Morning Messages

Tuesday morning, I was driving to work. A familiar face popped up on my display screen while I was backing the Jeep into a parking spot. It was Billie sending me a text.

Billie: Hey, haven't talked to you in a long time..hope you are doing well.

Bathwater: I am doing okay. I was just thinking about you too. How are things with you?

Billie: I'm doing really good, you probably wouldn't believe it, but I'm pregnant, due in September, and off fent!

Bathwater: That's great! I am glad to hear it. I know that is what you've always wanted. I am happy for you. A September baby suits you. Are you having a boy or a girl?

Billie: Yes, I am excited. It is a big change for me. A girl. I have been able to build up my credit, help with getting a new roof, furnace, air conditioning, and cut trees down. It's a good feeling. How are you, though?

Bathwater: You will be an excellent mother, Billie. You have a good heart. I went on a few road trips in April. Went exploring caves in Tennesse and then Kentucky. I am making the best of things, but it's not been ideal.

Billie: That's good. I am glad you are getting out. What do you mean it hasn't been ideal? Have you been able to find someone?

Bathwater: I've found a series of temporary someones. They seem to fizzle out at the most inopportune times. Like summer :). I am not holding out much hope, but that's okay.

Billie: I wish you could find a person that genuinely cares for you. You deserve that...and it is not impossible.

Bathwater: I went to the psychic a few weeks back. She painted a bleaker picture of how you were doing. I am glad it is not so. But then, I will have to take any good things she said with a grain of salt. I think the problem is I don't want to care about anyone else, but I am truly happy for you.

Billie: Thank you! I really just wanted to fill you in on all the changes happening, they seemed so far away at one point, and now things are falling into place. I still have to deal with stress often, but that is the same for everyone I guess. I just really wish you would find the right person for you. I have a feeling you are still looking in the wrong places.

The conversation went on. At points, it sounded like the Charisma Exercise, which was good to hear. I am glad Billie is doing so well. So much for the psychic?

 

Memorial Weekend

 It is Memorial Day, and I am delaying going on a solo bike ride by writing this post. Saturday Alexis texted me asking if I would replace some items in her bathroom. She fell and took out the toilet seat, shower curtain rod, and tube spicket. She claims alcohol was not involved, but judging from the bruises all over her body and the destruction, I doubt that to be the case.

Her husband of convince bought the parts to replace the broken items but managed to get the wrong ones. It took three trips to Home Depot to get the right parts. Her hubby was in Frankenmuth with an ex-girlfriend. Alexis was out drinking with a male friend. I've stopped asking. I will probably do a whole post on people next week.

Sam and I went biking on Saturday. Her bike is old and not suited for her anymore. We made it halfway on our ride then she started to complain about her arms. I suggested we switch bikes. Mine is a comfort bike. What I told her she should be riding. It made the difference and we road for another five miles.

After, we met up with Jay and his wife for drinks and a light meal. Jay's wife works in finance. She was telling us how her company is pandering to the woke culture on the left. Everyone has a group and they are encouraged to participate. It can be detrimental to your career if you don't.

Unironically, there is not a group for old white guys. You would be scorned and laughed out of human resources to suggest such an idea because we have been privileged our entire lives and cannot possibly be faced with any issues. Obviously, we do not deal with cancer, aging parents, high rates of suicide, and labels. We are asked to understand others, who do understand us. 

I think there is a lack of understanding all around and we are all being sold a lie. I am going to take that bike ride.

Lessons Inked In Latin

Friday morning, I published my post and was reading other people's posts. John, at Going Gently was discussing turning sixty and what he has experienced over the years. #7 Actions, not words, is a phrase I have tattooed in Latin as part of the sleeve on my left arm, "acta non verba" along with several others that I would be wise to remember.

My sleeve and my back tattoo are a collage of life lessons displayed in cryptic images of cherubs and devils. The phrases (in Latin) include:

Remember to live.

I suffer, but I shall overcome.

What nourishes me, destroys me.

Don't waste your time saying that is not fair.

Actions, not words.

Pain for its own sake.

The title of this blog is also Latin. Felo de se was used to describe a person who took their own life. I have used the title for several years. There were times I believed that would be me one day. Today I prefer the translation, felon of oneself, or victim of oneself (victima de se). Placing the responsibility for what befalls me in life on myself rather than others.

