Thursday, July 30, 2020

Nothing to Report

It is hard to write off an entire year when you have a decreasingly few good years left and I feel like we will be writing off more than one year.

I've started this post a few times.  At first it was going to be a recap of my weekend.  Friday, Bunny and I went kayaking.  Saturday, I went biking with Tinkerbell and her boyfriend.  We rode thirty-one miles over the course of the day.  Sunday, I did yoga in the park, than got a massage in the afternoon.  

Firefly came over Sunday night.  She is treading water, but refusing to surrender to the process. I offer what advice I can but if she doesn't make some changes she will end up in jail again.  She reminds me very much of Billy.  

I have become reclusive.  Mostly because of the virus but sometimes I wonder.  It is hard to come to terms with the fact that I will probably not have another long term relationship.  Much of my life has revolved around a relationship, finding one or searching for one.  It is what I learned growing up.  The goal to life.  You work hard.  You get married and you have kids.  It turns out, that was the worst mistake I made.  

I have no idea what direction to go next.  For twenty-five years I collected Legos thinking one day to build great things.  Lately they sit unused.  My current project is writing the memoir.  It seems more of a cautionary tale than anything. 

 

15 comments:

  1. I believe at one point in time most of us have questioned ourselves, like you did when you wrote this post... I'm glad you put it in perspective and in words.. it was very important for me to read your post this morning... Karma.. Period.

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    1. Well I am glad it help someone. We need to fulfill ourselves and it usually is not the work we do for money.

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  2. Perhaps you are being called to a more introspective journey of self-discovery?

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    1. Perhaps but I think that is a lonely journey because few people go down that path and there is no one to share it with.

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    2. Yes, it is a journey that you can take only on your own, but that's the point.

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  3. I hope you find someone that makes you happy. I am hopeful that a vaccine will be made and available in the next year. Maybe then when people aren't getting sick and the new infected numbers start to decrease, things will get back to somewhat normal.

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    1. I am not sure I want to find someone new. Not someone that affects me like Billie did. I do not want to go through that again.

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  4. There's nothing wrong with being reclusive. There are times when i really don't want o go anywhere, but not all the time.

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    1. You say that Dave but I believe it is situational, not desired.

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  5. Hi, I feel the same sometimes, things in life don't seem worth writing some days... I hope you're doing okay, if I send an email I will let you know!

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    1. I am looking forward to hearing from you. So I hope you do.

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  6. aren't you mistaking "being alone" with "being reclusive"?
    I mean it's not like you are a shut-in, but I know how living alone can be tough sometimes. It can also awesome at times?
    times are surely weird right now - stay strong and safe!

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    1. Summer is not as bad as the spring. The weather is nicer and I do get out occasionally. I used to ride my bike every day outside, now I ride it everyday inside. I don't feel like going out anymore. I would call it reclusive.

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  7. I'm curious to how the safety precautions were when getting a massage, I need to get one soon and have been reluctant about it.

    I am afraid I will end up being alone, but at the same time I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship where my needs are not being met. So, I have to challenge myself to meet my own needs, which sucks, it's really hard sometimes to listen to your inner child/self and figure out why I might react a certain way or why something immediately sparked anger and tears.

    This is probably why I've read so much this year. Lol.

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    1. It was at the salon where Bunny works. The wore masks. I an not sure how they cleaned the facility, Bunny doesn't take the virus that seriously. Numbers are creeping up again here.

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