Audience of One

I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug
You gave my emptiness a name
And you ran away
Now all my friends have gone
Maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone? Audience of One, Rise Against

I have not heard from Billy in almost a week despite reaching out to her a few times.  That is not like her, especially with all that is going on.  I have been wondering, is she sick?  Is she in rehab?  Is she in jail?  It could be any combination of the above or none of them.  You never know with her.

While I was walking around my subdivision I was think how it would be nice if I was with someone during the quarantine.   My thoughts drifted to Billy but I quickly realized she would be the worst person to be with during self quarantine.  An addict does not adapt well during a crisis.  Anything can throw her life into chaos during a normal week.  Now she is not working.  What will she do when her money stops coming in, or if her dope stops coming in.

I cannot think of anyone I would wanted to be quarantined with. The ideal person does not exist in my life.  Maybe they never did.  I never took the time to think, this is the person I could spend a year in isolation with.  I was always too busy with my day to think about eventualities.  Do you?

Billy is the closest to being that person though.  I turned a blind eye to her addiction to be with her.  I am not sure what that says about me.  I fear it says I will not find that ideal person. In the end it didn't matter.  Billy left me for another and here I sit watching the world go to hell... an audience of one.