Reality Blows

 It is not going well. I got those vibes from the beginning.  Firefly hit the ground running as soon as she was released.  I am not saying she started using yet, but she quickly decided she was going to do what she wanted to do.

My problem is I am a guy, and I look at things logically. She is a female and is twisted up on emotions in overdrive. Logically, I think she would want to ensure a safe and secure home environment to allow her to meet her goals bur she is not present. I see few personal changes. There is a lot of impulsive choices and questionable decision. 

I don't know how to help her.  It has only been two day, but I think staying here under the current conditions will not work for either of us. I questioned why she even wanted to come back here last night. I said, I think a 3/4 house would be better for her. She has too much freedom here.

I was up front with my expectations. Firefly doesn't seem to know what she wants. Regardless, it seems she is unwilling to do what and I don't see a reason for her to complicate my life.  It would be nice to have her around. I don't like being alone all the time, but I am not looking for a platonic roommate with constant needs and drama.

This was foreshadowed. This is something I have already learned. You cannot bargain for a woman's desire. Events that happened recently in Tommy's life  , gave me a sinking feeling because I knew things were probably going to go the same way with Firefly.  

I tend to hold on to long when diminishing returns. I don't like facing reality. Reality blows. I am not just talking about Firefly. I am talking about getting older, finding companionship, and purpose.

As the telling signs of age rain down
A single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face
That this world has forgotten

There is no reconciliation
That will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present
To drink these draining seconds

But seldom do these words ring true
When I'm constantly failing you
Walls that we just can't break through
Until we disappear...Savior, Rise Against