Low

The night before New Years Eve a dusting of snow covered the ground.  The Gymnast came over, late as usual.  The sex with her is good.  She does not lift my spirits, though.  I want more.

New Years eve the snow flurries continued throughout the day without any accumulation.  It was a bitter cold day.  I forced myself to Walmart to pick up a few things.  Once I got home I made myself some broccoli and noodles.  My stomach didn't care for them though and it bothered me for several hours after eating.

All my tests are coming back negative.   My gallbladder is fine.  I do not have an ulcer or acid reflux but something is still very wrong.

In the beginning of 2019 Billy and I were looking at houses and talking about moving.  We were making plans for the future.  What a difference a year makes.  What a difference a few months make.

Before Thanksgiving I thought I was making progress.  Now I feel like life is at its lowest.  I took my health for granted.  I bragged I was the healthiest in the family.  I don't even have that anymore.

Will 2020 bring better times?  I  need to find my way again.  It would be easier if I was healthy.  I wish I could erase Billy from my thoughts.  My resolution, is to try.