The twin's guardianship court hearing was today. My twins are cognitively impaired. They can live on their own but need help with many of life's more difficult activities. Guardianship is renewed every five years. TheEx is the twin's guardian. Her husband, the twin's stepfather, is second. I stopped fighting this long ago.
Logically, if something happens to TheEx, I seriously doubt the stepfather is going to want to take over the responsibility for the twins. They were adults before he even came into the picture. The stepdad is just a wet noodle that goes along with whatever his wife wants.
TheEx has been the twin's guardian since they turned adults. They are twenty-nine now. During her time as their guardian, she has failed to get them involved in programs that would allow them to socialize or help them get and keep a job. They are isolated. They spend most of their time at home alone.
The courts think she is doing a good job. They set the bar pretty low in these cases. I tried to get guardianship last time, but things were stacked against me. Mostly the status quo. I no longer care to have guardianship. It would be too much work to undo the harm she has done. When I say harm, I mean the quality of life, confidence, and self-reliance the twins could have learned.
TheEx would consider me a bad father. She wouldn't see her part in what was created. She would see herself as a martyr. I don't think you should get sympathy for what you create yourself.
There are few people I cannot stand. TheEx is one. Not because she divorced me. I actually thank her for that. I blame her for how the divorce affected the kids.
That's too bad. I know when I was at the adult transition center, many of those students were just getting their conservatorships for the first time (as they were just becoming adults). Keeping them active does make a difference in their quality of life.
ReplyDeleteI know but she shutdown every attempt.
DeleteThat sounds difficult. Our middle child has autism, but we decided against guardianship. She is not able to drive due to executive functioning issues, so she lives with us. She does have a part time job that I drive her to and from. Unfortunately, this can’t last forever, so we will have to figure out a new plan for 10 years down the line.
ReplyDeleteWell it is good she has a job. She probably has learned how to take care of most of her needs too.
DeleteThese kinds of situations are never easy. The courts often don't care enough to see what's really going on and just do whatever seems to be the easiest thing to do.
ReplyDeleteYes they do!
DeleteWe have several autistic young adults working in my store, and another who will be turning 65. All except one can drive, he has other issues as well. They are all very good associates. They work hard and are quite often far more reliable than certain associates who are only there for the paycheck. I find the whole thing fascinating.
ReplyDeleteOne of the twins worked at a local supermarket for a few days, but he got frustrated and instead of encouraging him, she let him quit.
DeleteI understand, I was the Guardian of The G-Kid Force for 15 and 10 Years before the Adoption finally was Approved. Used to have to recertify the Kinship Placement often and the bar is set pretty low. Both of the Grandchildren I Raised are Special Needs Kiddos so I also understand your concerns about the ability of the Twins to be self-sufficient and have the best chances of Independently Living or having the Right guidance if that isn't possible. Often Parent(s) of Children with disabilities or illnesses don't really know the best Path, I'm sure you and the ex Love those Kiddos with all your Hearts... and she may have done what she thought best and it wasn't. Dependency Issues for Children with Special Needs can be a Lifetime thing, or not, it was always my Goal IF ours could be Independent of us, that they should be as much as was possible, since, we aren't gonna be Immortals. It's a complex thing Extreme Parenting, and Divorce, and Co-Parenting... and dealing with Court Systems. I never liked complete Strangers making life altering decisions regarding Loved Ones, The System has so many flaws and caseloads are often heavy, so Caseworkers, even the good ones, are overwhelmed or jaded over time. I do hope things improve to where you feel more hopeful, the depth of our pain is often measured by the depth of our Love.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel hopeful. I don't know what will happen in the future. That is what bothers me the most.
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