Melancholy Friday

 I have started weaning off the Prednisone. I can feel its effects mentally. At least I know what is causing my depressive mood and poor sleep. Last night I dreamed of Billie. A depressive vignette of us reconnecting that I found myself diving back into over and over.

I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, the bracelets, and the beads
Nickels and dimes, yours and mine, did you cash in on your dreams?
You don't dream for me, no.
You don't dream for me, no.
But I still feel you pulsing like sonar from the days in the waves
That girl is like a sunburn
I would like to save
That the girl is like a sunburn
I would like to save
She's like a sunburn
She's like a sunburn.

I was listening to this song during my workout this morning and thinking about the past. This time each year, the small town near me, New Baltimore, has a Fishfly Festival.  It celebrates the coming out of the ground of the fishflys. A harmless little bug that lives for a day but swarms every light source at night and smells like a fish.

One year Billie and I went to the Fishfly carnival. She wore this blue patterned full-length lycra summer dress that clung to every curve of her body. /Her blond hair was short above her shoulders. She looked amazing. I will never forget that dress or the way it fit her.

Firefly is still in jail. Her court date is Tuesday, the twenty-second, but she does not feel like she will be released. She hopes the judge will send her to rehab, but that takes time and could keep her in jail for weeks. She thinks the judge will lower her bond. It would have to be very low before I consider bailing her out. I miss having the little muppet around, though, especially on days like today.

There's every good reason for letting you go

She's sneaky and smoked out

And it's starting to show

I'll never let you go.

I'll never let you go... Never Let You Go, Third Eye Blind