My sleeve depicts a mixture of innocence, indifference, and pain while my back depicts controlling my demons.

I feel like it is time to add on.

Psychic Reading- Part V

 I saved this installment of the Psychic reading for today. The Friday before Memorial Day weekend 2011, I first met Billie. We have talked about Billie in the past. The Psychic could have looked back at her notes, but the Psychic sees hundreds of people a year. Does she keep notes on all of them? 

"I do like to ask about other people. My ex, her name is Billie. I just want to check in on her metaphysically. I don't check in with her much on the physical stream anymore. But there is a deep connection between us. I have always had trouble disconnecting. I'd just like to know how she is," I told the Psychic.

"Okay, you know what, I feel like she looks a lot older than she is. She's not the same person she used to be. Her face looks sunken in. I feel like she's on the thin side."

"She always has been," I say.

"Yeah, but you know what, see, sometimes I don't think she really eats, and I feel like she looks skinny and needs to put on a little weight. That's what I would say. I feel like there's a guy in her life, and he tries to take care of her. That I do."

"You know, like when somebody has an addiction problem-- like if somebody gave her painkillers. She would keep taking them. She likes the way they make her feel. When she's doing this. It relaxes her. When she's not doing that, I feel like she has a lot of anxiety-- a lot of anxiety. And she's like paranoid, you know, nervousness."

"I do see in the future you are going to, I don't know, reconnect with her or someone who knows her. Just saying something like, how is she doing? I do not see her living till she's old. She needs to be careful of someone hurting her. It's not the guy she's with. I don't know, sometimes I think she's not with good people. That's what I pick up with her. There's a female in her life, and I think it's somebody connected to family and also, it's someone that she's talking to more, and I think a while ago they weren't talking. So, developing a relationship there."

"I don't think she's been feeling well. So, just not feeling good. That's what I pick up with her."

"Should I reach out, or not reach out?" I ask.

"NO, because then you will have another one, another person. Like I said, she's got this guy that takes care of her. I really think she tries to stop it when you say addiction. I just feel like, I don't know, I don't think she can. She's getting older. She doesn't want her life to continue like this, and the problem is that she might go from one addiction to another one. You know, like pills. But she is thinking, well, this is better than what I used to do, and I think there's someone around her that drinks a lot."

"Like I said, she's okay."

I laugh nervously, "she doesn't sound like it."

"I know, but I see her being in a home. I see people stopping over. I feel like they all do the same thing. I do think she tells herself I shouldn't do this. She's very smart person, but it's taken hold of her. It's controlling her life, and I think things are starting to hit her more because I think she looks in the mirror and is like, who is that person. I don't think she did that before. And now, she's like, I better do something about this, or it will kill me."

"So, do I see her being this way for the rest of her life? I don't. I don't. I don't see that. I think she's so hard on herself that she wouldn't want to reach out to, let's say, family or people that she used to talk to before because Billie doesn't want them to see her like this, and she thinks they are not going to want her around anyway. What keeps happening is that she's in a circle, and all these people are just doing what she's doing. I think someone that comes around her has a child that comes around. But this other person is taking care of her."

The Pyschic's words make it sound like this guy is not taking care of her, but sometimes I wonder if I did any better. I would rather hear Billie getting married and thinking about having a baby than this.

Billie is a memory now. A lesson best not repeated. There are days I miss her, but those are fewer and further between. Perhaps the Psychic was correct when she said, "you are more accomplished in life than you thought you would be."

I hope everyone has a good holiday weekend.

Psychic Reading- Part IV

I have never mentioned Max to the Psychic before. So, we have never talked about him.

 "Any other questions?"

"My son Max, what do you see for him?" I ask.

"Alright, let's see. I think he gets indecisive. You know, and I think he's a people pleaser. What I mean by that is, let's say his mom said something like you are doing so good in school or a sport. Max is thinking, I really don't want to do this, but I think he'll keep doing it because it's making her happy, that's what I mean."

"I see him being more on the quiet side. If you ask him-- Are you doing okay, Max? He'd say—yes. Anything bothering you? Nope. I feel like he has always going to be that way."

