Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)...I Miss You, Blink 182
It is songs like this that still bring a lump in my throat. This weekend I hung out with a few friends. I rode my bike a few times and took the top and doors off the Jeep. I am being socially selective of who I am hanging around. I would say I was around 8 to 10 people this weekend. That isn't really a lot over the course of three days but when you figure each of them has been near 8 to 10 people the contact tracing can become impossibly complicated very quickly.
Jules asked, what is my version of happiness. I think happiness is found in moments. A bike ride with a friend. An intimate hug. A shared glance. The more of these positive moments we string together, the happier we feel. When we are devoid of these moments. We relive them from our past or we fantasize about future moments in an attempt to make us feel better.
I am here in the loft, in this climate controlled condo connected to 12 other units, in this neighborhood of 10 similar buildings. As the circle expands to the adjacent subdivision it includes hundreds of people but like the particles of an atom there is an expanse between us.