Question Without Answers

 Shelby commented, "Yeah, I'd be careful. I thought I liked Ava, but the more I read, I'm turning off her.

It seems really immoral to play with this guy she is with. I can't tolerate it. Like, I'm sure he is kind of an idiot, but she's really taking advantage of him.

I'm glad you get what you want, of course. But she lies so easily."

I am having a problem with it too. Ava's sister lives in Kalamazoo, which is just shy of three hours away from here. It was her sister that recommended Ava for this house-sitting job. Last weekend, Ava went to Kalamazoo to meet the couple and see her sister. 

Tuesday night was telling about her trip. She told me she admitted to her sister that she was still seeing guys on the side. I say "guys" because Ava had a client she saw a couple of times in Kalamazoo. Ava said her sister was fine with her decision to continue seeing clients on the side and pulling her in as an excuse. Ava probably framed it as needing to help their mom financially, which she often does.

"Now that my sister knows, I can use house sitting in Kalamazoo as an excuse for us to get away," she told me. Ava tried not to mention that she told her sister because she wanted to meet up with this client last weekend. I called her out on it. 

"No, more lying. I spent too much time peeling back the onion," I scolded. Ava is more truthful with me than anyone else at this point, but lying is still her natural defense mechanism. It comes from the trauma she endured growing up and can be seen in my post, Not Far.

My ego led me to believe Ava was reluctant to give up our arrangement because she felt some connection to me. I justified it because you can see this relationship with the boyfriend has always been on borrowed time. It's sad, really. Ava doesn't have any close friends. No one she confides in. She is afraid of being judged.

I try not to judge her. I think she needs to be honest with herself before she can be honest with others. She thinks she needs therapy. She could probably benefit from it, most people can, but not if you go in with the wrong goals. I don't think you can change what you are unwilling to see.

Ava says she likes traveling with me more than anyone else. Now that she has her excuse in place, she wants to get away in October for a weekend. I like traveling with her too. We will probably end up going on a trip. 

However, Tuesday has left me more reflective. Liz A. made the comment, "Enjoy it while it lasts. This will all end someday."  I get that. Everything ends or evolves. I've never been delusional when it comes to my arrangement with Ava. Still, I am left with questions that may not have answers.