Sunday

Saturday night, we received more snow. By Sunday afternoon, the roads were clear. I went to lunch with Sam on Saturday. We went to the Engine House in Mt. Clemens for a bowl of French onion soup. 

Ava texted me on Saturday, saying she was sick and probably wouldn't be able to come over Sunday. Ava said she would let me know either way. Sunday night, I was watching TV in bed when she called. I quickly jumped into the shower and picked up some agreed-upon carryout from Noodles & Co.

I meet Ava in the shopping mall parking lot around the corner from my house. Part of a new level of secrecy. She didn't want to drive to my house. Ava can explain being at a shopping mall. She is always shopping. Her boyfriend has caught her in lies and tightened the screws. Nothing stops her, though.

"He's paranoid because when we (her and the boyfriend) started seeing each other, I was seeing other people," Ava tells me.

He's paranoid because his gut tells him you are still seeing other guys, I think to myself, but don't say. Ava wouldn't see it that way. She toned her antics down for a few weeks, but it certainly didn't last. Ava just dismisses his feeling. It's pretty cold. When he was happy and didn't have a clue was one thing. Now, it seems like mental cruelty.

Sunday night, he was at home watching dogs while Ava was out. "I split the money with him," she says. The guy makes six figures. I doubt he wants to spend his Sunday night watching dogs while his girlfriend is out galivanting around town. 

Ava hops into the truck, and we head back to the condo to eat. She carries a bag of hair products with her. Things she bought earlier-- shampoos and such. Ava already has more than enough products in the spare bathroom. Still, she leaves the new ones behind. She is a shopaholic. I'm sure she has no room for more at home.

Ava uses her shopping addiction as one of the reasons she needs to keep seeing me. The reasons she continues to see me have more to do with entitlement and the thrill. I don't take any of them to heart. She is opportunistic. She makes for a horrible girlfriend but a good travel companion. It leaves me wondering how much of the former flows into the latter.

Though our time is short, she deals me, "this is the most fun I have had in weeks." Personally, I would have enjoyed a bit more time. Ava tells me she will be busy between work and dogs the last two weeks in February, but she wants to pull off an overnight or a weekend together soon. 

 Max has a new job. He will be working on a demolition crew making $20 an hour. That is not bad starting pay, but it will be hard work. He needs some routine in his life. I think he will be doing this while he tries to get into an electrical apprentice program.

Speaking of routine, I need to get back into mine. I have been stuck on a building in my Lego project. I need to either take it down or order more parts. I am going to decide this weekend. Both will probably be in order. 

We are supposed to get more snow this weekend. Hopefully, it doesn't interfere with Ava and me getting together. She has yet to confirm plans, but I am sure she will reach out one way or another. She is good about that.

This work week has been slow. My counterparts are all on holiday for the Chinese New Year. This means the next week or so will be busy with us catching up on projects. Then hopefully, I will have a lull until new programs start coming up.

Snowfall

 We received our first significant accumulation of snow yesterday, about five inches. I worked from home and watched the snow fall. We are getting more over the weekend, but nothing should interfere with a typical day.

This was the view from my balcony.

I received some snaps from Ava yesterday. She wants to get together this weekend. Plans are still formulating. 

Ava: I want to try to pull off an early dinner with you this Saturday or Sunday. I will know by  Friday.

Bathwater: Sounds good. I want to hear about your new job.

Ava: We can just do takeout because I can't stay long.

Bathwater: I would still enjoy seeing you.

Ava: Yeah, it would still be nice to chat, even if we only had time for Starbucks, I agree.

I am looking forward to seeing what will unfold on the weekend.

Choice

They say misery loves company
We could start a company and make misery

Frustrated, Incorporated
I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to see
Put me out of my misery
I'd do it for you. Would you do it for me?
We will always be busy making misery.

I know this post is taking on both sides of the conversation in my head. I read a platitude today, train yourself to take nothing personally to save yourself from 99% of mental problems. It can be hard not to take something personally when it affects me adversely. I try to think of it this way, people make choices. It doesn't mean that one choice is better than the other, just different.

