Yesterday I worked from home. Strong winds buffeted the condo, rattling the sides and causing the building to creak and moan. Temperatures were in the thirties. Thankfully, only brief snowflakes appeared. I remained inside except for a brief foray out to the curb to retrieve the trash can.
It has been over three years since Billie moved out. Three years since I started blogging again. I have accumulated five-hundred posts since then. In some ways, it doesn't seem that long ago. Our break up was a catalyst for change for us both.
Change can be a good thing. It can seem scary, painful, and not always for the better, but often it is what you make of it. Most people avoid change. Some changes are easier for me than others. I don't have a problem switching jobs. Relationships were always harder. Relationships are closer to the bedrock that defined me. I've been working on other things to express myself-- hobbies and interests that would often remain dormant during a relationship.
I feel like I am slowing down, though. Sometimes, I ask if this will be it and wonder if it is enough. Is there still one more reinvention on the horizon, and what would it be?
I am lazy by nature. I am not sure whether it is my nature or human nature. I do my best work under a deadline. I change when the circumstance calls for it.
On a separate note, I learned today that not everyone has an internal monologue. That amazes me. I cannot imagine what it would be like not to have an internal monologue all day.
Eleven more official working days in the year.
Yes, change can be a good thing but it is hard making it sometimes because like you said it is scary. Good luck to you. I heard that about the internal monologue as well and was shocked. I just assumed everyone had one. I am grateful for mine. I think it keeps me from going crazier.
ReplyDeleteI would be interested in what it feels like not to have an internal monologue.
DeleteChange for me is harder now that I'm Older, I do like some Constants that are familiar and a comfort zone for me. That said, I try new things, I just don't like permanent Change that is forced upon me and am not given a Choice. I tend to Change when the circumstances call for it too. As for Relationships of any kind, I'm hesitant to let many into my inner circle, I'd rather be nice to all people and close to few. But, once invested in anyone, I'm Ride or Die... I'm always Surprised that most people aren't. I didn't know some people don't have an inner monologue, makes me wonder, do they perhaps have no conscience either?
ReplyDeleteThere seem to think in sounds and pictures instead of words. Some people do not have a conscience for sure, but that does not seem to go hand in hand with not having an internal monologue.
DeleteThere's always more. It's not over until they're filling in your grave. But yeah, change sucks.
ReplyDeleteI don't want a grave. Just sprinkle my ashes to the wind. I will let me blogs be the only proof of my existence.
DeleteThis weather sucks. But yeah, change is rough, esp as we grow older.
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse. Winter has not started yet.
DeleteI have a constant monologue, and I don't know if it stops even when I'm dreaming. I also never ask if this will be it, or all that it is, honestly, those thoughts never occur to me, though occasionally when I think about my age I will break into loud laughter.
ReplyDelete