What Is Love

Took my love, I took it down

I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

'Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?...Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

Firefly is sleeping on her back next to me.  She is lying above the covers and snoring. She is naked except of a pair of black panties.  When she wakes I ask her, "Have you ever been diagnosed with sleep apnea?"

She looks at me confused.  "No why?"

"Because you stop breathing when you sleep.  At first I thought it was the dope, but Billie never stopped breathing."

"No one has ever mentioned that before," she tells me.

"You need a CPAP machine.  I think you were miss diagnosed."  Firefly takes Seroquel to help her sleep at night.  "You are just not getting a good nights sleep." 

"My mom has a CPAP machine, but she never uses it."

I wave my hand in the air.  "Well there you go. That proves it.  You owe me a $50 consultation fee."

*     *     *

I have not been getting a good nights sleep.  I am used to going to bed early and getting up early. Firefly does not go to be before midnight.  Her work keeps her out late.  I sleep better knowing she is home and safe.

"I am not used to someone worrying about me," she says as she collects her purse, two drinks, and various other belongings  and heads for the garage.

"I am not worried about you.  I am worried my Jeep won't return,"  I assure her, but my joke doesn't fool her.

Firefly moved in two weeks ago.  She is saving for another car.  She is saving to go back to rehab.  She is making progress in slow fits and jumps.  I like having her around.  Though it is not the same as when Billie and I were together, I cannot deny there are a lot of similarities.  It has me questioning my relationship with Billie. 

Firefly is fun but I am not in love with her.  I don't think I will ever love anyone the way I loved Billie.  Her and I were a good match.  I wonder if she ever looks back and thinks that way.

Firefly and I are going to Silver Lake Michigan for a long weekend the weekend after Labor day.  We are going to take the Jeep out onto the sand dunes.  She is excited.  She has not been on a vacation for many years.  Billie and I would always go away for a week in September to celebrate our birthdays.  This year, the vacation will be bittersweet.