One of the last things I said to Billie was agonizing comes from not making a decision. Things become easier once you make the decision. Right or wrong, you make a choice, and you are no longer polarized. She doubted my wisdom, but it's true. Knowing this doesn't solve my problem.
But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy, I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy, I love ya when I fall for that
I'm weak...Weak, AJR
Boy, oh boy, I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy, I love ya when I fall for that
I'm weak...Weak, AJR
Billie consistently appears in my dreams. Wednesday night, I dreamed I was rescuing Billie from rehab. Like most of my dreams, things turned sideways, and she was missing as much as she appeared.
I have unresolved issues leftover from our relationship. My feelings are conflicting. I know our time has passed, but yesterday Billie weighed heavy on my mind. I don't talk about it much anymore. It doesn't resolve anything, and no one wants to listen.
I wrote a version of this yesterday but didn't post it. I've distilled my thoughts down to one simple truth, I miss Billie. I probably always will.
I rarely dream of people I know, or knew, and usually when I do they rarely look like the people themselves.
ReplyDeleteMine do. That is what is so haunting.
DeleteI thinks it's only natural to miss something you used to have.
ReplyDeleteWe are taught to move on. I guess that is the easier thing to do.
DeleteSometimes when someone's on your mind, it's because they have something to tell you. At least, that can be if they come to you out of the blue. Sometimes it's you that needs to say something to them. Whether to reach out or not... Sometimes that's not the best course, though.
ReplyDeleteIf I reached out to Billie, she would rely but the conversations a never the same and leave me less fulfilled than if we didn't talk at all. It is best to leave it in the past for now, and see what the future holds-- if anything at all.
DeleteWhen someone remains on your Heart and Mind the connection was Special to you and the Missing will likely always remain.
ReplyDeleteI think so too. Though I often wonder if it is the same for her.
DeleteI usually dream of people who is unknown to me. But it seems I usually have good relationship with them.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on and stay safe
Yes I have those people in my dreams too, but last night I dream of my son Max but he was a young and not my son but my brother.
DeleteAt times when you miss someone the connection is truely strong
ReplyDeleteI think Billie and I will always have a strong connection. I don't think she is gone from my life, but I could be wrong.
DeleteThere is definitely anxiety in the process of making a decision, but once I've done it, I feel better. Although sometimes I get body reactions when it's the wrong decision, like frequent stomach pain or anxiety. not a good time
ReplyDeleteWe learn from the wrong decisions. Although, it tends to take a few wrong decisions before I learn.
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