Tuesday, May 26, 2020

I BeenThinking to Much

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)...I  Miss You, Blink 182

It is songs like this that still bring a lump in my throat.  This weekend I hung out with a few friends.  I rode my bike a few times and took the top and doors off the Jeep.  I am being socially selective of who I am hanging around.  I would say I was around 8 to 10 people this weekend.  That isn't really a lot over the course of three days but when you figure each of them has been near 8 to 10 people the contact tracing can become impossibly complicated very quickly.

Jules asked, what is my version of happiness. I think happiness is found in moments.  A bike ride with a friend.  An intimate hug.  A shared glance.  The more of these positive moments we string  together, the happier we feel.  When we are devoid of these moments.  We relive them from our past or we fantasize about future moments in an attempt to make us feel better.

I am here in the loft, in this climate controlled condo connected to 12 other units, in this neighborhood of 10 similar buildings.  As the circle expands to the adjacent subdivision it includes hundreds of people but like the particles of an atom there is an expanse between us.


  1. "Socially Selective".... I will have to add that to my new list of terms .. Socially Distancing, Socially Selective, Socially Aware.

    Yep... I like Your term .. the best... Socially Selective....

    1. You have to have a life but we are all being a bit more selective of who we allow within our circle.

  2. Bike riding is fun. socially Selective is very smart. There is a 2nd wave on it's way and this time we're not going to shut down. Caution is the word of the year.

    1. I hope there is not a second wave. If that is true I hope to catch it between the waves :).

  3. The strangeness of this life has changed reality for most of people.
    Maybe it's finally time to practice mindfulness for real, rather than as a quick fix to fall asleep.
    Maybe it's time to value sensations over emotions. Does this even make sense in English?

    The possibility of a social conversation that does not include any talk of virus, economy downturn, virus, lockdown, virus, hospitals, virus, deathcount, virus, ...
    Can we go back to talking about wine, food, vacation, family, sex, weekend plans, TV shows, books and this kind of amenities? Like, now?

    1. Lucy you make perfect sense. It is time to practice mindfulness for real. I am looking for someone to talk about those things with!