I meet the Hippie on the POF (Plenty of Fish) dating site. She is a divorced mom of a 19 yr old and 7 yr old. The Hippie is forty-three, twelve years younger than me but sixteen years older than Billy. She lives near where I work, and she works nights at a nearby auto assembly plant. She is petite and a bit plain.
Ironically the Hippie and Billy share the same first name. At least that prevents me from making any slips. We met for lunch at a local Coney Island. The conversation flowed well. She has a few quirks. She tends to flash the peace sign in a salute when making a comic point.
We went out a second time on Sunday, another lunch. I find myself picking the Hippie apart. Her lack of fashion sense, two baby daddies, and the weird mole on her forehead. In actuality, she is a nice person, and she does seem to like me. After three hours with her on Sunday, I found myself wanting to go home and watch Star Wars movies. I am just not ready.
This morning I was overcome by a deep sorry. I miss my relationship with Billie. I feel like I am racing to replace her. "She has moved on. I need to show I can move on also." But neither the Hippie nor Rose are really making me happy. They make me sad.
for what it's worth, I know a couple who met on Plenty Of Fish who are happily married to this day...
ReplyDeleteI am sure that it works out from some. It just doesn't seem to work out for me. I am being less active on it right now.
DeleteYou don't need to show anyone you've "moved on" especially when you haven't, and that's okay. Do you think you are being hard on yourself unnecessarily in this race to move on? Everyone grieves differently, and everyone has their own "grief timeline", you don't have to prove anything to anyone.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I am being too hard on myself. I remember a veteran strip club patron saying to me the only time he IS unhappy is when he is in a relationship.
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