

7- Having multiple choices empowers us.

-Fact, Choice creates anxiety. People hate choice and will walk away from multiple options. People want to be told what to do by a higher authority.

8- Parents should be friends with their offspring.

-Fact, there should be a clear hierarchy.

I am a logical thinker, becoming more so with age. I depend on statistics and would rather make my decisions based on probability than the hope I can beat the odds. This isn't to say I have done this in the past or with all my recent decisions. That brings us to the second myth.

I believe change is possible if it is made a priority. Too few people are willing to put in the effort to swing the pendulum in the other direction.

I have heard a few of these facts before. I believe they are true. I also think people can sway from who they are but correct themselves. Saying, people seldom change can overlook who they were.