Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Miss You

 Where are you?

And I'm so sorry.

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight.

I need somebody and always

This sick strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting every time.

And as I stared, I counted

The webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides.

 

Like indecision to call you

And hear your voice of treason.

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Stop this pain tonight.

 

Don't waste your time on me.

You're already the voice inside my head.  I Miss You, Blink 182


This is the index card taped to my bathroom mirror.  It has been there for about a year now.  It says, "Just because I miss someone, doesn't mean I need them back in my life.  Missing is just a part of moving on."


Missing someone is not enough to fix the past.  Missing someone is a waste of energy.

Today is Billie's birthday.  She turns twenty-eight years old.   I will not be contacting her.  Phoenix said he was a hopeless romantic in the comments a few posts back.  I was once too.  Not anymore.  I know if I focused on Billie she would come back into my life in some dramatic love triangle.  I don't need that.  I don't deserve it.  I hope your life is everything you wanted it to be.  But then again, it was everything she could possible hoped to have, and it wasn't enough.


10 comments:

  1. A friend of my put a similar reminder on his refrigerator during the lockdown, "you're not hungry, just bored."

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    Replies
    1. I am not having a problem with the refrigerator...yet. I am managing to maintain.

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  2. Replies
    1. True some are more destructive than others. Billie is no longer an addiction. I think it was a good relationship.

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  3. No truer words have been written on the subject at hand.... Thanks for reminding me ..once again.... !!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I am not sure if they are true or if they just sound good. Either way, moving on is all we can do.

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  4. I think one of the most important things that you wrote is "I don't need that. I don't deserve it." Your relationship with Billie reminds me so much of a relationship I had a long time ago with someone viciously toxic, but I kept thinking he would turn back into who he was when we were happy. It's a dangerous trap to be in. The day I got angry and decided I needed better was a big change for me. And now I sound like a corny therapist, ha ha.

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    Replies
    1. I am not sure if Billie is vicious or toxic. Not sure what direction she will go. I just know I cannot let her back into my life and that is the saddest part of all.

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