Another Departure

So you showed me around your town
To hell again and back

Firefly went back to rehab yesterday, and it was a grueling process. The facility is outside of Las Vegas. It was not her first choice of location. I had to go into the office yesterday. She packed most items the night before, but getting out the door, was left to her. Her parents drove Firefly to the airport. As evident from the toothbrush she left behind, her focus was on doing enough dope to not get sick during the journey and not packing all the details.

This was not planned far in advance like last time. There was a critical need to get somewhere. Firefly's drug use spiraled when I kicked her out. Not that she was clean before it happened.

She keeps her fragile self-worth propped up with boys' attention. Bouncing back and for to between guys who have little going for them. I try to tell her, but my words go unheeded. It is a vicious cycle. 

She smokes crack to feel happy--a short-lived fix. She does opiates to escape. She gets hard on herself for being unable to quit, which intern increases the drug use. Add into it the boys, 

But what you don't know
Is you're too young and eager to love
Seething eyes
So you're about to get into
The ditch that you opened up

The boys do not help. She avoids the one trying to get clean because she is not. So she goes back to the one who is supposed to be the love of her life.  He is not clean. He has not been clean in the year I have known Firefly, and he drags her down into his issue. I am afraid this will happen again when she returns. 

Firefly says it won't be anytime soon--not this time. She is depressed, suicidal and needs to be with professionals. Let's hope she continues to see that while she is there.

No doubt you think you braided your own hair

so you are all grown up

Should you want to cross the line

Which way do you want to fly

Pretend that love could help you find your own way

But you got me wrong...October, Broken Bells

I am looking forward to the peace and quiet, getting back to my routines, and preparing for spring. Don't get me wrong, I like having Firefly around, but being here was not helping. My goal is for things to get boring here.  We will see how long that lasts.