Originally posted Sunday, August 21, 2011
Cheap Chinese
"We have
to stop, so I can go pee," she says.
I point out a convenient White Castle up ahead, "go there."
"Was that the entrance?" She asks as we pass the driveway.
"That's okay just pull into the exist like you usually do," I tell her.
"My driving doesn't scare you does it? You wouldn't be sitting in the car if it did."
"I don't pay attention, I keep my eyes focused on the pretty girl sitting next to me." Billy always looks pretty to me.
After the pit stop, we get back into her Explorer and she pulls out into traffic. We swoop up on the tail of another car. "Look at the girl, not at the traffic. Look at the girl, not at the traffic," I start repeating like a mantra and she laughs.
She doesn't like spicy food, she says it makes her sweat, but that doesn't seem to stop her from ordering it. We share a meal of glazed chicken and fried rice. The food is in a carry out tray on the console between us. We share the fork and pick at the broccoli with our fingers, occasionally feeding each other pieces of chicken.
These nights are special to us. The brief moments, the minutes that change the course of the whole day. When I get home I get a text message, "I am exhausted but my insides are still smiling." It refers to how good spending time with me makes her feel.
I point out a convenient White Castle up ahead, "go there."
"Was that the entrance?" She asks as we pass the driveway.
"That's okay just pull into the exist like you usually do," I tell her.
"My driving doesn't scare you does it? You wouldn't be sitting in the car if it did."
"I don't pay attention, I keep my eyes focused on the pretty girl sitting next to me." Billy always looks pretty to me.
After the pit stop, we get back into her Explorer and she pulls out into traffic. We swoop up on the tail of another car. "Look at the girl, not at the traffic. Look at the girl, not at the traffic," I start repeating like a mantra and she laughs.
She doesn't like spicy food, she says it makes her sweat, but that doesn't seem to stop her from ordering it. We share a meal of glazed chicken and fried rice. The food is in a carry out tray on the console between us. We share the fork and pick at the broccoli with our fingers, occasionally feeding each other pieces of chicken.
These nights are special to us. The brief moments, the minutes that change the course of the whole day. When I get home I get a text message, "I am exhausted but my insides are still smiling." It refers to how good spending time with me makes her feel.
It is a post no one wants to hear. I am documenting it because I want to keep a written record of what has been happening.
Friday night I picked Billy and her new room mate (Lauren) up from the strip club after work. We dropped Lauren of at the motel and Billy came home with me.
Billy was energetic. She stayed up till 7:00 am cleaning and primping herself. Her actions and her fitful sleeping that night told me she was doing crack or coke and not heroin. Probably because she did not have enough money for heroin.
Billy was exhausted the next day even though I let her sleep in past 1:00 p.m. She even napped an extra hour on the couch after waking. I took her back to her motel so she could work. I tried to make her see the light. She was at rock bottom (or so I thought). She wanted me to believe she liked living day to day. "When are you going to stop?" I asked her.
"When the consequences are worse then the dope."
She never made it to work that night and Sunday was Easter the club was closed. I had plans to watch The T-Res for Tinkerbell Sunday. I warned Billy she was going to be in trouble and that I wasn't going to help her out.
She was dope sick by Sunday and begging for help on Monday. Suddenly, "things are beginning to get old", she tells me.
I went to see her Monday after multiple pleas for help. Their motel is a one room upper unit. Their drug dealer conveniently lives downstairs. The girls share a bed. There is a card table with two folding chairs, a dresser and a refrigerator in the main area. Billy came outside to talk with me. I noticed a shiny new black Chrysler 200 parked next to me. At first I thought it belonged to Lauren's customer.
When I questioned Billy about the car she said it was Lauren's friend but I figured it out. It was Kevin's the same addict friend that has been hanging on Billy for over a year. He was the one who shot her up and missed the vein. He was the one that took her in when I kicked her out after her second failed rehab stay. I warned her if I saw him I was going to beat his ass. Billy didn't take me seriously. I'm not violent by nature.
Billy went to the drug dealers room. I went up to her room. Lauren was at the door. I slid past her. Kevin was sitting in one of the flooding chairs one the table was a gross collection of drug paraphernalia, dirty needles, a burnt spoon, a small metal container for holding coke.
I crossed over to Kevin, grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall. "I am sick and tired of seeing your drug addicted ass around Billy. " I raised my fist. "You loose her fucking number you understand me!"
"There is no need to get violent." He croaked out.
My fingers were digging into his neck. I wanted to take out my frustration on his face. "Yes there is, " I squeezed his neck harder and pressed his head deeper into the corner of the wall. He was like a rag doll in my grip. "You are lucky I don't beat your ass right now." My blood was pumping and I pulled a punch. "Loose her number. If I see you have been around her again I will beat your ass next time."
Kevin picked up his earphones that had fallen out of his ears and headed out the door. I watched from the balcony to make sure he did not try to call or say anything to Billy as he left.
Lauren had disappeared during the exchange, probably telling Billy what was happening. She came back upstairs while I was watching Kevin leave. "What was that about?" She asks.
