Gym Times Two

 Ava and I saw each other Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday, we went to her gym and dinner. She has a membership to Lifetime fitness that allows her to bring a plus one. It is a nice perk. She is not comfortable with her body, but I have no complaints when I see her stretched out naked on the bed. Ava wants to get in better shape for summer, but she isn't putting effort into it. I know the commitment it takes to make changes, and she is striving for the figure of a model. She says she has never been happy with her level of fitness. Ava even worked at the gym for a while. I think her goals are more a mental issue than a physical need.

We went to a sushi place after the gym. Sushi is my least favorite food, but I did find something I didn't hate. I want to be more open to new things, but Tuesday, I was still moody from the events at the Hub. I was not the best company. After dinner, I took her home. It is nice that she likes doing things together outside of our arrangement, but I still find her odd.

Here is a couple of examples. Wednesday, we went back to the gym. Because I am a guest, I try to tailor my workout to the time she wants to spend there. She goes in her own direction. I see her on the treadmill, and then she disappears. I don't see her using the machines. Something she will need to start doing for the figure she wants. 

We agreed to an hour. While I was still on my second round of the treadmill, I got a text from Ava.

Ava: Hey, just left. Are you almost ready too? Haven't started the drive north yet.

Bathwater: You left?

Ava Yep. We said an hour.

Bathwater: I can change now.

Ava: I rushed for you because I thought you would be waiting for me. I am meeting you at your place to shower and then figure out dinner.

Is it just me, or does that seem weird? We met at the gym. Why wouldn't she say she is changing and leave together?

When we got back to my place, we showered separately. She showered in the spare bedroom where the Lego table was set up. I have been putting a lot of work into my project, and I was excited to show it off. While she did mention it was coming along, Ava didn't show much interest in the details. Maybe you need to be a Lego enthusiast to appreciate the details of such a large display. I am proud of the display. I was hoping she would appreciate it more.

Later, while we ate. I apologized for being moody Tuesday. I wanted to explain, but she didn't ask, and I dropped the subject. Ava has a lot of her father in her. Something she would probably hate hearing, but I see it in the lack of connection she makes.

The bedroom never seems to be an issue. Ava is willing to try new things there, but it is more a sporting event than a passionate one, but good sex is good sex and not something to give up lightly. I am used to there being more intimacy involved in the act. I am not sure she is, though; I am not sure she is capable. So, I am left with accepting her for who she is and deciding if that is enough for me. I do know the bedroom lingers in my mind the next day, leaving me anticipating more.

Am I overthinking things? 

The Hub

 I have allowed my sleeping schedule and routine to lapse during the vacation. Yesterday, I went out for drinks with Jay, Alexis, and Sam.  It was the first time we were all together at once in ages.  Those three have been friends since middle school. I was the catalyst for getting us all together, but I tend to be out of place when they discuss childhood friends and memories. I keep to myself and let them do the talking.

We went to the Hub bar, sat in a secluded corner, talked, ate, and drank for four hours. Jay made a comment concerning a girl sitting at a table across the room at one point. "Why does that girl seem so familiar?" 

I noticed the girl earlier but was not paying much attention to anyone outside of our circle. "I know," he continued, "she looks exactly like Billie-- her  facial structure, the way she walks."

I looked at the girl closer. Jay was correct. She was a lot like Billie, excepted with darker hair. After his comment, I found my gaze drifting back to the girl throughout the rest of the evening. Alexis noticed me texting and asked if I would be hooking up with Ava later. 

"No."

She was drunk by then and looking to stir things up. "I'm sure glad I don't have to pay for sex." 

I let her comment slide. There is a litany of her issues I could point out, but nothing I would have said would have been pleasant or constructive. I'm am hesitant to even bring them up here. I am comfortable, if not completely happy, with where I am. At least until a better alternative presents itself. Perhaps I will vent in a different post. 

I came home and tried to sleep, but it was still early, and I was restless. I got up around midnight, made some soup, and worked on the Lego project until 5:00 in the morning.

Shelby asked in the comments if I found Ava boring. She is less boring than an old man who sits around building Legos for hours. I miss the excitement I felt when I was with Billie. We seek out people who trigger our issues, not those good for us. The is why I found Firefly intriguing. She pushed all the right buttons. Ava doesn't trigger any of my buried traumas.

