What Will Tomorrow Bring

 And we can find new ways of living make playing only logical harm

And we can top the old times, clay-making that nothing else will change
But she can read, she can read, she can read, she can read, she's bad
She can read, she can read, she can read
Oh, she's bad

It's different now that I'm poor and aging, I'll never see this place again
You go stabbing yourself in the neck...Obstacle 1, Interpol

After weeks of me push, Firefly is set to leave this Friday.  Dallas, Texas is her destination.  She will be there for thirty to ninety days.  I have mixed emotions concerning her departure.  Part of me will miss her and part of me will be glad to have the place to myself again.

It has been more than a year since Billie and I broke up.  She is fading from memory, but I still feel her absence. I miss the life we were building.  Things would be so much different now. Firefly did not file the void.  No one ever will.  My life has change and there is no going back.  

When I look back at my relationships, I feel like I did everything wrong, but I don't have regrets.  There is no right.  If you listen to people like Jordan Peterson I will regret not having a relationship.  If you listen to Joker the odds of staying married are stacked against a man.

Firefly's eminent departure has me feeling melancholy.  She wants to return when she is through.  I am not sure that is a good idea.  We will have to discuss it more when she is well into her thirty days.  She likes the security of having a place to call home.  I try creating some sort of relationship around it.  It becomes a push and pull that might be more stress than good for someone fresh out of rehab.