Sometimes
I feel the fear of
Uncertainty stinging clear
And I, can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
I went on a date once long ago with a girl who thought of the characters on TV shows as her friends. Imagine the depths of her loneliness. I am not sure what made me remember that conversation. I am watching The Americans. I wouldn't want anyone on that show for a friend. Usually, I use TV as an escape. The characters on The Americans are too real, and none of them are pleasant. I prefer heroes and damsels in distress, despite the fact it doesn't reflect the real world.
I listen to various YouTube channels. Some talk about improving yourself. Others talk about dating, the differences between man and woman, and the state of dating. Some of it is valuable information. Some of it is going too far down a particular ideology. I don't believe any one person knows all the answers. Often it feels like information overload, and I need to step back.
In all the talk, I feel like being yourself is missing, or at best, being yourself can be a lonely path. Physically I like who I am. I am healthy but not overly muscular. I like my hobbies and interests. It doesn't mean there are not things I am working on changing or things I would still want to explore.
I think we rarely find people who accept us for who we are. It is rarer you find people who stick with us forever.
I am reluctant to express these thoughts and feelings to those around me. I am not sure if that is due to self-doubt, or because I have yet to read, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
That everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there, I'll be there..Drive, Incubus
WHAT! You say the Characters on TV Shows aren't my Friends, say it ain't so!!?!?!? Seriously tho', having the courage to just BE yourself and true to yourself seems hard for many, so they invent who they think everyone wants them to be instead. I'm not good at being an imposter, I find it much more liberating to just be me.
ReplyDeleteYou can love, hate, admire, and desire them, but you cannot befriend them.
DeleteI think there is liberty in finding your own truth. And, that is not especially an easy thing to do. Often we don't fully know what that is or it could be changing. However, your gut will tell you what feels right to you and what doesn't. You will always feel deflated if you work at trying to be something you think people expect. You will fail yourself. Be what you want - what you are and find your groove.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like a lonely path, but I think we all have lonely paths regardless whether we are alone.
DeleteI had to laugh at the 'girl' because there are overwhelming numbers of people who are unable to differentiate fictional characters and reality, who become more intimately involved with fabricated personalities than their own family. Writers for the visual arts love these people.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think most people keep a lot of things to themselves, though, as you grow older you'll find that the art of not giving a fuck becomes less subtle.
I listen to an overview of the book. I think I will get it.
DeleteIt's hard to find those who accept us for who we are. That's very true.
ReplyDeleteYes it is. I think friends do a better job than lovers, still their are some friends that want to change us.
DeleteDeep thoughts, Bathwater, and good ones. I might need to read that book as well because I rarely am my true self unless I feel super comfortable with the people I am with. Also need to add that Incubus song to my playlist. Been a long time since I listened to it.
ReplyDeleteI like the unplugged version. I am going to get this book. I think it will be a good read.
Delete