"I see him being frustrated and confused. I think the two of you have a special bond. When I say, you go slow with him… it's like if you are with him and he is quiet, you don't bombard him with questions. I think you go at his pace. Sometimes, it is quiet when you are with him, but that is just how he is".

"There's a female around him. I don't know if it's the mother, but there's a female, and it's like I think he's very connected. I mean connected to where-- let's say if she was going on a trip, I think he might have anxiety. He'll always be close to her, and honestly, I think in a past life, I think he was her father in a past life. You know, because I don't always see her making smart choices. Do you know what I mean? I feel like when you put them together, he'd be the one making the right choice."

"He's not dating anyone," I tell her.

"No, I want to say it's a female like either mom, grandma, or someone in the family. I think there is karma there. Let me put it this way. Let's say, 10 years from now, if she makes a wrong decision, he will intervene and help. I am going to say it is not going to be good for him because sometimes she can be a train wreck. He will take on the role of rescuing her."

The only female in his life right now is his mother.

"I don't see him getting into a relationship anytime soon. He doesn't like a lot of change. He's like, if things are consistent, I'm good. That is just how he is."

"When he sees something that he wants to do, I think he does it. He has a lot of drive. He gets that from you. He just doesn't like talking about his feeling."

"When he does get into this relationship, not at the beginning, but I think he's going to talk more as time goes on. I see the woman a woman in his life getting him to open up and talk more. I do see him always being close to you."

I think it is fascinating how she describes Max. She is very correct. She doesn't point out health issues or any problems in his life. And honestly, he doesn't have any right now. 

Booty Call

I have two more posts concerning the Psychic drafted. I'll get them out before the upcoming holiday weekend.

Tuesday and Wednesday I was scheduled to travel to the land of Farms, Cemeteries, and Dollar Stores (rural Michigan), for work but it was postponed. I messaged Ava and asked if she wanted to join me at yoga at 7:00 pm. Ava usually takes her mother to her doctor's appointments on Tuesday. So, it is a convenient time to slip away.

Ava said she didn't have time for yoga. She needed to be at her boyfriend's by 9:00 pm. She indicated she might have time for dinner or cuddling. I told her we could do dinner. I didn't want a rushed session in the bedroom and Ava is usually late.

Closer to dinner, Ava texted me and indicated her mother wanted to get dinner with her and canceled. We made plans for a sleepover the following Tuesday. I went to yoga, made dinner, and settled in for the night. I took a couple allergy pills to help with the fluid in my ear (with the warmer weather, my ear has been bothering me). 

It was after 10:30 when I realized I left my phone in the Jeep. I went down to the garage, recovered my phone, and noticed Ava had just sent me a message.

Ava: Hey

The simple message was uncharacteristic for her.

Bathwater:?

Ava: Would you like to get together tonight? My plans changed, but I need to know now.

Bathwater: Sure

Ava: Okay, all I have to do is shower. I'll keep you posted.

I was a bit groggy and out of sorts from the allergy pills, but I jumped into the shower. Ava usually sends me a text with a time to pick her up. Fifteen minutes after her last text, while I was putting on clothes, Ava rang the front doorbell. 

This was also uncharacteristic. If she was driving here, I figured she would give me a warning so I could open the garage door for her. I greeted her awkwardly, before recovering and pulling her in for a hug. 

"This is that late-night booty call I always asked you for," I joked.

Ava showered at the condo and joined me in bed. She steered the conversation away from her relationship and talked about the nightmare her current side hustle turned into over the weekend.

Ava spent the night. We stayed up late into the evening, before curling up beside each other and falling asleep. I woke early, leaving Ava tucked beneath the covers in one of my tee shirts. Sienna and I tip-toed around the house. Wednesdays, I still work from home. I answered emails and started this post before waking Ava at 9:00 am. 

Ava wanted to run up to TJ Max in the morning. Her weakness. She loves shopping and TJ Max is her favorite place. She thinks everything there is a bargain. Ava had her hands full at checkout. Most were things she didn't come in to purchase.

"Maybe you could feed your urge to shop and then just return items," I suggested.

"I have never returned anything. Everything I buy I end up using."

I find that hard to believe. I think Ava has a pile of goods labeled someday packed away in her parent's basement, but I didn't press the issue.