A Sneak Peek

 I picked Ava up Tuesday afternoon in Royal Oak. She is still very mysterious in some ways, but I am starting to understand a few of her motivations in other ways. We went to the Somerset Mall after I picked her up.  Ava wanted to exchange a jacket she bought for a smaller size, and I wanted to check out the pick-a-brick wall at the Lego store.

Ava found the size jacket she wanted, and we browsed a few other stores while we were there. The mall was not packed despite it being only a few days before Christmas, but stores were getting more crowded as afternoon turned to evening.

The pick-a-brick wall had disappointing choices. I ended up filling a small container with mostly dark green pieces. 

Ava's style is activewear casual. When I suggested a bohemian top, she commented that it was more her sister's style. I am beginning to think I would like this sister, but I don't go there. I feel there is a love/hate relationship between them. At least some envy or jealousy on Ava's side.

We picked up some food on the way back to the condo and cuddled up in bed to watch TV and have sex. I woke her in the morning, and we had another round of enthusiastic sex. The sleepover was nice, but I still feel like something is missing. Boring is the word that keeps coming to mind, and I don't know why. Ava is pretty. The sex is great. Still, I feel unfulfilled, and I cannot explain it.

We swung by her mother's lawyer's office to pick up a check before we went to see Matrix Ressurection. I was not impressed with the new Matrix movie. The story was pointless.  If I wrote I, I would have downplayed the video game aspect. I would have made the whole plot with Trinity a red herring and had her turn out to be a program, and in the end, I would have killed Neo in Io, with him figuring out that Io is part of the matrix and that he is no longer the one.  This would leave it open-ended for a sequel with new characters.

Sorry I have not been blogging much, but family, friends, and Legos have taken up my time. Here is a sneak peek at what I am building.  I am calling it Wolfpack Tower 2022.

The Gardens

Everyone makes pristine castles. My castle is going to be in ruins.

It is built in square sections (baseplates). Five areas are complete, and I am working on a sixth.

You need to expand it to see the details

A Christmas Carol

 I have started my winter vacation. It is two weeks without dealing with work. You would think I should look forward to retirement and an end to work, but I  think the time off means more when you are still working.  Besides, working allows me the freedom to enjoy Ava and vacations.

Saturday, Tinkerbell, Tech, T-Rex, and I went to see A Christmas Carol at Meadowbrook Theatre. The play has become a tradition with Tinkerbell and T-Rex, and we have seen it together several times. We went to a matinee. Everyone wore masks, but some people were eating during the performance. I find that to be poor manors. I give some leeway to children, but the parents were also digging into the crackling bag of snacks. So rude!

After, we at dinner at a fancy Italian Restaurant called Lellies. The food was delicious. I presented Tink with a Christmas Carol Lego for Christmas. I figured it would be a lovely keepsake of the tradition.

Last night I received a late text from Ava, but I was sleeping. 

Ava: You are not awake, are you?

Bathwater: (The next day) Sorry, I was sleeping. Everything okay?

Ava: I could use your help if you are up for it.

Bathwater: What seems to be the problem, little lady ;).

Ava: A ride to the train station--like now.

It seems the rideshare she ordered for the morning disappeared.  Ava is going to Kalamazoo for the night, but she hates driving. I was downstairs on my bike when she texted.

Bathwater: No problem, but I might be a little ripe. I was working out.

It was nice to see her again, if only briefly. She tries to fit too much into her schedule. It is part of what makes her Ava. 

In the Gladiator, on the way to the train station, I said, "At least it is good to know I didn't miss a late-night booty call."

"I can do that?"

"Of course you can!"

"Good to know."

She is planning to spend the night this Tuesday. A sleepover and then we will see the new Matrix movie on Wednesday afternoon. 

Pesto Pizza

Thursday, Ava came to the condo. She was running an hour late. That seems to be part of her persona, always running somewhere, always behind, but she devotes her attention to who she is with when she gets here. We went to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients to make individual pesto pizzas. Her's was vegan; mine was not so much. We also made spiced pumpkin balls for dessert.

