The Narcissist

 I am not a licensed psychologist, so I cannot diagnose Ava as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). However, after doing some research, I will say she is definitely high on the scale.

9 signs of Narcissism

1) They are wrapped up in their own opinion instead of listening.
2)They tend to cheat in relationships.
3)They constantly need to be admired. Need for constant adoration.
4)They do not take criticism well.
5) They exploit others without guilt or shame (lack empathy).
6) They belittle others.
7) They see themselves as more attractive than they really are.
8) They gaslight those who are dear to them.
9) They put some people on pedestals (narcissists believe they have to have perfection in everything, including people they associate with. They rub up to people higher in status, hoping the perfection will somehow rub off on them).

I have never been so close to someone who shows so many of these qualities. Narcissism is on the rise in the general population, and millennials show more narcissistic traits than prior generations. I have suggested to Ava she lacks a certain amount of empathy, but I don't think she really listened. 

Narcissists differ from sociopaths. Narcissists do not act with malicious intent. They see people as an extension of themselves, like tools. This doesn't mean I will stop seeing Ava. Understanding who I am dealing with gives me a clearer perspective.

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Saturday night, I met up with Tinkerbell and Tech for dinner. We went to a pizzeria in downtown Utica. It was great to see them. I haven't seen much of Tink this summer. While we ate pizza, I filled them in on my realizations concerning Ava. I tried explaining my theory that Ava is a narcissist while Tink interjected questions and jokes. Tink's sense of humor amplifies my own.

Sam would argue that Tinkerbell is a narcissist. Tink does have some of the characteristics. I think one of the biggest differences is that Ava does not act out of need. Ava doesn't need to be seeing me. She doesn't need to treat her boyfriend this way. She could get a normal job and work on a life together. Ava chooses not to. 

I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but once while discussing how dysfunctional her relationship is, Ava said, "I am going to make him break up with me." It shows her intention to milk the situation for all its worth and then walk away without appearing to be the bad person.

Shelby mentioned it is lucky Ava is not seeing the wrong person This is true. Narcissists tend to leave a lot of emotional damage behind and are the victims of stalkers. One can easily manipulate a narcissist by playing into their fantasies and delusions.

Remember when Ava was considering the long-term arrangement with the rich guy? He was playing into her financial fantasies. I do feel some empathy for Ava from one standpoint. She wants to go to therapy. Ava realizes she is not happy but doesn't realize why. I don't think it is for me to tell her. I doubt she would agree. If anything it would probably push her away.