Tools

Monday, I thought I would have to come into the office on Wednesday (my work from home day) for a meeting, but my boss said he would cover it for me. This is good because Ava spent the night Tuesday, and we always stay up late into the evening.

Ava made it to the house before 7:30 pm. She wore a knee-length floral dress. With her long black hair framing her face, she looked beautiful.

We were going out to dinner. Our original plan was to go to a restaurant called J Baldwins, but I made a wrong turn, and we ended up in front of a sushi restaurant I had been meaning to take her to, so we switched plans on the fly.

We stopped off at the grocery store on the way home. Ava picked out a selection of fruits to snack on. I don't keep a large variety on hand beyond what I know I will consume. 

When we returned to the condo, we camped out on the couch and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. Toward the movie's end, I ask Ava, "Do you see any similarities?" 

She gave me a coy smile but hesitated to respond. "I'll take your lack of a response as a yes," I tell her.

Ava has two trips planned for September. She is attending a three-day conference in Ohio, starting around the seventh. When she returns, she will head out to Kalamazoo for seventeen days to house sit for a couple who own two dogs and two horses.

The new job in Kalamazoo has emboldened her, giving her an excuse to be away. Ava plans to go on a trip to Chicago with her sister on the first weekend of October, and she also wants to go back the second weekend with me. She plans on using house sitting as the excuse to get away on our weekend.

Ava indicated if she didn't go with me, she would probably be going with someone else (not the boyfriend). "You better give me first right of refusal," I tell her.

After the movie, we head upstairs. Ava spends the night. We stay up late having sex and talking. Neither of us is ready for sleep. 

It is after 1:00 am. We are spooning beneath the covers. Ava and her boyfriend exchanged love bombs over text while I gently stroked her ass. I lean in close, smirk, and kiss her neck. Ava makes an off-hand comment about having to fuel the flames.

I find it is all very disingenuous, even narcissistic, but I do not express my thoughts. Ava likes to think she is a good person. She tries to be, but I think her actions are wrong. Ava wishes things could be different. Ava would like to be honest with him, but she knows how that would go.

The thing that bothers me the most. Is that if Ava gets caught, she will try to justify her actions by saying she did it for them or for her mom. In truth, she is only doing it for herself. That is why I am saying she is narcissistic. It is hard to respect that.

She told me a bit about their sex life. Ava said he gives her all the orgasms she needs. He likes her to sit on his face, but instead of going down on her, she grinds against his face. It is a perfect analogy for their relationship. He is just a tool for her to use to get off. Ava sees all guys as tools for achieving her needs.

Ava thinks I am enlightened because I am accepting of her actions. I am enlightened because I see her for who she is, which is very different.

Relationships dishearten me. More accurately, people dishearten me. I feel there are few good ones out there. Not even myself. Free will is our greatest evolutionary advancement and the downfall of our species.