It was fun cooking with her. She is slowly becoming comfortable here. Although Sienna (my cat) has not warmed up to her yet, she comes out while Ava is around, which is a step in the right direction.

We sat on the couch and watched videos while we ate. After, we stretched out together and got comfortable. I was lying behind Ava, gently running my fingers along the soft skin of her stomach. When my hand roamed upward, I discovered she was not wearing a bra beneath her heavy turquoise top. This is not something I would expect of her.

"You're not wearing a bra," I noted, pleased by the fact.

"I thought you might appreciate that."

"Oh, I do," I said while cupping her right breast in my hand and rolling the nipple between my fingers.

"I would never go out in public without a bra," she states.

Apparently, the grocery store doesn't count, but I didn't mention it. "You should. You have perfect breasts."

Ava does. They are a nice handful but firm. They do not need a bra.

"Thank you."

Ava turns toward me, so I have more access, and we kiss. It doesn't take long for her to get excited from my caresses. Ava starts rubbing her body against mine as my hand drifts into her pants. Before we get carried away, we move to the bedroom.

Once again, the sex is excellent. We continue to learn each other's likes and are comfortable just being present with each other. Ava's favorite position is face down with her ass propped up. She uses the wand vibrator on her clitoris while I enter her from behind. It is a beautiful sight and hard to resist. I am getting aroused just thinking about it as I write this.

As things wind down, we talk. Ava describes me as a ninja. You can tell I am in shape in clothes, but I am in stealth mode. Apparently, my attributes come out in the bedroom. Hey, a trophy is a trophy.

I really like this girl. She is not just all take. I am not used to this; she is not full of herself. If anything, she doesn't give herself enough credit. But, there is always a catch. This is a mutually beneficial arrangement; even though she does not stress the fact, I haven't forgotten that. Still, each encounter seems to top the last, and I look forward to each new date while wondering where this will go, if anywhere.

Perception

Firefly is out of jail and presumably back in rehab.  She was ordered to spend twenty-one days at Turning Point in Pontiac. I have not heard from her since she called me from jail. She will be spending Christmas and New Year in rehab, which is probably a good thing. Sounds like she is burning bridges as quickly as she builds them.

Ava is coming over Thursday night. We are going to buy some groceries and make dinner at the condo. It should be fun. I have one more adventure planned with her next week. It sounds like she will be out of town between the holidays.

My immediate boss has been working hard to keep me happy. He pushed for a substantial raise for me back in October and an increased Christmas bonus. He is starting to realize I am worth keeping around. He says it is because I have stepped up since the two people left, but I have not been doing anything different. It is only his perception that has changed.

"Perception is reality. If you are perceived to be something, you might as well be it because that's the truth in people's minds." Unknown

Closing the Door

I am self-aware. Firefly would say that I didn't understand her addiction, but that is not true. I am an addict in recovery. It's just that my drug of choice is a person. 

(Excerpt) It's Not Right
Originally Posted: July 10, 2012

 I can't explain my addiction to Billie. I try to write it off as only an attraction to the outside package, but that would be a lie, although I know every curve, every line, and flaw on the outside. There is also something within that draws me to her.
 
"Ever been close to someone, but miles apart? I've been there several times. You hold them tight as if you can force them closer until they whimper, and you realize you're hurting them. There's nothing that will span that distance." 

*     *     *

I wrote that ten years ago. I say I am in recovery, but every email, every text, every Firefly is just me chasing that high. I am in recovery, but once an addict, always an addict. It keeps me from getting close to someone.

And it won't matter now.
Whatever happens will be
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me
All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say...All I Want, Toad the Wet Sprocket 

Before I mentioned Billie, the psychic suggested I've been reclusive for the past couple of years. I have been. She told me I could be happy with someone like Ava, but I would always be looking for that missing passion-- that addiction (my words, not hers). 

Being in love is my addiction. Each time it happens, it is worse than before. The thought scares me, and so I avoid it. Sam says she has a good feeling about Ava. The psychic thinks I deserve to be happy. It's like telling an alcoholic, one drink won't kill you. I've said to Firefly there are many things in this world to experience. The only way to do that is to give up what you long for.

I am closing the door. Without fanfare. Without spoken truths. I have a weakness, but it doesn't make me weak, because I see it for what it is and I am not giving in.