"I'm tired of that asshole hanging around Billy enabling her, I've been wanting to do that for a long time."
"I've only meet him twice," She expressed her dislike of the guy. "He came here today trying to get us to hook him up with a dealer."
Billy returned, "Bathwater you can't be starting shit here." She didn't seem especially mad.
"I warned you Billy."
"I didn't think you were serious."
Since that day Billy has lost her job at the club, probably Lauren too. There are at least a half dozen other strip clubs within a few miles of that motel but there is no money to be made at any of the others. Lauren's customer paid for the first week at the motel. He isn't paying anymore.
Billy has an appointment to get on Suboxone Tuesday, but that is a week away. I have no idea how she will make it till then. She has at least a $200 a day habit. Then there is rent and food. I told her she needs to move back home. She seems reluctant to leave Lauren. Lauren needs to go back to her own parents. I've already refused a request for them to stay with me for a few days.
I've kept my distance as much as I can. I am going back to Mexico next week. I am hoping she has had enough and is back home with her parents when I return.
Friday night I picked Billy and her new room mate (Lauren) up from the strip club after work. We dropped Lauren of at the motel and Billy came home with me.
Billy was energetic. She stayed up till 7:00 am cleaning and primping herself. Her actions and her fitful sleeping that night told me she was doing crack or coke and not heroin. Probably because she did not have enough money for heroin.
Billy was exhausted the next day even though I let her sleep in past 1:00 p.m. She even napped an extra hour on the couch after waking. I took her back to her motel so she could work. I tried to make her see the light. She was at rock bottom (or so I thought). She wanted me to believe she liked living day to day. "When are you going to stop?" I asked her.
"When the consequences are worse then the dope."
She never made it to work that night and Sunday was Easter the club was closed. I had plans to watch The T-Res for Tinkerbell Sunday. I warned Billy she was going to be in trouble and that I wasn't going to help her out.
She was dope sick by Sunday and begging for help on Monday. Suddenly, "things are beginning to get old", she tells me.
I went to see her Monday after multiple pleas for help. Their motel is a one room upper unit. Their drug dealer conveniently lives downstairs. The girls share a bed. There is a card table with two folding chairs, a dresser and a refrigerator in the main area. Billy came outside to talk with me. I noticed a shiny new black Chrysler 200 parked next to me. At first I thought it belonged to Lauren's customer.
When I questioned Billy about the car she said it was Lauren's friend but I figured it out. It was Kevin's the same addict friend that has been hanging on Billy for over a year. He was the one who shot her up and missed the vein. He was the one that took her in when I kicked her out after her second failed rehab stay. I warned her if I saw him I was going to beat his ass. Billy didn't take me seriously. I'm not violent by nature.
Billy went to the drug dealers room. I went up to her room. Lauren was at the door. I slid past her. Kevin was sitting in one of the flooding chairs one the table was a gross collection of drug paraphernalia, dirty needles, a burnt spoon, a small metal container for holding coke.
I crossed over to Kevin, grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall. "I am sick and tired of seeing your drug addicted ass around Billy. " I raised my fist. "You loose her fucking number you understand me!"
"There is no need to get violent." He croaked out.
My fingers were digging into his neck. I wanted to take out my frustration on his face. "Yes there is, " I squeezed his neck harder and pressed his head deeper into the corner of the wall. He was like a rag doll in my grip. "You are lucky I don't beat your ass right now." My blood was pumping and I pulled a punch. "Loose her number. If I see you have been around her again I will beat your ass next time."
Kevin picked up his earphones that had fallen out of his ears and headed out the door. I watched from the balcony to make sure he did not try to call or say anything to Billy as he left.
Lauren had disappeared during the exchange, probably telling Billy what was happening. She came back upstairs while I was watching Kevin leave. "What was that about?" She asks.
"I'm tired of that asshole hanging around Billy enabling her, I've been wanting to do that for a long time."
"I've only meet him twice," She expressed her dislike of the guy. "He came here today trying to get us to hook him up with a dealer."
Billy returned, "Bathwater you can't be starting shit here." She didn't seem especially mad.
"I warned you Billy."
"I didn't think you were serious."
Since that day Billy has lost her job at the club, probably Lauren too. There are at least a half dozen other strip clubs within a few miles of that motel but there is no money to be made at any of the others. Lauren's customer paid for the first week at the motel. He isn't paying anymore.
Billy has an appointment to get on Suboxone Tuesday, but that is a week away. I have no idea how she will make it till then. She has at least a $200 a day habit. Then there is rent and food. I told her she needs to move back home. She seems reluctant to leave Lauren. Lauren needs to go back to her own parents. I've already refused a request for them to stay with me for a few days.
I've kept my distance as much as I can. I am going back to Mexico next week. I am hoping she has had enough and is back home with her parents when I return.
I think your posts would make a great book! It will be cathartic for you too - help with the emotional healing maybe.
ReplyDeleteJules thanks for the encouragement. It may be healing I am just disappointed that I did not chronicle more of the good years with Billy.
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