Tuesday, February 11, 2020

See What I Want You To See

My tea's gone cold, I wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey..

Thank You, Dido

You hear what you want to when you lesson to a song.  Guess I relate more to the thunder and rain behind the lyrics in the Eminem sampling on his song Stan

I am smiling on the outside but on the inside I am sad.  My father's death and my conversations with Billy have left me frantically looking for some human contact.  I still want to avoid working on myself and spend too much time seeking a distraction.  I am constantly struggling with how I see myself and how the world see me.  It doesn't sink in that neither is who I am.  

I am wasting too much time on this pursuit and neglecting things I need to be focusing on like work.  The only thing I have managed to keep up on is my exercise though it is hard to get out of bed. I am only partially doing the exercising for my health.  In part, I am still creating this image of myself I want to the world to see, as if I can control how others see me. 

I have to cut this short.  I am neglecting work.


  1. you're further along than me, I gave up exercise decades ago. I do do 20 pushups a day by my bed just to please the abbot. as much of an odd shock that Eminem performance that came out of nowhere at the Oscars was, it would have been more of a shock if DIDO had come on stage and started singing her signature song from way back in the day!!!

  2. I liked the Eminem performance. I think he has matured as a person.