Sometimes though, I find myself hoping their choices turn out to be wrong or worse than the option that includes me. I should be hoping for the best for them (see the above platitude), but misery likes company. Maybe that is why they made the choice they did.

Now, did you satisfy your greed?

Get what you need?

Was it only envy?

So empty

Frustrated, Incorporated...Misery, Soul Asylum

A Snapshot of January

It is hard to believe it is time to post a snapshot of January 2023, but here it goes. 

 In homage to Sarah H. at Death Wears Diamond Jewelry, who is no longer blogging but is missed.

Listening…  AJR and my 2022 Playlist on Amazon

Reading…  Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson, but I do not like it

Watching…  House, I have a lot in common with the main character.

Creating … Things are slow on the creative front....still.

Hoping… I find someone new to waste time with.

Buying… I have managed not to buy anything lately. Second month in a row!

Loving...  Chocolate chip cookies lately.

Planning… On preparing my taxes soon.

Missing… Ava's booty calls. It has been a while since I have seen her. I haven't heard from her for almost 3 weeks now. I am not sure I will anytime soon.

Feeling… Like isolating for the remainder of winter. We will see.

Weekend

Tinkerbell: Thank you for helping me not spiral yesterday.

Bathwater: NP. We should get some drinks this weekend and forget about the week.

Tinkerbell: I'm going to stay in. Get everything situated.

Bathwater: Well, maybe I could use a drink and a night out.

Tinkerbell: Okay, how about Saturday?

I pulled myself out of the condo, drove across town on Saturday, and met up with Tinkerbell and Tech for dinner. It was good to see them. I always have fun catching up with them. Tink's director wrote her an email last week downplaying her review, so she was in a better mood. She will keep her eyes open for something else but feels more comfortable with her current job.

Friday, I met up with a girl from SA for drinks at Hopcat downtown. It is a hipster bar with craft beer and little else to recommend. Emma was 27 and beautiful. A bit out of my league, though. We had a great conversation, and it seemed like we would get along, but I have yet to hear from her after. She is the first woman from that site I wanted to continue seeing that didn't feel the same way after getting drinks. A clear sign I am getting too old for this.

Analyzing the meet after. There were telltale signs. I think she was interviewing multiple people that night. She stayed after I left the bar. Saying she was meeting up with friends. Emma had a wonderful smile but not a good poker face. Little micro expressions kept appearing. I was too enamored with her at the time to take more head. Still, it was a good meet-up.

While we were out, Tink said, "I hope you find someone soon. You are happier when you have someone." Her statement is true, but I should get used to being happy without someone. That is what the future will hold.

I spent Sunday watching House and snow falling outside. Something I am more familiar with.

Just Don't Need It All

He wants to dream like a young man

With the wisdom of an old man

He wants his home and security

He wants to live like a sailor at sea

Beautiful loser, where you gonna fall?

You realize you just can't have it all

He's your oldest and your best friend
If you need him, he'll be there again
He's always willing to be second best
A perfect lodger, a perfect guest
Beautiful loser, read it on the wall
And realize you just can't have it all
You can't have it all. You can't have it all
Oh, oh, can't have it all...Beautiful Loser, Bob Seger

I have had much on my mind lately, but I have not been able to articulate it. When I go to dinner with Sam, I am silent. I've noticed I gravitate to a certain type of person, whether it is a woman or a man, they tend to have issues that trigger my deep-rooted childhood.

A coworker said to me today, "You are lucky I like you."

I replied, "No, you are lucky I like you. Whether you like me or not has no bearing on my job."

I have not heard from Ava in two weeks. It will be interesting to see how long it will be before she reappears. If she even does at all. Hopefully, she gets this new job sorted out and makes time to slip away.

Tinkerbell called me twice last night. She received a bad review from her bosses. The major complaint was that she didn't get along with her coworkers. Tink is a good worker. Her staff like her. The people in her groups like her. The managers on the same level as her are older. I think they are intimidated by Tinkerbell. Although, getting along with others has never been her strong suit.

I find it disappointing that she ignored me over the holidays only to reach out when she was having a bad day. She didn't mention any other problems, but maybe she is suffering from the same seasonal blues.