Each day away from Billy feels like I am being punished. I want to hold her tight, cry into her shoulder and not let her go. That has not happened. Friday before Christmas my stomach was hurting pretty bad. I tore the house apart looking to see if I could find any dope Billy may have left behind. Even though I looked through the couch before that is where I found remnants of her. There was a rolled up twenty dollar bill in the cushions. It was her preferred tool for snorting dope and under the couch there was a rolled up ball of dis-guarded foil and and one pack of dope.
I consulted her over text messages. "If it is white then it is the strong stuff." She texted me. She meant it was fentanyl.
I placed a few granules under my tongue to take the edge off the pain. The shit is strong but I am careful. My stomach pain has subsided some since then. I keep it at bay with heavy doses of Mylanta. It is the only thing that seems to help. All the testing has come back negative. Perhaps I am doing this to myself.
I did not text Billy during the holiday. The memories are fading but I miss her presence. There is no going back. I thought I did not want to go back. Now I am not so sure.
I'm not familiar with your story, but seems like Billy is a very important character. I'm sorry, break-ups suck. I read the post before this one, you said you had a test scheduled for the 27th, how did it go?
ReplyDeleteIn a romantic world Billy was everything to me. In the logical world she was the wrong person for me and the relationship was destined to fail. Still, I miss her.
DeleteUgh, this stomach thing sounds terrible, I hope they figure it out soon, but I don't have much faith in doctors anymore. At least none of the ones I've found in Texas. Be careful with the strong stuff, hope you have a painless New Years.
ReplyDeleteYes the stomach issue is getting no better. All the tests are negative but the trouble is still there.
DeleteThere just happens to be fentanyl in your couch cushions? Don’t buy it; you need some practice in fictional writing.
DeleteS my ex girlfriend is an addicted she and I lived together for over 5 years. She snort heroin and late fentanyl for close to ten years. 12 to 20 packs a day depending on her level of addiction at the time. It was not unusual for her to drop packs around the house. I have never had to fictionalize my life it has been fucked up enough.
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