Friday

 Firefly laid around, healing, gaining weight, and being miserable for five days. I took her to a doctor's appointment. Her clothes remained packed in her car. I never offered for her to move back. We never discussed it.

Thursday night, she told me she was going out with a friend to eat. She showed me a set of text messages to collaborated the claim. They seemed contrived, and the ones before were deleted. I was against it but was not going to hold her against her will.

She wasn't out long, between two and three hours. If she did eat while she was out, it didn't make a dent in her appetite. She ate again when she returned home. Her persona changed upon her return. Firefly was restless and fidgety. She didn't fall to sleep. She tossed and turned and complained about nightmares. It indicated to me, she did something. 

Sometimes a lack of evidence is evidence. I search the few things she had in the spare bathroom. I found a half pack of dope or crack in a mostly empty make-up bag and flushed it. I didn't find a crack pipe. She would throw that fact back at me later.

Friday, I went to the office in the morning. "Don't go anywhere," I warned her before I left. 

"I'm tired," she complained. "I'm not going anywhere."

For being tired, she did very little sleeping. She was downstairs on the couch when I returned in the afternoon.  Firefly returned to the bedroom and watched TV but didn't fall asleep. She got up and took a shower around 5:00 p.m. It seemed like most of her actions revolved around avoiding me. "Are you going out?" I asked.

"I don't know. I am just taking a shower." 

Despite her words, it was obvious she intended to leave again. Later, she told me she was going to Applebees. "Take your stuff with you if you go out."

This started an argument. She maintained she did not do any drugs the previous night. I told her about the pack I found. It was not an empty pack. We argued over the situation. She insisted I've wanted her gone for weeks, and that was true. I never said she could move back. I feel bad when she has nowhere to go, but I feel like she doesn't make staying here a priority. She doesn't try to keep me happy, and she isn't pleasant to be around. The majority of the time is spent getting her clean.

She complains that everyone gets rid of her or that no one wants her. I thought to myself, if that is the case, at some point, you should be looking at yourself, but I don't say it to her. She tried playing on my sympathy. "I have no money for food and gas. I'm going to lose the weight I've gained."

"Firefly, you always have money." Indeed, some dude was always willing to give her money--whether for sex or for free. "You just choose to spend it on drugs."

She tries denying this, but we wouldn't be having this argument if it weren't true. This brings me back to my complaint. If living here was so important to her, she would make more effort to maintain the arrangement. She hasn't. This doesn't motivate me to continue putting up with her. 

She made sure to post images on her Instagram indicating she went back to the city to get high with the same dude she has been hanging around with lately. He doesn't have a car and uses her for rides to the city. he doesn't care about her health. Pictures displaying a false appearance of happiness.

I slept comfortably alone and enjoyed the peace.