You get messed up on the wrong drugs
Sometimes the party takes you places that you didn't really plan on going
When people see the track marks on her arm, she knows what they're thinking
No mother ever dreams that her daughter's gonna grow up to be a junkie...Against Me, Thrash Unreal
Firefly refers to the one-room motel where she is living as home. If that is the case it will be the third or fourth home she has had in as many months. I tell her she needs to consider getting a regular job.
"Yeah, but will regret not making the money I do now," she replies. They all say that, but drugs and time have a way of closing those doors.
A true home brings some stability to a person. Firefly has not had stability in years and she is only twenty. It is easier to spiral downward than to crawl out. She reminds me a lot of Billie. Except I don't see anyone there to save her.
Originally Posted Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Rock Bottom (partial)
Friday night I picked Billie and her new roommate (Lauren) up from the
strip club after work. We dropped Lauren
of at the motel and Billie came home with me.
Billie was energetic. She stayed
up till 7:00 a.m. cleaning and primping herself.
Her actions and her fitful sleeping that night tells me she is using crack or coke in addition to heroin. Billie
was exhausted the next day even though I let her sleep in past 1:00 p.m. She
even napped an extra hour on the couch after waking. I took her back to her motel so she could
work. I tried to make her see the light during the drive back. She was at rock bottom (or so I
thought). She wanted me to believe she
liked living day to day.
"When are you going to stop?" I asked.
"When the consequences are worse than the dope,” she replies.
"When are you going to stop?" I asked.
"When the consequences are worse than the dope,” she replies.
* * *
I should surround myself with different people. Happy people. Everyone will tell you they are happy but I don't think many are.
I can bridge the gap of wealth, age, and place with the people I am around. Not many people would. It takes empathy and wisdom. Someone once accused me of hanging around girls like Billie and Firefly because I think to feel superior. That is far from the truth and I think more a reflection of the one who said it. I hang around them because I don't feel any different and I could see myself in their shoes.
There are a lot of people out there like her, they give in to the easy.
ReplyDeleteI am beginning to relies the odds are stacked against me. I was lucky in one sense to have been with Billy for so long. Happiness comes with a price.
Deletemaybe you hang around them because you feel you can help?
ReplyDeletenothing bad in that frankly, but it might not be good for you in the end.
I think few people are truly happy this year; it is difficult to be happy in a context that is truly global for once and affects pretty much everyone.
Those who are truly happy now are probably living some very private and very good thing, like falling in love with someone who reciprocates, or getting married and looking forward to a life together, or many other things that however are very private.
I find that having something to look forward to helps, but I am also aware that changes are needed in my life in the coming year. Let's hope things get better!
I think even these private moments are flawed. People just grasping at things to make themselves feel better when in reality they are only ignoring the signs.
Delete