We returned to the condo and kissed quickly in the garage. Ava went off to complete her shopping and I returned to my computer.

Updates And Psychic Reading- Part III

My scheduled trip to Mackinaw will be either postponed or canceled. The original dates have turned into Tink and Tech taking T-Rex and his friends up to the island with other parents. It would not be the same as the original plan. I am disappointed. Tink said we adults would either go in September or head to Chicago instead.

Last weekend I went out with Sam Friday and Saturday night for dinner. Sam wanted to listen to my psychic reading. She agreed with me. The psychic was on point in her descriptions of the people I asked about.

Sunday, Sam wanted to go for a bike ride. It was overcast and had rained in the morning. The temperature was cool. Not ideal for bike riding, but I dragged myself away from watching season three of Deadwood, put the rack on the back of the Gladiator, and went to pick her up.

We took the bikes out for about an hour. Sam had worked a long week and had not gotten out on her bike as much as she would like, but the temperature continued to fall, and without the sun, we were through.

*     *     *

 The Psychic was a bit harder to understand when it came to dating. She was talking about Ava and me going on a trip when she sidetracked.

"You want to know what's interesting when you go on trips, you meet people. You talk to people. I don't know if this has happened yet. If it hasn't, it's going to happen. You are going on a trip, just talking to people, and then suddenly, here comes this one woman. It's like you two are talking, and you're going to be thinking, god, we get along so well that I feel like you're going to be attracted to someone."

You're going to be thinking she is probably with a boyfriend or husband, but I don't think she is. She might be with a group of friends. I don't see you like seeking it out. I just see you sitting there and being sociable. I want to say I don't see this person being from Michigan. So, that's one opportunity. I know it is somewhere warm because I can see you in short sleeves. I feel like you'd be staying where people go."

"Now, sometimes, when I talk, I pick up more. I don't know if this is such a thing, alright, but there's a place you're going to go to more frequently because you really like being there. Now, it's funny, like when you keep going somewhere, they start giving you perks and other things? I can see that happening. I sit here laughing. It's almost like getting discounts. When I say I know you go back, I can feel there's this one guy you talk with, but I think he works there. When I see him, I think he's kind of like black hair, and it's a little bit wavy, and I want to say probably like maybe no turn 5 foot 10, and I feel a little stocky, not heavy."

This feels like the past. She is talking about me going to the strip club and talking to the restroom attendant. He doesn't work there anymore.

"Like I said, it's like going back to the same place, and let's say if something happened a year from now and you're like, Oh my god, it's this place I keep going back to because I like being there. This is the thing I want you to remember, you're going to be going there again with a new lady."

I took Ava to the strip club.

"So if you start saying, oh keep going back here, because I think you like trying different stuff."

There was more that was disjointed. I am not sure if it was the past or future, but it sounds vaguely like a strip club.

"So, if you are drawn more to a specific place, I can see you taking a new lady."

"When I say talking to a new person, you don't like to feel fenced in. Part of you likes to go out, and the other part likes your private. It's about 50/50. So, with you with your private time, you are quieter, and you just want peace. Now when I say the other part of you like going out and doing things, it's like a club where people are at and everybody talking. I feel you meet a female, but it's not like where people are having dinner. It's a place where there are many people and people are talking, and then I just see you talking to somebody. Just talking and then numbers and then hanging out. So I could see that."

"So, if you said to me, Donna, when will it happen? I'm going to say sometime between mid-summer and the end of winter. So, it's not that far off. So, it's less than a year. When I say that, I know you'll meet someone else. I want to call that casual. You know? Because when I call that casual, it's the one I see mid-summer that's more serious. That's what I mean."

"The one around you now, she's still going to be around. You know what? I really feel this one around you now will get so frustrated because of this other guy."

"Any other questions?"

"All this other intrigue with relationships and women always seems to come. I never think it will, but it does," I tell her.

"So EVERBODY that is there, I feel like they are going to be pushed aside because there is someone new coming in. This person is going to be more stable, and you're going to be looking at this person more permanent, but you are just going to take it slow. I feel like she's got a job. She is stable. I feel like it's something that you want, but part of you thinks, I don't know if it's ever going to happen. Then you're like, what am I going to do about this one? What am I going to do about that one? That's what I see going on. So, I want to say, just hang in there."